THE JOLLY MONKEY: What Else Would You Expect From The Asylum?

THE JOLLY MONKEY (DVD)

2025 / 93 min

The Asylum

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Those lovable lunatics at The Asylum are back at it. Being the undisputed kings of the “mockbuster,” taking time to review damn near any of their movies is almost an exercise in redundancy. People either hate them because they’re barely disguised rip-offs, or love them because they’re barely disguised rip-offs.

This time we’re getting The Jolly Monkey, it’s title and cover art obviously created to evoke Osgood Perkin’s recent Stephen King adaptation, The Monkey. Comparing the two is, of course, pointless, but not just in terms of overall quality. It’s already a given that it’s gonna be cheaper, cheesier and cast with actors who don’t even warrant their own Wikipedia page (nor does the movie, for that matter).

But plotwise, The Jolly Monkey kinda goes in a different direction. It’s more of a slasher movie about two sisters and their families inheriting a dilapidated old motel once owned by their parents. While bickering over whether to sell the property or restore it, they’re being killed-off one by one by a murderer in a monkey costume, who also slices off their faces.

"What's the problem? You said dress formal."

The story also clumsily throws in supernatural elements related to all the beat-up old toy monkeys laying around the place. Additionally, it turns out the family has a dark past, especially the sisters’ dad, who was both a hide-tanning expert and serial killer in his spare time. As for who’s knocking everybody off this time around, viewers will have no trouble figuring it out the killer's identity because there’s no such thing as subtlety in their performance. But at least it is a performance, which can’t really be said about the rest of the cast.

Because of the mostly serious tone, silly dialogue, dumb characters and a villain that elicits more chuckles than scares, The Jolly Monkey is more of an unintentional comedy than a horror film (though a couple of death scenes are pretty good). But with The Asylum pulling the strings (including the purse strings), that shouldn’t come as a surprise…or a disappointment, either.

TERMINUS: Campy Chaos

TERMINUS (Blu-ray)

1987 / 115 & 85 min (2 versions)

MVD Rewind Collection

Review by Stinky the Destroyer😼

Though I practically lived at my local video store back in the ‘80s, I don’t recall ever coming across this title on the shelves. Maybe it was there and I never noticed, or maybe it just happened to be rented out whenever I popped in. But based on the cover art, suggesting yet another Road Warrior rip-off, Terminus is something I probably would have rented.

Not that I would’ve expected a good movie (in the traditional sense, anyway). Countless low budget Road Warrior ripoffs were cranked out back then (a lot of ‘em hailing from Europe…mostly Italy) and none of them were ever mistaken for good. However, “good” is not always synonymous with entertaining. Some of these films were great fun, often at their own expense.

True to form, Terminus isn’t a good movie either, but does boast a WTF quality that's kind of a kick (again, at its own expense). This one's a French-German co-production that, unlike the stuff oozing from Italy, looks like there’s actually a sizeable budget behind it. However, the kitchen sink story is so all-over-the-place that it's often baffling, sometimes amusingly so. 

Terminus has its own Mad Max in Stump, played by hunky French rock star Johnny Hallyday. He drives an AI-powered truck called Monster in a game developed by a child genius who turns out to be a clone of another genius known as “Doctor” (Jürgen Prochnow, playing three different roles, including one where he’s costumed like a drag queen). The object of the game is to reach a place called Terminus while dodging violent attacks by “The Greys,” who pursue him in tanks but mostly end up crashing & burning (sort of making them the vehicular version of Imperial Stormtroopers).

Nothing gets in the way of Amazon Prime delivery.

Karen Allen shows up for awhile as Monster’s initial driver and Stump’s hilariously brief love interest, but her role is superfluous. Things get complicated when the AI (depicted as a disembodied mouth on the truck’s dashboard) malfunctions and begins to feel bad about itself. Oh…and did I mention the dreaded Ghost Truck, lurking in the periphery and driven by another character played by Prochnow? 

There’s goofy action here and there, some of it looking rather expensive, though most of the movie’s camp appeal lies in the batshit story and an overall aesthetic that practically screams 1980s (including your standard issue synth score and a central control room that resembles a nightclub). Terminus is junk, but can be entertaining junk if one is in the right frame of mind (or tripping on shrooms).

Of all the Road Warrior ripoffs glutting shelves in the ‘80s, Terminus is definitely one of the weirder ones. A fitting addition to the MVD Rewind Collection, this disc includes two versions of the movie, the U.S. version and the European director’s cut, which runs a half-hour longer. There are significant story and tonal differences between them, though the latter is arguably the best cut since it tends to be a little more comprehensible. It also comes with a decent selection of bonus features (outlined below). 

EXTRA KIBBLES

EUROPEAN & U.S. VERSIONS

WE ALL DESCEND: THE MAKING OF TERMINUS is a 50-minute retrospective doc featuring interviews with director Pierre-William Glenn, as well as his son and daughter, the latter of whom had a major role in Terminus as a child. This is a surprisingly revealing feature.

INTERVIEW WITH JÜRGEN PROCHNOW - The actor discusses his career, particularly following Das Boot and leading up to this film.

PHOTO GALLERY

REVERSIBLE COVER

MINI POSTER

TRAILER

CRUEL JAWS: The Novelization...Really!

CRUEL JAWS (Novel)

By Brad Carter

2024 / 336 pp

FROM ENCYCLOPOCALYPSE PUBLICATIONS

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Bookworm😺

What a cool idea…take some of cinema’s cheesiest, most craptastic low budget horror films and give ‘em the full novelization treatment. Then include covers that either resemble the original promotional artwork, or better yet, look like they could’ve been released back in the good ol’ days when such pulpy paperbacks were found at every Waldenbooks and supermarket rack in the country.

It’s the brainchild of Encyclopocalypse Publications, and I can’t believe I’ve just now learned about this Movie Tie-In Series. Growing up with paperback novelizations like this is what got me to start (voluntarily) reading in the first place. Encyclopocalypse is now partnering with Severin Films to produce a series of novels based on classic cult films released by the label over the years. First up is Cruel Jaws, inspired by one of the goofiest, most infamous Jaws ripoffs ever made. 

For those unaware, Cruel Jaws was notorious for its cut-rate production, copycat story (right down to copping some of Jaws’ dialogue) and lifting most of the shark footage from other movies…including Jaws itself. An Italian production (though shot in the U.S.), it was directed by prolific sleaze merchant Bruno Mattei, who never met a popular film he couldn’t redo faster and cheaper.

The novel, adapted by Brad Carter from the original screenplay, tells basically the same story and includes some of the same daffy dialogue, though it nicely fleshes out the film’s cardboard characters and expands the subplots. At the same time, Carter doesn’t forget he’s cranking out a pulpy piece of exploitation. The novel is loaded with gobs of nasty gore and explicit sex, which was ironically absent from the film (considering Mattei’s dubious reputation). 

Available in two editions.

Obviously, we ain’t talking The Old Man and the Sea here. The book will never be mistaken for great literature, nor is its author a master wordsmith. Still, Cruel Jaws is a fun read, with plenty of spectacular shark action that Mattei was simply unable to depict with the meager resources at his disposal. A guilty pleasure, to be sure, but a compulsive page turner.

The icing on the cake is the wonderful book design. Cruel Jaws is available in both mass market or trade editions, each with different covers. The trade version features the film’s original promotional art. But personally, I have a nostalgic soft spot for the mass market edition because it closely resembles the Jaws 2 novelization and recalls an era when novels like this were never intended as anything more than quick & dirty beach reads (which this book definitely is). 

And what movie tie-in would be complete without stills from the movie itself? This one includes 17 pages of black & white photos along and the film’s original poster art. The book also features a forward by Sharksploitation director Stephen Scarlata, who nicely sums up Cruel Jaws’ place in the pantheon of squalid shark cinema. 

We’ve all heard someone boast their literary snootiness with “the book was better than the movie.” But in this case, it’s inarguably true. While you may ashamed of yourself for enjoying it, Cruel Jaws is a bloody blast.

HIGH CRIME (4K): Superlative Poliziotteschi

HIGH CRIME (4K UHD)

1973 / 103 min

FROM BLUE UNDERGROUND

Review by Mr. Paws😺

When unearthing, restoring and releasing classics (especially cult classics) on physical media, I wish more boutique labels would follow Blue Underground’s lead. For certain films, in addition to the usual 4K & Blu-ray copies, they’ve been throwing in a bonus CD of the music score. More often than not, it’s a rare chance to hear the music outside of the context of the movie.

Let’s see a streaming service offer that.

This time, they pull out all the stops for 1973’s High Crime, a popular, influential Italian thriller and one of the better films in the poliziotteschi genre. Franco Nero stars as Belli, a cop fiercely dedicated to disrupting the heroin trade, which he suspects is overseen by the powerful Griva family. Belli frequently refers to “retired” gangster Cafiero (Fernando Rey) for assistance, though the latter may very well be trying to insinuate himself back on top of the heap. 

However, the Grivas are practically untouchable despite a massive dossier compiled by Belli’s superior, Commissioner Scavino (James Whitmore). After Scavino is murdered, Belli becomes the new commissioner, and his scorched earth approach in nailing Grivas dramatically raises the stakes, both personally and professionally. 

Franco gets near-o.

Like many Italian movies of the era, particularly those directed by Enzo G. Castellari, High Crime is clearly inspired by American cinema, stopping just short completely ripping-off what's currently popular. In this case, it's The French Connection, going so far as to tap Fernando Rey (the antagonist in Friedkin’s film) for a key supporting role. I suppose the biggest difference is that, even though Belli is just as obsessed as Popeye Doyle in pursuing his case, it comes at tremendous personal cost (which I won’t spoil by elaborating here). This element (however briefly) renders the film more emotionally affecting than The French Connection…

…not that this one ever approaches the grit, artistry and tension of Friedkin’s film. Not even close. Still, High Crime is to The French Connection what Grizzly was to Jaws…a knock-off to be sure, but a very enjoyable slab of action in its own right. There are shoot-outs, bombings and one hell of an opening car chase, all directed with efficient aplomb by Castellari, who proudly wears his influences on his sleeve. While Nero’s obviously no Gene Hackman, he delivers a tough, dedicated performance that approaches scenery chewing, but as Belli, he’s an engaging and likable hero. Elsewhere, Rey conveys the same cool menace as he did in The French Connection, while Whitmore is sort of wasted in a comparatively thankless role.

A huge hit in Europe, High Crime is undoubtedly a product of its era and region, but remains a superlative poliziotteschi film. Considering the genre’s somewhat scrappy reputation, that might be considered faint praise, but fans of this stuff are sure to eat it up, especially with a 4K restoration. In addition to an excellent transfer (it looks great and sounds even better), this disc comes with a terrific selection of bonus features. 

EXTRA KIBBLES

4K & BLU-RAY COPIES (a majority of the supplements are on the Bluray disc).

SOUNDTRACK CD - Following an audio introduction in both Italian & English, the disc features 19 jazzy tracks with occasional Goblin-esque touches. Certainly a product of its time, its nevertheless an enjoyable listen on its own terms, with a couple of catchy recurring themes. Composed by Guido & Maurizio De Angeles (collectively known as Oliver Onions). Track listing and musical credits are on an insert.

ARCHIVAL INTERVIEWS - Several individually filmed interviews, most in Italian with English subtitles. The Genoa Connection features director Enzo G. Castellari and actor Franco Nero; From Dust to Asphalt is another interview with Castellari; Hard Stunts for High Crimes features stuntman Massimo Vanni; Framing Crime features cameraman Roberto Girometti; The Sound of Onions features composers Guido & Maurizio De Angeles.

3 AUDIO COMMENTARIES - 1) By director Enzo G. Castellari; 2) By actor Franco Nero and filmmaker Mike Malloy (who once directed a poliziotteschi documentary called Eurocrime!); 3) By historians Troy Howarth, Nathaniel Thompson & Eugenio Ercolani.

THE CONNECTION CONNECTION - Filmmaker Mike Malloy discusses this film and its derivative origins. 

ALTERNATE ENDING - Almost the same, save for a shot that's removed from the final cut, which renders the ending even bleaker.

TRAILER

GALLERY - Features lobby cards, stills, posters, home video cover art, etc.

REVERSIBLE COVER

Craptastic CROCODILE

CROCODILE (Blu-ray)

1979 / 92 min

FROM SYNAPSE FILMS

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Of all the Jaws rip-offs that oozed into theaters for a slice of the killer critter pie (and there were a ton of ‘em), 1979’s Crocodile is a strong candidate for the crappiest, kookiest and most comical of them all. Considering how many hailed from Italy alone over the years, that’s really saying something…

…which means, for some viewers, this flick will be irresistible. You know who you are.

A Thai-Korean co-production, Crocodile opens with an ominous voice-over about nature striking back, followed by about five minutes impressively apocalyptic hurricane footage that’s clearly lifted from another movie. However, this disaster actually has nothing to do with the story because the giant title creature is the result of nuclear testing. 

Now when I say “giant,” it actually depends on the scene. Sometimes this ravenous reptile is as large as the awesome cover art depicts, other times he’s the size of a kayak. Either way, he indiscriminately chows down on tourists and villagers alike, including the families of a couple of doctors, who vow to destroy the beast themselves. That’s the nutshell plot, with a final act lifted right out of Jaws...the protagonists charter a boat owned by a hunkier version of Quint, leading to a similarly explosive (yet baffling) climax.

"We're gonna need a bigger budget."

But that isn’t what makes Crocodile comedy gold. As they say, the journey is more important than the destination. Along the way, this journey serves up a smorgasbord of endearing ineptitude. This is the English language version, meaning we’re treated to some truly daffy dubbing. In a scene featuring ducks in a pond, even the ducks are dubbed! And not only can this croc change size at-will, he can change eye color, too, even turning them into hellish red headlights in a night scene. 

Elsewhere, there’s plenty o’ stock footage, histrionic performances, borrowed music, weed-whacker editing, underwater sequences obviously shot in a swimming pool, and the piece de resistance, a ridiculously abrupt climax that leaves the viewer wondering what the hell just happened. I could go on, but poking fun at a movie like this is like shooting fish in a barrel, with the fish already dead. What matters is that the serious tone and sincerity of its filmmakers makes Crocodile more consistently entertaining than the smarmy self-awareness prevalent in today’s nature-run-amok cheapies.

But the fun doesn’t stop at the film itself. This disc features a 30-minute interview with director Won-Se Lee, whose recollections of the film might be a little hazy, but we're certainly convinced he thought he was making a good movie at the time. What makes the interview priceless is, when asked how he felt about his name being replaced by Sompote Sands in the credits of foreign releases, Lee was completely unaware this had happened. Upon hearing this - 45 years later! -  he’s genuinely surprised and vows to “look into this.” Poor bastard.

EXTRA KIBBLES

INTERVIEW WITH WON-SE LEE - Lee is director of the original version, titled Crocodile Fangs.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By film historian Lee Gambin

5 DELETED/ALTERNATE SCENES

TRAILER