July 9, 2012

EEEEEW!: 20 Nasty Movie Moments


THERE ARE WORSE THINGS THAT COULD
BURST FROM YOUR ASS THAN
EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA
You know those scenes. Not necessarily the goriest, but the ones which make you wince, hide your eyes, dig your nails into the armrest, pucker your ass or fight a gag reflex. Sure, being disassembled by zombies or birthing aliens through one’s chest is gross, but far removed from any true human experience. But needles? Broken bones? Violated orifices? Swallowing something awful? We can relate on some level.

I don’t think any of us are truly worried about alien slugs squirting from our own asses (as in Dreamcatcher), but the idea of any weird thing squirting from (or up) our asses is likely to make said-ass pucker hard. Sometimes the nastiest scenes in movies don’t even use special effects, but they tap into that weird place in our heads, where we can kind-of imagine the same agony being inflicted on our own selves.

The following is a list (in no particular order) of some nasty-ass scenes that made me wince, gag or want to turn away.


1. AMERICAN HISTORY X - Edward Norton forces a man to place his open mouth on a curb, then stomps the back of his head. Eeeew!

2. MISERY - The hobbling scene. Eeeew!

3. ARACHNOPHOBIA - A spider crawls from a corpse’s nose. Eeeew!

4. THE THING - For all of its slime and gore, the ickiest scene is arguably the ‘blood test’ conducted to determine who is The Thing. Eeeew!

5. INVASION U.S.A. - In this otherwise-worthless Chuck Norris flick, there’s a scene where a woman is snorting coke from a table using a metal straw. That’s when our villain slams her head onto the table. Eeeew!

6. THE DARK KNIGHT - Similarly, The Joker does this to a gangster, only with a pencil. Eeeew!

7. PULP FICTION - Travolta’s adrenaline shot to Uma Thurman’s chest. Eeeew!

8. BAD TASTE - Peter Jackson’s first film is a low-budget gorefest, but the grossest part is when one of our alien hunters is slurping green vomit from a bowl...the added sound effects make this scene truly nauseating. Eeeew!

9. THE EXORCIST - Not the projectile vomit or the violating crucifix, but the nasty tests performed on Regan in the hospital. Eeeew!

10. GRINDHOUSE - Eli Roth’s faux-trailer, “Thanksgiving,” which involves a cheerleader, a trampoline and a really big knife. Eeeew!

11. SAW 3-D (aka SAW: THE FINAL CHAPTER) - In a series which revels in nastiness, one of the ickiest traps involves a guy trying to remove a fishing line strung down a woman’s throat. Oh yeah...attached to the end of this line are fish hooks. Eeeew!

12. PAYBACK - In an effort to make Porter cooperate, the mafia commences smashing his toes with a hammer one at a time. Eeeew!

13. DREAMCATCHER - The “Shitweasals.” Aptly named and...Eeeew!

14. STAND BY ME - There’s a leech on my balls! Eeeew!

15. THE GIANT SPIDER INVASION - A hilariously-bad cheesefest, save for the scene when a woman unwittingly includes a large tarantula in her blended breakfast drink. Eeeew!

16. MARATHON MAN - Impromptu dentistry...without anesthesia. Classic Eeeew!

17. JACKASS NUMBER TWO - There are countless, bile-stirring gags in all of the films, but the sickest has to be when Chris Pontious pounds-back a cup of horse semen. Eeeew!

18. THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006) - The father of a hapless vacationing family is the first to die when he’s tied to a post and burned alive...a scene which goes on, and on, and on. And the dad is bubbling and screaming in agony the whole time. Eeeew!

19. HOSTEL, PART 2 - Being eaten is bad enough. Being eaten alive is even worse. But watching yourself being eaten alive, one slice at a time, by the sick bastard who directed Cannibal Holocaust? Eeeew!

20. THE FLY (1986) - The bathroom scene when Seth Brundle begins to notice some peculiar changes in his body, such as pus squirting from appendages and being able to remove his own fingernails with sickening ease. Eeeew!

What about you? What twisted scene from a film gave you the willies, made your butt pucker or triggered a gag reflex?

1 comment:

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