THE CAT is a Crazy Concoction

THE CAT (Blu-ray)

1992 / 89 min

88 Films

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Doppleganger

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mr. Bonnie, one of several writers of the feline persuasion who tow the line around here while Dave gets all the credit (but at least he feeds us on time). Dave also hands out the review assignments, and in my paws he dropped The Cat, a Hong Kong science-fiction film from 1992. 

“Why me?” I asked. “Doesn’t Pepper usually review the sci-fi stuff?”

“I thought you’d get a kick out of it,” Dave said. “It’s about a cat from space. And Look at the cover. The cat looks just like you.”

“I guess that explains why you kept The Picture of Dorian Gray for yourself. The painting looks just like you.” He didn’t think I was funny.

Unlike the movie I reviewed earlier this year with the same title, at least this one features a cat, even if he isn’t the actual star. Named General, he’s just one of three aliens who’ve arrived to save Earth from a blobby, goopy monster that sometimes absorbs people, others times burns them alive, and occasionally assumes their identity (depending on the requirements of the plot at the time). So creature-wise, there are similarities to The Thing, The Blob and a bowl of marinara sauce.

Scene stealer.

The main protagonist is Wisely (Waise Lee), a writer who uncannily determines General and his friends are aliens who must be stopped. He and the police are determined to hunt the cat down, which proves impossible. This leads to my personal favorite scene in the entire movie…a lengthy junkyard brawl where General kicks a dog’s ass (landing it in the hospital). But when his companion, Pai So (Christine Ng), assures Wisely they’re here to stop the monster from getting-hold of an artifact called the Octagon (which is actually some kind of weapon), he teams up with them. 

The special effects are as goofy as the plot, a kooky combination of rubber monsters, puppetry, wild gore, bluescreen and good ol’ stop motion. Speaking of which…I’ll concede that Dave is right about one thing: General really does resemble yours truly, save for numerous bits where he looks like a stuffed animal being thrown across the room.

The whole thing culminates with a climax that must have been sponsored in-part by Fanta, because the soda company’s logo is prominently featured among scenes of death and destruction. The Cat is as crazy and campy as it sounds, but at least it’s never boring, even when that handsome devil of a title character isn’t onscreen. It’s one of those fun what-the-hell-did-I-just-watch flicks.

EXTRA KIBBLES

JAPANESE CUT - With English subtitles, and waaay different than the original (less fun, too).

INTERVIEW - An extensive interview with the film’s screenwriter, Gordon Chan.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By Frank Djeng.

SUPPLEMENTAL BOOKLET - Includes two essay, color photos, cast & crew credits.

IMAGE GALLERY

TRAILER

REVERSIBLE COVER - With new and original artwork.

5” x 7” POSTER ART REPLICA - Two sided, with new and original artwork.

Call the COBRA in 4K

COBRA Limited Edition (4K UHD)

1986 / 87 min

Arrow Video

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Blaster😼

Rejoice, action fans…one of the 80s’ greatest comedies (second only to Endless Love) is finally on 4K.

Of course Cobra is a comedy. Its titular character (Sylvester Stallone) is an exaggerated amalgam of every rogue cop to blast his way across the big screen since Harry Callahan invited punks to press their luck. More of a cartoon thug than flesh & blood, Cobra’s character is completely defined by how he looks, dresses, kills, drives and slices pizza.

The movie’s villain, the Night Slasher (Brian Thompson), sweats, snarls, spits, growls and flares his nostrils big enough for Marion Cobretti to drive his Awsom 50 through. He’s aptly named, too. Stalking the streets of LA and killing victims at random (with help from his cult of axe-clanging minions), the only real difference between him and Jason Voorhees is that he speaks (sort of) and doesn’t wear a hockey mask.

The tone is set early-on when Captain Sears (Art LeFleur) ominously says “Call the Cobra” to deal with a shotgun-weilding maniac in a supermarket. Cobra roars up in a nitro-fueled, Titanic-sized hot rod. Decked-out in a skin-tight T-shirt, even tighter jeans, boots, mirrored shades, leather gloves and a toothpick in his jaw, Cobra strolls into the darkened store, cracks open a beer, tosses out a casual one-liner (“You're the disease...I'm the cure”) and blows the guy away. At no time does he remove his sunglasses. Afterwards, of course, he’s berated by his superior (Andrew Robinson) and the press for saving the hostages.

After another productive day of blowing folks away, Cobra retreats to his Malibu apartment. He turns on the TV so it can inform us of the movie's plot (the Night Slasher’s handiwork), and while cleaning his gun, Cobra grabs a slice of leftover pizza from his freezer and uses a pair of scissors to cut off a little triangle for himself...still wearing his gloves. Then he eats it frozen. 

The Night Slasher cult makes a serious mistake, leaving a living witness to one of their killings, Ingrid (Brigitte Nielsen), who’s established as a model by the hilarious photo shoot where she poses with robots that appear to be built from shit kids find in their garage. Fearing the Night Slasher will come after her, Cobra and his junk-food junkie partner, Tony (Reni Santoni), are assigned to protect her. 

It’s at this point that Cobra achieves a level comedic genius I never really noticed until revisiting the film for this review. Tony reassures Ingrid that no one is better than Cobra at catching psychos, yet the guy doesn’t actually do any catching (or much detective work). Cobra spends the entire movie running away from these psychos with Ingrid & Tony in-tow, destroying half of L.A. in the process. In fact, the Night Slasher appears to be far more adept at finding his quarry than Cobra is. 

Stallone and co-star.

Conversely, this cult of faceless followers is utterly fearless (or clueless), best exemplified in a scene where dozens of them are chasing Cobra & Ingrid on motorcycles. Cobra's in the bed of a pick-up, spraying machine gun fire at his pursuers, who start dropping like flies. Yet none of the others make any attempt to avoid a bullet (or even swerve out of harm’s way). They just keep coming, like my annual battle with ants in the kitchen. No matter how many bugs I dispatch with spray, traps or the good-old-fashioned fist, they keep coming out of the woodwork to march across my counter.

But it's not all mayhem. There's a tender moment when Ingrid is watching Cobra play with his guns. When she tries to get close, he warns her, “Not a lot of people like the way I live.” I don't know if this statement is supposed to signify his dedication to his job, his loner status or his penchant for using office supplies to cut food. I guess it doesn't matter, because they end up bumpin’ uglies anyway. It might actually be the film’s defining moment…the love scene is tastefully and romantically presented, whereas Cobra assembling his weapons is served-up in voyeuristic detail.

If it was Leslie Nielsen in the title role, almost the entire movie could be viewed as a parody without changing a single frame or line of dialogue.

But I genuinely do love Cobra, perhaps even more now than I did 40 years ago. Not only does it feature Stallone at his Stalloniest, its MTV aesthetic is like travelling back in time to an era when neon glitz, musical montages and studly cops defined action in the 80s. In that sense, Cobra is sort of a greatest hits album. And while most of the comedy is undoubtedly unintentional, there are brief moments of clever self-awareness here and there, such as some obvious homages to the Dirty Harry franchise, or better yet, a gravity-defying car chase that achieves a level of brilliance through its sheer outlandishness.

Though critically reviled when first released, the look, sound and campiness of Cobra has rendered it a cult classic, embraced over the years by fans who find it thrilling, funny or a combination of both. Arrow Video’s new Limited Edition set gives the film a great visual and audio facelift, with a 4K restoration that’s a big improvement over older releases, as well as three audio options (lossless stereo 2.0, 4.0 and DTS-HD MA 5.1). There’s also a big batch of new and archival bonus features, though the best ones are carried over from Shout Factory's previous Blu-ray edition. Whether one thinks Cobra is great or gaudy, this is an excellent new release.

EXTRA KIBBLES

NOTE: Free Kittens Movie Guide was provided with a promo disc for review purposes. Physical supplemental material included with the final product (booklets, artwork, inserts, etc) were not available for review.

THEATRICAL & TV VERSIONS - The latter features alternate scenes and is not in HD.

VISUAL ESSAYS - White Line Nightmare is by critic Martyn Conterio, who does briefly suggest the film is a parody; Dark Glasses, Violence & Robots is by critic Abbey Bander, who discusses Cobra as the quintessential 80s film, both narratively and aesthetically. Both of these essays afford the film more serious cultural importance than it actually deserves.

NEW INTERVIEW - With film composer Sylvester Levey.

ARCHIVAL INTERVIEWS - Individual interviews with actors Brian Thompson, Art LaFleur, Lee Garlington, Andrew Robinson & Marco Rodriguez. These are all entertaining and occasionally candid. Thompson, in particular, is pretty critical of ‘director’ George P. Cosmatos (and for good reason).

3 AUDIO COMMENTARIES - 1) By Kim Newman & Nick de Semlyen (NEW); 2) By Josh Nelson & Martyn Pedler (NEW); 3) By director George P. Cosmatos.

MAKING-OF FEATURETTE

TRAILERS & TV SPOTS

TERMINUS: Campy Chaos

TERMINUS (Blu-ray)

1987 / 115 & 85 min (2 versions)

MVD Rewind Collection

Review by Stinky the Destroyer😼

Though I practically lived at my local video store back in the ‘80s, I don’t recall ever coming across this title on the shelves. Maybe it was there and I never noticed, or maybe it just happened to be rented out whenever I popped in. But based on the cover art, suggesting yet another Road Warrior rip-off, Terminus is something I probably would have rented.

Not that I would’ve expected a good movie (in the traditional sense, anyway). Countless low budget Road Warrior ripoffs were cranked out back then (a lot of ‘em hailing from Europe…mostly Italy) and none of them were ever mistaken for good. However, “good” is not always synonymous with entertaining. Some of these films were great fun, often at their own expense.

True to form, Terminus isn’t a good movie either, but does boast a WTF quality that's kind of a kick (again, at its own expense). This one's a French-German co-production that, unlike the stuff oozing from Italy, looks like there’s actually a sizeable budget behind it. However, the kitchen sink story is so all-over-the-place that it's often baffling, sometimes amusingly so. 

Terminus has its own Mad Max in Stump, played by hunky French rock star Johnny Hallyday. He drives an AI-powered truck called Monster in a game developed by a child genius who turns out to be a clone of another genius known as “Doctor” (Jürgen Prochnow, playing three different roles, including one where he’s costumed like a drag queen). The object of the game is to reach a place called Terminus while dodging violent attacks by “The Greys,” who pursue him in tanks but mostly end up crashing & burning (sort of making them the vehicular version of Imperial Stormtroopers).

Nothing gets in the way of Amazon Prime delivery.

Karen Allen shows up for awhile as Monster’s initial driver and Stump’s hilariously brief love interest, but her role is superfluous. Things get complicated when the AI (depicted as a disembodied mouth on the truck’s dashboard) malfunctions and begins to feel bad about itself. Oh…and did I mention the dreaded Ghost Truck, lurking in the periphery and driven by another character played by Prochnow? 

There’s goofy action here and there, some of it looking rather expensive, though most of the movie’s camp appeal lies in the batshit story and an overall aesthetic that practically screams 1980s (including your standard issue synth score and a central control room that resembles a nightclub). Terminus is junk, but can be entertaining junk if one is in the right frame of mind (or tripping on shrooms).

Of all the Road Warrior ripoffs glutting shelves in the ‘80s, Terminus is definitely one of the weirder ones. A fitting addition to the MVD Rewind Collection, this disc includes two versions of the movie, the U.S. version and the European director’s cut, which runs a half-hour longer. There are significant story and tonal differences between them, though the latter is arguably the best cut since it tends to be a little more comprehensible. It also comes with a decent selection of bonus features (outlined below). 

EXTRA KIBBLES

EUROPEAN & U.S. VERSIONS

WE ALL DESCEND: THE MAKING OF TERMINUS is a 50-minute retrospective doc featuring interviews with director Pierre-William Glenn, as well as his son and daughter, the latter of whom had a major role in Terminus as a child. This is a surprisingly revealing feature.

INTERVIEW WITH JÜRGEN PROCHNOW - The actor discusses his career, particularly following Das Boot and leading up to this film.

PHOTO GALLERY

REVERSIBLE COVER

MINI POSTER

TRAILER

GLADIATOR II (4K) and Some Premature Assumptions

GLADIATOR II (4K UHD SteelBook)

2024 / 147 min

From Paramount

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Battle Cat😺

Well aware I’m in the minority on this, I thought the original Gladiator was a decent movie, but not necessarily a great one. It was slickly made and enjoyable, with solid performances by Russell Crowe and Joaquin Phoenix, but sure as hell wasn’t Oscar worthy (well…maybe Phoenix was).

We’d been hearing rumblings of a sequel for years, but it was one of those things I assumed would would remain in development hell forever. After all, a quarter century had passed and the original didn’t really leave things open for another chapter (or God help us, a prequel).

But here we are...director Ridley Scott returning for Gladiator II, which I also assumed was because his other recent efforts haven't exactly set the world on fire. Since Gladiator remains one of his biggest, most beloved films, surely there’s another story to be told, no matter how contrived.

I gotta say I really enjoyed Gladiator II...more than I expected because I initially assumed Scott and company wouldn't rock the boat by tweaking the formula too much. And storywise, it’s very similar, this time our hero being Maximus’ son, Lucius (Paul Mescal). But as the film begins, he’s known as Hanno, returning to Rome as a conquered slave purchased by Macrinus (Denzel Washington) for gladiatorial combat. Eventually, of course, his past and considerable fighting skills become a legitimate threat to Rome's leaders.

"Sir...I think you dropped this."

However, it isn’t simply more of the same. Gladiator II is more plot heavy than before, with plenty of treachery, political maneuvering and several antagonists. But even though we’re occasionally required to suspend a little disbelief (sharks in the Colosseum???), it’s an interesting story, mainly because Scott’s approach is more flamboyant, often throwing caution to the wind with both the characters and the action. Sibling emperors Geta and Caracalla come across as a couple of mini-Caligulas, but it’s ultimately Macrinus who fascinates us and Washington looks like he had a hell of a good time playing a bad guy once again (a really bad guy). 

Pedro Pascal also shines in a more grounded performance as Acacias, the emperors’ conflicted general and husband of Lucilla (Connie Nielsen, returning as Lucius’ mother). Conversely, Mescal does what he can with Lucius, who is never as compelling as Maximus was and is more of a plot device than a dynamic character. It’s soon obvious the film is far more infatuated with its villains than its heroes. And that’s okay, because Gladiator II serves up some doozies. 

There’s plenty of action, fighting and bloodshed, presented with an over-the-top zeal that occasionally borders on ridiculous (but still pretty rousing). And aside from some obvious CGI, the film is always aesthetically striking…though I do miss Hans Zimmer’s haunting score, which provided much of the original’s emotional heft. A bit crazier and campier, Gladiator II is nevertheless a fun belated sequel that's better than I once assumed it would be.

EXTRA KIBBLES

4K, BLU-RAY & DIGITAL COPIES

FEATURETTES - A Dream That was Rome: Origins features director Ridley Scott and others discussing how they came up with a sequel; What We Do in Life Echoes in Eternity: The Cast includes on-set footage and Scott discussing the cast choices; In the Arena: Filmmakers focuses on the crew; For Those About to Die, We Salute You: Combat covers fight choreography and stunts; Building an Empire: Post-Production covers the sound, special effects and Harry Gregson-Williams’ score; The Making of Gladiator II.

DELETED SCENES

THE MUMMY AND THE CURSE OF THE JACKALS: Come For The Camp, Stay For The Backstory

THE MUMMY AND THE CURSE OF THE JACKALS (Blu-ray)

1969 / 81 min

FROM SEVERIN FILMS

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Beastie😼

This is another one of those releases where the bonus features are far more interesting and entertaining than the movie itself.

Not that the bar was set too high, because The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals is a forgotten, jaw-droppingly bad horror quickie from the 1960s. It’s about archaeologist David Eisley, who’s not only obsessed with resurrecting a dead Egyptian princess, Akana, he’s cursed with becoming a vicious werewolf every night (but looking more like the winner of an ugly dog contest).

Akana reawakens, as does her fat mummified pharaoh, sporting oven mitts for hands. While she takes in the Las Vegas nightlife, both the mummy and werewolf wreak havoc on the strip as bemused tourists look on…obviously unaware they’ve just become extras in a B-movie. Aside from the monsters fighting each other in servitude to Akana, there’s not much else to the plot, which seems to have been created on-the-fly. Elsewhere, good ol’ John Carradine shows up to collect a paycheck and easily outperform the rest of the dull cast (which probably wasn’t all that difficult).

"You're supposed to do that outside!"

Obviously, The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals is comedy gold for bad movie aficionados, who’ll get a kick out of its shipshod production values, Munsters-like music and overall goofiness. However, the story behind it is genuinely fascinating. Though it arguably doesn’t even qualify as a cult film, Severin Films has provided a bounty of wonderful supplements with the same care as a Criterion release. It turns out that director Oliver Drake had a long, prolific B-movie career dating back to the silent era, despite not being all that good at his job. He mostly did westerns, but also some horror and soft core flicks (with a example of the latter included here). 

Additionally, the short-lived production company that released the film, Vega International, is showcased in a featurette that explores its entire history and everything they ever produced. So while The Mummy and the Curse of the Jackals is hardly a lost classic - even by B-movie standards - the backstory behind it is well worth checking out.

EXTRA KIBBLES

THE VEGA INTERNATIONAL STORY - Author Stephen Thrower discusses the history of this short-lived B-movie production company.

COWBOYS, MUMMIES AND OLIVER DRAKE - Film historian C. Courtney Joyner discusses the long career of director Oliver Drake.

INVESTING IN THE JACKAL - A brief segment in which Gerry Gassel talks about his parents’ involvement in the film.

ANGELICA, THE YOUNG VIXEN - From 1974, this is an hour-long soft core sex film. Old, poor quality image, but plenty of boobs & bumping of uglies.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - This is actually a commentary for Angelica, the Young Vixen by Joe Rubin (of Vinegar Syndrome) and exploitation researcher Shawn Langrick.