TORMENTED: A Little Film From Mr. B.I.G.

TORMENTED (Blu-ray)

1960 / 74 min

FROM FILM MASTERS

Review by Mr. Paws😺

For most of his career, the late Bert I. Gordon certainly lived up to his initials. This B-movie auteur was best known for economically cranking out a variety of killer creature features that mostly played in drive-ins for the teen crowd. 

If you’re of a certain age, perhaps you recall such schlockly classics as Beginning of the End, Earth vs. the Spider and The Amazing Colossal Man…if not from the days of local late-night TV, then maybe the original Mystery Science Theater 3000, which featured quite a few of his flicks. Yours truly is old enough to recall spending his own allowance to catch one of Gordon’s last critterfests, 1976’s The Food of the Gods, in a theater.

Gordon sometimes dabbled in other genres, usually budget-conscious versions of bigger and better films that were popular at the time, but seldom straying too far from his horror roots. One such film is 1960’s Tormented, a surprisingly atmospheric little ghost story. I remember once having TCM on the TV as background noise when this came on. Despite the director’s dubious reputation, I found it engaging enough to drop what I was doing and see it through. 

Not that Tormented is some kind of lost classic. It’s still a cheap film…but a pretty well made cheap film - for Bert I. Gordon, anyway - with decent performances and a good story. Jazz musician Tom Stewart (Richard Carlson) is about to marry new girlfriend Meg (Lugene Sanders) in Cape Cod when old flame Vi (Juli Reding) shows up. Still in love with him, she begs Tom to come back to her, even threatening blackmail. 

IKEA has some weird-ass room decor.

While they’re arguing atop a local lighthouse, the railing breaks. Hanging on for dear life, Vi begs Tom for help. He refuses and she falls to her death into the sea. While initially reasoning that he didn’t actually kill her himself, Vi returns from beyond to haunt him, still determined to stop the wedding. Like The Tell-Tale Heart, visions of her disembodied appendages, or finding jewelry he once gave her, could be manifestations of his guilt. But either way, Tormented is a fun little ghost story that establishes a moody tone with its seaside locations and, considering the budget, not-half-bad special effects.

Of course, being the work of Bert I. Gordon means Tormented isn’t without its goofy aspects, which are amusingly exploited in an old Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode included among this disc’s excellent batch of extras. Countering Joel and his robot friends’ merciless riffing are a few revealing bonus features that might have one appreciating what Gordon was always able to put together with very little money.

EXTRA KIBBLES

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 VERSION - From 1992, featuring Joel, Crow & Tom Servo.

BERT I. GORDON: THE AMAZING COLOSSAL FILMMAKER - An 8 minute archival interview with the late director.

BIGGER THAN LIFE: BERT I. GORDON IN THE 1950’s and 1960’s - An excellent 40 minute appreciation by C. Courtney Joyner. The best of the new bonus features.

THE SPIRIT IS WILLING: CINEMAGIC AND SOCIAL DISCORD IN BERT I. GORDON’S TORMENTED - The Flying Maciste Brothers attach some seriously weighty themes to this little potboiler…kinda the antithesis of the MST3K episode.

FAMOUS GHOST STORIES - An unreleased TV pilot featuring Vincent Price, thought the episode itself is just an abridged version of Tormented.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By Gary Rhodes and Larry Blamire.

ORIGINAL AND RE-CUT, RESTORED TRAILERS

SUPPLEMENTAL BOOKLET - Includes an essay by Tom Weaver, as well as an interview with Susan Gordon, Bert’s daughter who plays little andy Hubbard.

MEAN GUNS : An Off-Kilter Killfest

MEAN GUNS (Blu-ray)

1997 / 104 min

FROM MVD REWIND COLLECTION

Review by Mr. Bonnie😼

I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call Mean Guns a good action movie, but there’s too much of a weird-ass vibe to dismiss it entirely.

A crime organization known as The Syndicate has bankrolled a maximum security prison in the middle of downtown Los Angeles. But before they turn it over to the city, they decide to use the place to purge a few dozen associates who supposedly betrayed them. So when a variety of thugs and killers arrive, they find themselves trapped and forced to fight to the death, with the three remaining survivors splitting a $10 million prize. They are also provided with weapons to make sure the contest is over within six hours (otherwise everyone will die).

That’s the essential plot, which is inherently ridiculous, but not what makes Mean Guns such a perplexing way to kill two hours. With the exception of Cam (Deborah Van Valkenburgh), a mob accountant who didn’t know she was a mob accountant, everyone shows up willingly. One main character, Lou (Christopher Lambert), actually drives up with a kid in the car and tells her to wait there until he’s finished. Rather than be horrified, most of these people seem genuinely excited to be fighting for their lives. Even the syndicate boss who gathered everyone there, snarling platinum-toothed master-of-ceremonies Vincent Moon (Ice-T), gets in on the action.

Christopher Lambert corners his hairstylist.

Stranger yet is the dialogue, which is sometimes funny, other times really bizarre, such as Marcus’ frequent monologues where he appears to be saying something deep, but I’ll be damned if I know what he’s talking about. Character behavior often changes without warning, so we ultimately don’t know who to root for or against, including the kid, who not only appears unfazed by the surrounding mayhem, she even asks Marcus to shoot somebody at one point. Maybe it’s just me, but the tonal, character and narrative inconsistencies appear to be by design.

Much of the credit (or blame) must go to the late Albert Pyun, the prolific director behind such B-movie bonanzas as The Sword and the Sorcerer, Cyborg, Brainsmasher…A Love Story and more Nemesis movies than anyone asked for. He also has the distinction of being the first to bring Captain America to the screen, with hilarious results. I wouldn’t call those movies any good either, but with Mean Guns, he seems to be striving for a slightly off-kilter look and tone. To what end, I don’t know. Maybe Pyun doesn’t either, but at least he inserts just enough WTF moments to keep our attention.

 

Mean Guns needs them, too, because the action itself is perfunctory and surprisingly bloodless, which soon becomes pretty rote. Movies consisting of a single sustained conflict are difficult to pull off successfully and Pyun isn’t up to the challenge. However, the quirky curveballs, oddball characters, strange music score and all-in performances keep it from getting too boring.

EXTRA KIBBLES

INTERVIEWS - Individual interviews (running 20-30 minutes each) featuring producer Gary Schmoleller, executive producer Paul Rosenblum and composer Anthony Riparetti. All three discuss their own career histories and making movies with director Albert Pyun. 

OPTIONAL INTRODUCTION - By director Albert Pyun.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Albert Pyun. 

TRAILER

MINI POSTER

REVERSIBLE ARTWORK

DARKGAME Has Been Played Before (and that's okay)

DARKGAME (Blu-ray)

2024 / 100 min

FROM GRAVITAS VENTURES

Available at www.MovieZyng.com

Review by Mr. Bonnie😽

If you have never seen or don’t recall the movie, Untraceable, it’s a 2008 thriller about a serial killer who kills his victims on the internet. The more viewers that visit the site, the faster these people die. Taking place in my hometown of Portland, Oregon, it’s a repeated race against time to find this guy, who also taunts the FBI team assigned to the case. While no classic, I thought the film was better than its box office numbers and critical consensus suggested.

The writers of DarkGame must have thought so, too, because not only does it feature a very similar premise, the story also takes place in Portland, Oregon. One big difference here - besides the budget and star power - is that this killer chooses his victims at random, whereas the one in Untraceable was driven by revenge. That aspect renders this one a bit more disturbing, though the death scenes - while pretty graphic - aren’t nearly as drawn-out or sadistic.

The unnamed antagonist (Andrew P. Stephen) is certainly sadistic, though. Never seen without a mask, he hosts a dark web “game show” called Russian Roulette, where “contestants” are forced to participate in various gruesome contests while viewers bet on the outcome. The highest wagerer gets to choose how the loser will die. Meanwhile, brooding Portland cop Ben (Ed Westwick) and his squad desperately (and repeatedly) try to trace his location and stop him, which proves to be very difficult. And of course, once the killer learns Ben is heading the investigation, he makes things personal.

Spring Training takes a dark turn.

The narrative shifts between Ben’s investigation (while clashing with the FBI) and Katia (Natalya Tsvetkova), one of the kidnapped contestants imprisoned in a room with several others who are waiting for the right moment to fight back and escape. While not particularly original, DarkGame is fast-paced and manages to create a lot of genuine tension in certain scenes. It also features a compelling, cryptically funny antagonist. Performed with gusto by Stephens, he’s the best part of the film. The remaining cast bring earnestness to their characters, most of whom seem lifted from other movies, right down to the boneheaded FBI agent “taking over the case.” 

The film is efficiently directed by Howard J. Ford, who’s kinda made a career out of making movies that never win awards for originality, but are generally well made and entertaining in the moment. Similarly, DarkGame is a decent race-against-time thriller on a limited budget. The door is even left open for a sequel, which I wouldn’t be opposed to.

MOON GARDEN: Scenic Horror

MOON GARDEN (Blu-ray)

2022 / 93 min

FROM OSCILLOSCOPE LABORATORIES

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

There’s a lot to like about Moon Garden. 

First, it’s aesthetically striking, which is all the more impressive when you realize this is a fairly low budget film fueled more by ambition than resources. The imagery, special effects and production design create a surreal atmosphere that manages to be both beautiful and nightmarish. If nothing else, simply looking at it is an engaging way to kill 90 minutes.

Then there’s Haven Lee Harris, the film’s five-year-old star and writer-director Ryan Stevens Harris’ daughter. It’s a remarkable performance that’s genuinely affecting, which is quite a feat considering she’s on-screen nearly the entire running time…often by herself. Our engagement in the narrative rests entirely on her little shoulders and she pulls it off wonderfully.

Harris plays Emma, the daughter of parents whose marriage is falling apart. During one of their heated arguments, she falls down a flight of stairs and drifts into a coma. Doctors try to save her life while Mom & Dad stay by her side. Meanwhile, Emma is trapped in a dreamworld between life and death, struggling to regain consciousness while being pursued by a faceless, tear-drinking monster with hellishly chattering teeth (an impressively malevolent creation). 

Why some kids hate bath night.

The rest of the episodic narrative is Emma’s journey through a netherworld of her own mind’s creation, meeting several strange characters who try to help her before being devoured by Teeth (the monster's title in the credits). What some of these characters and sequences are supposed to symbolize is generally ambiguous, sometimes frustratingly so. And while the film is rife with creativity and features some great sequences, the story does feel a little repetitive at times.

Still, Moon Garden is an enjoyable horror-fantasy that might even be great for kids as an introduction to the horror genre (sort of like Poltergeist was for some of us). While the visuals might evoke the work of Guillermo del Toro or Terry Gilliam (maybe even Clive Barker’s Hellraiser, to a certain extent), it’s never particularly violent or flat-out terrifying…though Teeth could possibly cause a few nightmares.

EXTRA KIBBLES

BEHIND-THE-SCENES FEATURETTE - This is a very interesting piece with plenty of behind-the-scenes footage and interviews, which makes one appreciate what they were able to accomplish with limited resources.

SHORT FILM - “Every Dream is a Child with Teeth.” The basis for this film.

DELETED SCENES

TRAILER

ADVENTURES IN THE BUDGET BIN: The Pricey Pillow Party

A REPORT BY MR. BISCUITS🐈

Were pillows always this fucking expensive? 

To be clear, I’m not referring to the decorative throw pillows that Mama Kitty sometimes buys to spice up the living room sofa, replacing older ones that have apparently lost their spiciness. Since those are a pretty penny, too, I’ve occasionally asked her how many throw pillows one living room actually needs.

“I dunno,” she snarked one time. “How many copies of Jaws does one guy need on his video shelf?” Well played, Mama Kitty, well played.

Put that way, I guess I understand. If a new teal throw pillow is somehow an upgrade from the teal throw pillow already sitting on our couch, who am I to judge? At least it makes her happy, though I do think any pillow with an $80 price tag should at least come with a side of onion rings.

However, I’m actually referring to the plain old pillows we use for sleeping. I don’t recall paying exorbitant sums for them in the past. Or maybe they were always expensive and I just wasn’t paying attention. For me, a pillow is a just pillow…something to be replaced after the old one got too flat. And was ten bucks…tops.

During our recent date night (Starbucks & shopping on Saturday afternoons), Mama Kitty wanted to grab a couple of new ones to fill the pillowcases she just bought. Perhaps you’re thinking, “Why not just put the perfectly good pillows you already have in them?” While I might have thought the very same thing, suggesting as much would likely result in a snarky retort about my recent purchase of the entire Godfather Trilogy on 4K to replace my Godfather Trilogy on Blu-ray, which had replaced my Godfather Trilogy on DVD, which replaced my Godfather Trilogy on VHS. I ain’t gonna open up that can of worms.

So off we went to Marshall’s, which, as department stores go, is generally pretty affordable. Mama Kitty found two options…fluffy white pillows for $35 or fluffy white pillows for $50. Naturally, she chose the $50 ones. That’s a lot of cash for something I’m just gonna end up drooling on in my sleep. And they didn’t even come with onion rings.

We left Marshall’s with my wallet noticeably lighter, but not so light that a quick stop at Big Lots was out of the question. While Mama Kitty popped into Craft Warehouse next door, I made my way to Big Lots’ movie rack, where I found Exorcist: The Beginning (Blu-ray/$4.99). I wouldn’t call this prequel a good film…besides Die Hard 2, what Renny Harlan movie really is? But it does complete my Exorcist collection on Blu-ray, and if nothing else, it’s still better than Exorcist II: The Heretic.

How Father Merrin disposes of his old pillows.

It was actually a good day for collection completion. On the same shelf was Rise of the Planet of the Apes (Blu-ray/$4.99), the first film in the reboot/prequel trilogy (whatever you want to call it). Though I already own the DVD, I had the other two on Blu-ray and my video shelf just seemed incomplete without all three of them in the same format, not to mention the upgrade in picture & sound quality. 

I also grabbed a couple of blind buys, Becky (Blu-ray/$3.99) and a double-feature disc pairing Identity & Vacancy (Blu-ray/$6.99). Blind buys are less of a risk at five bucks a pop, and since I always meant to check these out, why not? I guess they could all be considered horror films, though after watching Identity, I’d say it’s more of a mystery thriller, and a pretty good one at that. Vacancy, however, is a bucket of monkey shit. As for Becky, I discovered I like Kevin James a lot more when he’s not trying to be funny (in fact, he’s pretty fucking creepy here, playing a vicious neo-Nazi).

All told, that’s five flicks for half the cost of a new pillow. But before leaving the store, I checked Big Lots’ bedding section to see if we could’ve found cheaper pillows. Sure enough, they had plenty of ‘em for only twenty bucks. I briefly considered snarking at Mama Kitty over her lack of comparison shopping skills, but thought better of it, especially since these $20 jobs didn’t feel nearly as cozy. Maybe a pillow isn’t always just a pillow.

Litter Box Treasures: GUN THE MAN DOWN (1956)

In Litter Box Treasures, we focus on a variety of older films which aren’t necessarily classics, but are well-worth discovering.

GUN THE MAN DOWN (1956)

Starring James Arness, Angie Dickinson, Robert Wilke, Emile Meyer, Don Megowan, Michael Emmet, Harry Carey Jr. Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen. (76 min).

Essay by D.M. ANDERSON💀

Along with the well-established classics, Hollywood cranked out a slew of budget-conscious, quickly-shot westerns to capitalize on the genre's enduring popularity. Most were minor diversions, now largely forgotten, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t some really good ones.

Gun the Man Down is one of those, and particularly noteworthy for several reasons. First, it features James Arness just before Gunsmoke made him a household name. Second, this is the first western directed by Andrew V. McLaglen, who’d go on to helm dozens of Gunsmoke episodes and several feature films starring John Wayne (who co-produced this). Third, it features Angie Dickinson, soon to become a Hollywood sex symbol, in her first prominent role.

The story is a fairly intriguing piece of revenge. Arness plays Rem, an outlaw left behind by his two partners after being shot during a bank robbery. To make matters worse, they take off with his girlfriend, Janice (Dickinson), during their escape. Rem goes to jail for a year and, upon release, wants some payback. His former partners, led by Matt Rankin (Robert J. Wilke), have since set themselves up pretty nicely with a small town saloon, and Janice has since settled in with Rankin. It doesn’t take long for Rem to track them down, but he has more in-mind than simply shooting them.

Not the most ambitious thing ever made, Gun the Man Down is quite good for what it is...a short, well-paced western with noirish plot elements (Janice could be considered something of a femme fatale). No one on either side of the camera stretches themselves too much, but enough to place it a notch or two above the usual low budget oaters of the era. On a side note, after seeing this, one might notice that the title doesn’t actually make much sense, but that’s just nitpicking.

BLOOD AND LACE: Not-So-Glorious Gloria

BLOOD AND LACE (Blu-ray)

1971 / 87 min

FROM SHORELINE ENTERTAINMENT

Available at MovieZyng.com

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Shortly after discovering the dark pleasures of film noir (relatively late in life), I developed sort of a retroactive crush on Gloria Grahame. She acted in other genres, of course, but that inherent sultriness made her one of the quintessential femme fatales. Watching Grahame seduce the screen in such classics as Crossfire and The Big Heat always had me thinking I was born a few decades too late.

Not having seen any of Grahame’s latter career work, I was understandably (perhaps morbidly) curious about 1971’s Blood and Lace. This lurid exploitation film is typical of the low budget junk many former starlets ended up doing in order to stay gainfully employed. She was in her late forties at the time, so I don’t know if this quite qualifies as “hagsploitation,” though her role is similar to those played by the likes of Tallulah Bankhead and Bette Davis…an aging human monster. Still, Blood and Lace is cut from the same cloth.

But unlike such campy classics as Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, cheap production values, drab direction and an overall sleazy tone make Blood and Lace a depressing endurance test, exacerbated by a picture so murky that a decent Blu-ray transfer can't save it. I’ll give Grahame this much…as Mrs. Deere, the greedy, sadistic purveyor of an orphanage, she gives the film’s best performance. That may not be saying much since most of the young cast - led by protagonist Ellie (Melody Patterson) - are uniformly awful and look way too old to pass for orphans.

"Well, you ain't exactly Glenn Ford, are you?"

The story itself has Ellie being dropped off at the orphanage following the brutal murder of her prostitute mother. Mrs. Deere runs the place with an iron fist, subjecting kids to all kinds of physical and psychological abuse while local social worker Mr. Mullins (Milton Selzer) looks the other way. Meanwhile, there’s a masked killer on the loose, presumably the same person who killed Ellie’s mother. However, the lead detective on the case, Calvin Carruthers (Vic Tayback), seems more obsessed with Ellie than catching the killer (yeah…yuck). 

Though pretty violent for a PG-rated film, thrillseekers unfazed by the narrative’s nastier aspects would still probably find Blood and Lace a chore to sit through. Even by hagsploitation’s lowly standards, this is cheap, dull and poorly assembled. It's sort of sad to think this was the only work Gloria Grahame could get at the time.