Starring Cooper Elliot, Andy Haman, Mia Klosterman, Ben Johnson, Adam Singer, Ruselis Aumeen Perry, Raquel Pennington, Shale Le Page, Nicole Goeke. Directed by Milko Davis & Thomas Martwick. (2017/82 min).
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Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat😸
From the director of Tsunambee and the studio that brought you Shark Exorcist comes the epic mash-up you've been waiting for. So why are you still reading this? If the title doesn't tell you all you need to know, perhaps you're already familiar with some of Wild Eye Releasing's crazy catalog.
That being said, The Jurassic Dead more-or-less delivers on the promise of its title, with a plot so absolutely bonkers it makes your typical mockbuster from The Asylum look like a Merchant Ivory film. For example, In the first ten minutes alone:
- A scientist is forced at-gunpoint to inject a re-animating serum into a dead T-Rex, which springs to life and kills everyone but the scientist. No, it is never explained where an extinct dinosaur came from.
- In the very next scene, that same scientist, Dr. Wojick Borge is fired from his teaching position for re-animating a dead cat during class. Afterwards, Borge gets pancaked by a car.
- Borge turns out to be a special kind of crazy, making Herbert West look like Marcus Welby.
- We meet a batch of mercenaries hired to take-out Borge, who is somewhere in the desert. We also meet four young morons heading down the same highway, one of whom is sporting the worst wig in movie history.
- A meteor hits Earth, creating an EMP that shuts everything down...except for a CGI helicopter, which safely lands before inexplicably exploding.
But don't worry kids...it'll all make sense in the end...sort-of. The mercenaries and kids end up trapped in a fortified facility run by the demented Dr. Borge, who now resembles a wheelchair-bound cross between Immortan Joe and Darth Sidious. Borge plans to nuke major cities before unleashing his herd on undead dinosaurs on the world. Before that, however, he turns a zombie T-Rex loose on his trespassers. In my favorite scene, a mercenary meathead drops his weapons and knocks-out the beast with a few punches (as though fighting dinosaurs comes with the job). But they soon discover you can't a good - or dead - T-Rex down. It continues to mosey throughout the facility, chomping down the cast, who then become zombies themselves.
|An tender moment in The Jurassic Dead.|
As to be expected, the special effects are suitably terrible, with nearly every scene looking like it was performed in front of a green screen (even when it doesn't appear to be necessary). In fact, you'll often notice the background can't hold completely still. T-Rex himself (the only dinosaur in the film) is an amusing creation, mostly the work of puppeteers. Characters behave stupidly, scenes change with almost no transition and everything comes to a ridiculous climax.
But you probably already know this, which ultimately makes The Jurassic Dead a hard movie not to enjoy (even the opening & closing credits are funny...both intentionally and unintentionally). Say what you will about its bargain-basement production values, shake your head in disbelief at the laugh-inducing dialogue & cringe-worthy performances, but one accusation you can't level at the film is that it's boring.
You gotta appreciate the sheer exuberance on display here. While not entirely serious in tone, it's mostly free of the cynicism that tends to suck the joy out of similar movies. We're almost certain this is the best they could do on both sides of the camera. Only a goofy post-credits scene suggests anything resembling self-awareness. So, hey...why not?
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A GOOFY GOOD TIME