4-IN-1
APOCALYPSE COLLECTION
ARACHNOQUAKE
– Starring Tracey Gold, Bug Hall, Edward Furlong,
Tiara Boocock, Gralen Bryant Banks. Directed by G.E. Furst. (2012/86
min).
GHOSTQUAKE
– Starring Jonathan Brown, MC Gainey, Danny Trejo, Lauren
Pennington, Marc Donato. Directed by Jeffery Scott Lando. (2012/84
min).
MIAMI
MAGMA – Starring Rachel Hunter, J.D. Evermore, Cleavant
Derricks, Stacey Asaro, Brad Dourif. Directed by Todor Chapkannov.
(2011/87 min).
WEATHER
WARS – Starring Jason London, Wes Brown, Stacy Keach, Erin
Cahill, Indigo. Directed by Todor Chapkannov. (2011/85 min).
Review
by Tiger the Terrible😼
The
title of this 2-disc DVD collection is a bit misleading. None of the four
films feature stories of impending global doom. In fact, only a
couple could loosely be considered disaster movies.
It
also bares mentioning that all of them originally premiered on SyFy.
Anyone familiar with the channel’s brand of budget-conscious
catastrophe knows exactly what to expect: outlandish plots,
bargain basement CGI and lead actors whose celebrity status is one
step away from appearing on Dancing with the Stars. And I’m guessing
anyone who’s read this far is probably okay with that.
Predating
Sharknado by a year, Arachnoquake is exactly what you
think it is. Still, this one is the best of the lot because
it’s mostly played for laughs. That doesn’t mean it’s always
funny, but there’s an occasional good gag here and there.
Additionally, it features former child stars Tracey Gold & Edward
Furlong, the latter of whom looks and sounds completely shitfaced.
Sharing the disc is Ghostquake, which is actually more of a
horror movie. Though not remotely scary, it’s at-least watchable
and there are a couple of decent death scenes. Besides...who doesn’t
love Danny Trejo?
 |
| Edward Furlong hocks a loogie. |
While Weather Wars and Miami Magma might qualify as disaster
movies, only the former is worth sitting through, mainly because
Stacy Keach engages in some serious scenery chewing as an unhinged
evil genius who manipulates the weather to exact revenge on a senator
who once poo-pooed his research. The premise is ridiculous, but
relatively speaking, the special effects aren’t half bad. The same
can’t be said for Miami Magma, by-far
the worst of the four. The plot, dialogue, logic, pacing and
CGI are uniformly awful, even by SyFy standards. As for the cast,
what more can be said about a movie where Rachel Hunter turns in the
best performance? On the plus side, it does include an unexpected death by a flaming tennis ball.
But
hey, they can’t all be zingers, which is par for the course with
collections like this. Arachnoquake has enough moments as
amusing as Sharknado to make
it worth seeing more than once. As for the rest...well,
we ain’t exactly talking
Roland Emmerich, but if you enjoy cheese as part of your disaster diet, dig in.
EXTRA
KIBBLES
DIGITAL
COPY
KITTY CONSENSUS:
NOT BAD. LIKE CAT CHOW.
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