KITTEN COLLECTIBLES #15: The Long Flight Delay

In addition to watching and writing about films, I’m something of a memorabilia collector. I ain’t out there bidding on Dorothy’s ruby slippers or anything, but certainly enjoy haunting local shops for a variety of movie-related stuff. Or when feeling particularly bold, I’ll occasionally overpay for some retro relic on eBay. More often than not, I leave stores empty-handed. But every now and then, I’ll find a small treasure that doesn’t completely empty my wallet and give it a new home in the Dave Cave.

A Treasure Hunt by D.M. ANDERSON💀

Just recently, an itch was finally scratched.

Of all the different cinematic knick-knacks and doo-dads I collect, my favorites are die-cast replicas of vehicles from various movies…especially older movies, which aren’t always so easy to find. Hence, I probably shelled-out more than I needed to for the likes of the Deathmobile from 1978’s Animal House, and the titular terror from 1977’s delightfully daffy dumpster fire, The Car. And I’m always on the hunt for a decent deal on Herbie from The Love Bug.

Alas, there are some vehicles I’ll probably never see in my display case...Damnation Alley’s Landmaster, one of the trucks from Sorcerer, any of the racecars used in Death Race 2000, the blimp from Black Sunday, just to name a few. As far as I know, no such replicas exist. But it pays to be vigilant, because lo and behold, I stmbled upon a website that was taking pre-orders for diecast models of the fictional airliners from the Airport series of disaster films, which has been my favorite genre since I was a kid. Woah!

Because just one would cost more than I’ve ever dropped for a single collectible, I made sure to get the wife’s okay (I now owe her four pedicure sessions) before whipping out my Visa card and gleefully trumpeting “Just shut up and take my money!” Because I hold the most nostalgic fondness for Airport 1975 (even if it isn’t necessarily the best of them), I chose the Columbia Airlines 747 from that film. 

That was almost two years ago. The shipping date came-and-went with no fucking plane in my mailbox, and months of corresponding with the seller grew increasingly frustrating. They said the biggest obstacle holding things up were those wonderful new tariffs that were making America great again. As if I needed another reason to wish the tortures of the damned upon that greasy, gelatinous primate squatting in the White House, the motherfucker had to make it personal! 

On numerous occasions, I considered cancelling the order. While I’m fairly secure financially, that’s a shit-ton of money that might have been put to more practical use…like a life-sized Alien xenomorph figure that would look great in the living room (anticipating the wife’s refusal to let that ever happen, booking a romantic weekend with her at the beach would work, too). To put my total wait time in perspective, it takes Boeing roughly four months to build a real 747. During the days, weeks & months I waited at the mailbox, six new jumbo took to the friendly skies. 

Then just as I was ready to give up and book that beach weekend instead, I got an e-mail saying my order was on its way. Here’s what a hopeless nerd I am (even at my age): I left work early to be home the day it was scheduled to arrive. When it did, I heard a heavenly choir as I unboxed the plane and gazed in awe at this shiny diecast wonder. It was beautiful…the only thing that would’ve made it perfect are tiny Roy Thinnes and Erik Estrada figures flying from the ripped-open cockpit.

It’s also heavy enough to kill a man if I were so inclined. Serving as both a prized collectible and a blunt-force method of self-defense, I guess it was a practical purchase after all. My family was slightly less impressed, offering a collective “that’s nice” from my daughters and “that’s going downstairs in your room, right?” from my wife. As the Holy Grail of diecast collectibles (for now), you’re damn right it is, baby.

Ideal for home defense.