Do You Remember STIGMATA?

STIGMATA (Blu-ray)

1999 / 102 min

FROM CAPELIGHT PICTURES

Review by Joey, the Sudden Cat🙀

I watched Stigmata back in the day, but until revisiting it for this Blu-ray review, couldn’t have told you a damn thing about it. There was nothing in the film that resonated enough to make it all that memorable. 25 years later, I felt like I was watching it for the first time.

And you know what? It still isn’t all that memorable.

Which is not the same as saying it flat-out sucks. Stigmata is competently made, is reasonably well acted and has a premise that, in the right hands, has great horror potential. However, I suspect it was put together by a committee of craftsmen who had no clue about how to make an effective horror film.

The basic plot has atheist hairdresser Frankie Paige (Patricia Arquette) suffering from the titular ailment, in which the victim bears wounds similar to those inflicted upon Jesus during the crucifixion. They don’t appear all at once, of course, and most of the horror sequences feature Frankie violently receiving these wounds. I’m no filmmaker, but do know that scenes intended to instill terror shouldn’t be shot & cut like a Michael Bay action movie.

Looks like Frankie's gonna do some re-gifting this year.

Vatican investigator Father Kiernan (Gabriel Byrne) is appointed to investigate, while Frankie begins to show the usual signs of possession…not of a demon, but a dead priest whose stolen rosary was given to her. It’s not adequately explained why a clergy’s spirit - no matter how pissed - would subject anyone to pain, possession, levitation and fire just to reveal an ancient document containing the gospel of Jesus himself. Sounds a bit excessive.

But that’s just nitpicking. All the flash, fireworks and hyperactive editing in the world can't mask uninspired storytelling. Stigmata offers nothing we haven’t seen before, in movies or a well-made heavy metal video. On the plus side, it’s so forgettable that one could revisit it every couple of years and feel like they’re watching a brand new movie.

EXTRA KIBBLES

DIVINE RITES: THE STORY OF STIGMATA - Part making-of featurette, part speculative look at the history of stigmatics.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Rupert Wainwright.

DELETED SCENES

ALTERNATE ENDING

TRAILER

MEAN GUNS : An Off-Kilter Killfest

MEAN GUNS (Blu-ray)

1997 / 104 min

FROM MVD REWIND COLLECTION

Review by Mr. Bonnie😼

I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call Mean Guns a good action movie, but there’s too much of a weird-ass vibe to dismiss it entirely.

A crime organization known as The Syndicate has bankrolled a maximum security prison in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. But before they turn it over to the city, they decide to use the place to purge a few dozen associates who supposedly betrayed them. So when a variety of thugs and killers arrive, they find themselves trapped and forced to fight to the death, with the three remaining survivors splitting a $10 million prize. They are also provided with weapons to make sure the contest is over within six hours (otherwise everyone will die).

That’s the essential plot, which is inherently ridiculous, but not what makes Mean Guns such a perplexing way to kill two hours. With the exception of Cam (Deborah Van Valkenburgh), a mob accountant who didn’t know she was a mob accountant, everyone shows up willingly. One main character, Lou (Christopher Lambert), actually drives up with a kid in the car and tells her to wait there until he’s finished. Rather than be horrified, most of these people seem genuinely excited to be fighting for their lives. Even the syndicate boss who gathered everyone there, snarling platinum-toothed master-of-ceremonies Vincent Moon (Ice-T), gets in on the action.

Christopher Lambert corners his hairstylist.

Stranger yet is the dialogue, which is sometimes funny, other times really bizarre, such as Marcus’ frequent monologues where he appears to be saying something deep, but I’ll be damned if I know what he’s talking about. Character behavior often changes without warning, so we ultimately don’t know who to root for or against, including the kid, who not only appears unfazed by the surrounding mayhem, she even asks Marcus to shoot somebody at one point. Maybe it’s just me, but the tonal, character and narrative inconsistencies appear to be by design.

Much of the credit (or blame) must go to the late Albert Pyun, the prolific director behind such B-movie bonanzas as The Sword and the Sorcerer, Cyborg, Brainsmasher…A Love Story and more Nemesis movies than anyone asked for. He also has the distinction of being the first to bring Captain America to the screen, with hilarious results. I wouldn’t call those movies any good either, but with Mean Guns, he seems to be striving for a slightly off-kilter look and tone. To what end, I don’t know. Maybe Pyun doesn’t either, but at least he inserts just enough WTF moments to keep our attention.

 

Mean Guns needs them, too, because the action itself is perfunctory and surprisingly bloodless, which soon becomes pretty rote. Movies consisting of a single sustained conflict are difficult to pull off successfully and Pyun isn’t up to the challenge. However, the quirky curveballs, oddball characters, strange music score and all-in performances keep it from getting too boring.

EXTRA KIBBLES

INTERVIEWS - Individual interviews (running 20-30 minutes each) featuring producer Gary Schmoleller, executive producer Paul Rosenblum and composer Anthony Riparetti. All three discuss their own career histories and making movies with director Albert Pyun. 

OPTIONAL INTRODUCTION - By director Albert Pyun.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Albert Pyun. 

TRAILER

MINI POSTER

REVERSIBLE ARTWORK