SIEGE and That Can-Do Spirit

SIEGE (Blu-ray Review)

1982 / 84 min (Theatrical Cut) / 93 min (‘Cannes’ Cut)

FROM SEVERIN FILMS

Review by Fluffy the Fearless😽

Sometimes you gotta admire a movie’s can-do spirit, even when the filmmakers obviously lack the budget to fulfill their ambitions.

A Canadian production, Siege is an early film written & co-directed by Paul Donovan, who went on to earn a bit of notoriety outside his native Canada with Def-Con 4 and the sci-fi series, LEXX. Like John Carpenter’s similarly-grassroots Assault of Precinct 13, the film’s protagonists are protecting themselves against an ongoing attack by heavily-armed thugs. 

In this case, it’s a hate group calling itself the “New Order,” who decide to establish their own set of fascist rules during a citywide police strike, which includes rousting a gay bar. When they accidentally kill the owner, the leader decides the witnesses should all die. However, one of them, Chester (Daryl Haney), escapes and finds refuge in a nearby apartment building. When the half-dozen tenants - fronted by de facto leader Horatio (Tom Nardini), - refuse to turn him over, the New Order begin their attack, which comprises a majority of the narrative.

It’s a solid premise, perhaps unexpectedly timely in light of recent events. An action film about protecting the rights and safety of a gay man against a hate group is somewhat unique for its time (this was 1982). Additionally, the New Order themselves aren’t too far removed from the mobs of mouth-breathing morons proliferating the news today. Throw a MAGA hat on these ignoramuses and it’s easy to imagine them storming the Capitol building.

"Hey, I thought it was Ladies Night."

However, there’s only about five of them. Some New Order. In fact, Siege is often hampered by its overall smallness. From the get-go, it’s obvious Donovan & friends lacked even Carpenter’s meager financial resources to convincingly pull-off an action movie. Still, the film isn’t without merit. It’s conceptually simple, yet intelligently written. There are stupid characters, of course, but only because the story necessitates them, not because they’re written stupidly. After all, who wants to watch a movie featuring clever, resourceful homophobes?

So despite the pedestrian performances, low-wattage action and anemic special effects (including the sound), Siege is an interesting curio. Not entirely successful, the film is nevertheless a result of sheer determination, budget be damned. And though it’s highly doubtful anyone involved was forward-thinking enough to concern themselves with posterity, certain thematic aspects of the film remain surprisingly relevant. 

EXTRA KIBBLES

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Paul Donovan and filmmaker Jason Eisener (Mr. Hobo with a Shotgun himself).

TRAILER

LIMITED EDITION SLIPCOVER (Actually different from the box art)

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD. LIKE CAT CHOW.

I WOULDN'T BE IN YOUR SHOES: Forgettable But Fun

I WOULDN’T BE IN YOUR SHOES (Blu-ray Review)

1948 / 71 min

FROM WARNER ARCHIVE COLLECTION

Review by Mr. Paws😼

Typical of Monogram Pictures’ Poverty Row quickies, I Wouldn’t Be in Your Shoes has been mostly forgotten over time. Lacking the kind of budget and production values that attract big stars and directors, there’s nothing particularly memorable about the film. Still, this briskly paced, efficiently directed little slab of film noir is a fairly entertaining way to kill 70 minutes. Just don’t go into it expecting another Dark Passage.

The film opens with Tom Quinn (Don Castle) on death row, due to be executed in a few hours. In flashbacks, the man recalls the events leading up to that point. He and Ann Quinn (Elyse Knox) are a down-on-their-luck husband & wife dance team living in a tiny apartment. He’s unemployed, while she makes a few extra bucks as a dance teacher. One night, a frustrated Tom throws his shoes out the window at a howling cat, but when he goes out to retrieve them, they’re gone. The next day, their luck appears to be taking a turn for the better. Not only have his shoes been mysteriously returned to their doorstep, Tom later finds a wallet containing $2000. 

"Yeah...I'm in a band. Lead tambourine."

Meanwhile, in another nearby apartment, an old man with a shady past has been murdered. The word around the neighborhood is that he had thousands of dollars stashed in his place. Later, the police match an imprint with one of Tom’s shoes, then identify bills spent by the couple as belonging to the victim. Tom is arrested, convicted and sentenced to die, though Ann insists he’s innocent. She implores Inspector Judd (Regis Toomey) to help her find the real killer. Since he’s somewhat enamored with her, she offers to marry him if he can prove Tom’s innocence. 

While the performances are perfunctory, Tom & Ann are likable enough to keep us invested in their predicament. Direction by journeyman William Nigh never rises above proficient, but he keeps things moving along with little muss or fuss, which tends to gloss over some lapses in plausibility. Though no one’s gonna walk away thinking I Wouldn’t be in Your Shoes is a lost classic, it’s never boring, wasting none of its brief running time with superfluous details. Anchored by a nifty twist ending, this is an enjoyable second-tier film-noir.

EXTRA KIBBLES

SHORT - “The Symphony Murder Mystery”

LOONEY TUNES SHORT - “Holiday for Shoestrings”

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD. LIKE CAT CHOW.

A QUIET PLACE PART II: The Rest of the Story

A QUIET PLACE PART II (4K UHD Review)

2021 / 96 min

FROM PARAMOUNT

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

In a genre rife with rip-offs, rehashes and remakes, A Quiet Place was a breath of fresh air. It was a fright flick of awesome simplicity, setting-up its premise with a minimum of exposition before letting the setting, tone and well-rounded characters take care of the rest. The hows or whys weren’t important.

Being a well-deserved blockbuster, a sequel was inevitable, though not really necessary. It also presents a quandary. Do you simply give viewers more of the same, knowing full-well that the novelty of your concept won’t be as effective the second time? Or do you succumb to the temptation of expounding on these creatures’ biology, origins and motives, ultimately diluting some of the mystique that rendered them so malevolent in the first place? After all, weren’t the xenomorphs in the Alien franchise a lot scarier when we knew less about them?

Or...do you go the Godfather II route and create not-so-much a sequel as another chapter of the same story?

John Krasinski makes a wise choice with the aptly-titled A Quiet Place Part II. After a thrilling flashback prologue showing “Day 1,” it picks up immediately where the first film left off. As such, the narrative unfolds on the assumption viewers are already aware of the events leading up to this point, including the ultimate fate of Lee Abbott (Krasinski), as well as daughter Regan’s (Millicent Simmonds) discovery that her hearing-aid, when amplified, is a powerful creature deterrent. 

The surviving Abbots, Evelyn (Emily Blunt), son Marcus (Noah Jupe), Regan and their unnamed newborn baby leave their decimated home for a perilous trek to find safe refuge. They come across former neighbor Emmett (Cillian Murphy), who’s been hiding in an old mill. Having lost his own family - and pretty much any hope of surviving much longer - he’s reluctant to offer protection. When Regan interprets an old song repeatedly playing on the radio as a signal, she learns the station is on an island - perhaps free of the creatures - and sets-off on her own to find it. 

When Evelyn discovers Regan has left, she insists Emmett go out to bring her back. However, when he does find her, Regan convinces him getting to the island is possible if they can just find a boat. Meanwhile, Evelyn must leave the mill to find oxygen for the baby and medicine for Marcus, whose leg was injured in a bear trap. While she’s out, Marcus accidentally attracts the attention of the creatures, putting himself and the baby in danger.

"Hi!"

Speaking of which, Marcus graduates from being merely timid in the first film to irritatingly stupid and shrill in this one. However, I think that’s intentional, to counter Regan’s character growth as both a problem solver and leadership role left vacant by her father. Despite Evelyn’s maternal protectiveness and Emmett’s latent heroism, Part II is ultimately Regan’s story more than anyone else’s. 

Elsewhere, the film delivers levels of suspense similar to the first film, with several tension-filled set-pieces pitting these characters against the creatures, as well as a deadly encounter with another group of survivors. Once again, the use of oppressive silence is used to great effect and, other than revealing one key weakness, Krasinski wisely avoids developing the creatures any further than what was established in the first film. They remain as mindlessly aggressive & nasty as ever...though not as uniquely terrifying this time around because we pretty-much know what to expect from them.

So while not quite as fresh as the original, A Quiet Place Part II is a worthy follow-up. By continuing the same story rather than contriving a new one, we’re already invested in these characters before a single monster shows up. Dedicated performances, strong characters and continued narrative simplicity make it a better-than-average horror sequel...if you still want to call it one.

EXTRA KIBBLES 

4K, BLU-RAY & DIGITAL COPIES

FEATURETTES - “Director Diaries with John Krasinski”; “Pulling Back the Curtain” (where Krasinski explains his take on the creatures); “Regan’s Journey” (Simmonds discusses her character) ; “Surviving the Marina” (a breakdown of one of the bigger action scenes); “Detectable Disturbance” (visual effects & sound design).

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY, SEASON THREE: What a Difference a Millennium Makes

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY, SEASON THREE (DVD Review)

2020-2021 / 666 min (13 Episodes)

FROM PARAMOUNT

Review by Carl, the Couch Potato😺

Sending an existing Star Trek crew 900 years into the future - with no apparent hope of returning to their own time - is one of the more interesting creative decisions made for the franchise in a long time. 

The entire third season of Star Trek: Discovery is set in 3188, which opens up a plethora of narrative and aesthetic opportunities. No longer confined to repackaging the same technology, the same Utopian future and the same Starfleet SOP, the show is free to expand or tear-down existing Trekverse conventions, which happens early and often. For the crew of Discovery, this ain’t their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaddy’s universe.

This jump to the 32nd Century actually happened at the end of Season Two. Season Three begins after they’ve arrived. New viewers might initially be perplexed, since the obligatory recap just sticks to the basics: Discovery’s jump to the future saved all of civilization, it’s a one-way trip and the ship has been gifted with a “spore drive,” allowing it to instantaneously jump from one destination to another. Most of the other particulars about Season Two’s story are only hinted at. 

But ultimately, it’s all the info anyone new to the party really needs, since this one features a different story arc and mostly new subplots. One of the franchise’s strengths was always establishing diverse, dynamic characters and repeatedly reminding us of what makes them endearing. Hence, we quickly learn returning characters’ various idiosyncrasies while being introduced to interesting new ones (such as Book, a Han Solo-like pilot played by David Ajala). Speaking of the latter, it’s safe to say that Discovery is now the most inclusive show in the series - maybe in all of television - with a cast of characters so diverse they make the crew of the original series look like the Republican senate. One would be hard-pressed to think of a race, age group, class, gender or sexual orientation that isn’t respectfully represented by a major character, which would undoubtedly make Gene Roddenberry proud.

Our favorite new Star Trek character. Book is pretty cool, too.

Currently, the Federation is in shambles, a shadow of its former self following a catastrophic event known as The Burn, which destroyed most of the dilithium in the galaxy. Without it, warp speed isn’t possible. Season 13 consists of two major story arcs. First is Discovery’s search for Federation headquarters, which is no longer located on Earth (Which has broken from theFederation). When they do find it, the crew is in awe of the advancement in technology. However, Discovery’s spore drive means it’s the only ship that doesn’t require dilithium, meaning the ship and crew are immediately vital to Starfleet. This leads to the second main story: Trying to determine what caused The Burn in the first place, which recently-demoted science officer Michael Burnham (Sonequa Martin-Green) believes holds the key to restoring the Federation to its former greatness.

However, not everyone they encounter loves or trusts the Federation, including some planets that were once part of it, such as Ni’Var (a Vulcan-Romulan alliance). Additionally, they aren’t the only big fish in the pond. The Emerald Chain is a brutal slave-based syndicate headed by Osyraa (Janet Kidder), a tyrant who not-only despises the Federation, she sets her sights on grabbing Discovery’s spore drive for her own use.

Interspersed among these 13 episodes are various subplots, some which are cerebral and idea-driven, others which consist of balls-out action more akin to Star Wars. With a plodding exception or two, these side stories are very entertaining, many of which either introduce new characters and delve deeper into existing ones, such as the two-parter featuring Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yoah). Fans might recall she’s not the commander from previous seasons, but the displaced power-mad emperor from a hostile parallel universe who has somehow endeared herself to this crew (though she professes to despise them).

But the intricate, interwoven narratives would be meaningless without good characters, smart writing and - above all - a willingness to provide closure, all of which Season Three provides in abundance. One of this writer’s biggest turn-offs about serialized TV is the dreaded season-ending cliffhanger. However, aside from a few lingering threads, all of these storylines are brought to satisfying conclusions. With its unique-for-the-franchise setting and a growing cast of ever-evolving characters, Season Three is a terrific stand-alone binge-a-thon.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - “Star Trek: Discovery: The Voyage of Season Three” (an overview of the entire season from various writers & producers); “Being Michael Burnham” (Sonequa Martin-Green discusses her character); “Kenneth Mitchell: To Boldly Go” (Interview with the actor, who’s struggling with ALS); “Writer’s Log: Michelle Paradise” (the writer/producer’s video diary); “Stunted” (short featurette covering the stunt work); “Bridge Building” (a featurette on the primary characters)

GAG REEL

DELETED SCENES

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.

HYDRA: Quality Over Quantity

HYDRA (Blu-ray Review)

2019 / 77 min

FROM WELL GO USA

Review by Tiger the Terrible😺

Hydra is the name of a tiny bar owned and operated by Rina (Miu), who inherited it from her father. Takashi (Masanori Mimoto) is her stone-faced cook who keeps to himself and almost never speaks. When he does, it is usually because he’s coerced to. 

Later, he comes to Rina’s rescue when a lecherous older man uses a date rape drug to try and have his way with her. Takashi demonstrates considerable fighting skills but doesn’t kill the man. Later, we learn the man was a cop and subsequently killed by a shady organization called the Tokyo Life Group, who Takashi once worked for as their top assassin before quitting to watch over Rina, the daughter of his mentor.

However, Takashi ain’t a bad guy. Neither is Tokyo Life, for that matter, mainly in the business of dispatching a variety of awful people. Convoluted circumstances drag Takashi back into his old job, basically to square against a vagrant mercenary who’s targeting Takashi’s former colleagues and uses Rina to coax him into a fight to the death.

The plot of Hydra is often unnecessarily perplexing, but ultimately inconsequential because what makes the movie a small winner are the main characters and the fight scenes. 

Kings of the dance floor.

The whole “back-for-one-last-job” trope is as old as the hills, but Takashi is pretty likable, despite the stone-cold exterior. In fact, his quietly intimidating demeanor often provides the film’s few moments of levity, while the paternal relationship he has with Rina is charming...and eventually heartwarming.

As martial arts films go, Hydra is actually rather sparse in the action department, but what’s here is amazing and I’ll take quality over quantity every time. There are two major fight sequences, with kicks, flips, punches and knives that come so fast & furious that we might momentarily suspect they were shot in fast-motion. But it’s simply amazing choreography, unembellished by trickery or hyperactive editing. 

Running a lean 77 minutes, Hydra hooks us with two engaging main characters, delivers a couple of astounding fight sequences, then gets the hell out before it has a chance to wear out its welcome. With efficiency like that, it’s fairly easy to forgive the murkier story elements.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.

JAKOB'S WIFE: The Barbara Crampton Show

JAKOB’S WIFE (Blu-ray Review)

2021 / 98 min

FROM RLJE FILMS

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

In horror circles, Barbara Crampton needs no introduction. She’s a legendary scream queen, gracing the big and small screen in scores of genre films - good & bad, classic & not-so-classic - for nearly 40 years. She has also aged gracefully and shows no signs of slowing down. But despite her reputation and extensive filmography, it’s surprising how seldom she’s been asked to carry a film herself (as in almost never). 

The good news - especially for anyone who grew up worshipping at her altar - is Crampton is almost the whole show here. The better news is that, playing a meek housewife who evolves into an insatiable bloodsucker, she totally nails it.

Jakob’s Wife is aptly titled, since Anne Fedder (Crampton) has mostly existed in the background during her 30 year marriage to Jakob (Larry Fessenden), a self-absorbed pastor who seems barely aware she’s even around. And when she does try to speak, he often cuts her off before she can get a word in. Though obviously unhappy - as demonstrated when an old flame returns to town - Anne has resigned herself to a daily routine of tending to Jakob’s needs.

Another pick-up for the FedEx guy.

All that changes when she’s bitten by a monstrous vampire known as The Master (Bonnie Aarons). Not-only does Anne start craving raw meat & blood, she grows stronger, sexier and more uninhibited. More significantly, Anne stops putting up with Jakob’s bullshit. It’s a remarkable, highly amusing transformation, which Crampton plays to the hilt. When Jakob discovers what’s going on - catching her dining on a neighbor in the kitchen - he insists on vanquishing The Master himself, thus freeing Anne. However, Anne is not so sure she wants to be freed. 

No stranger to the horror genre himself, Fessenden has his share of funny moments and does a good job making us resent Jakob as much as Anne does. Still, this is definitely the Barbara Crampton show. She makes the most of the opportunity with a performance that’s initially nuanced and affecting before engaging in some prime scenery-chewing. It’s also gotta be said that even though she’s more-than-willing to play her actual age, Crampton still knows how to turn on the sex appeal. Most of us can only dream of looking that good in our 60s.

Though occasionally very bloody, Jakob’s Wife is seldom scary, nor does it really try that hard to be. And as bloodsucking antagonists go, The Master is relatively generic and perfunctory. However, the film is cleverly conceived, with a plenty of black comedy, some narrative surprises and an audacious performance by one of horror’s most luminary ladies.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTE - The Making of Jakob’s Wife.

DELETED SCENES

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.

Stay Out of ROOM 9

ROOM 9 (DVD Review)

2021 / 105 min

FROM LIONSGATE

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

For reasons probably known only to writer-director Thomas Walton, most of Room 9 is shot and edited like the opening title sequence of Seven. Shaky video, jagged cuts and intentionally distorted images may have been cutting-edge 25 years ago. But here, it’s a parlor trick that serves no discernible purpose, save for maybe trying to mask a murky narrative, lethargic pacing, amateurish performances and an overall inability to frame an interesting shot.

The film begins with a prologue showing the brutal murders of a couple at the hands of a half-dozen zealots operating under the tutelage of their loony patriarch. Fast forwarding 40 years, those same guys - along with a few hapless twenty-somethings - are being abducted, tortured and murdered by an unseen - but not unheard - man with revenge on his mind. On occasion, a dedicated detective pops in-and-out of the story to provide commentary at a murder scene, though we never actually see him doing anything resembling police work.

What Would Jason Do?

Speaking of characters, I don’t think any of them have more than 10 total minutes of screen time. One is introduced, then briefly engages with another peripheral character before disappearing altogether or getting strapped to a table and spiked to death. Then it’s on to the next victim. Case-in-point...horror icon Kane Hodder is prominently billed, but his entire role consists of being released from prison, drinking with an old buddy and picking a random fight with bikers. In the very next scene, with no foreshadowing or transition, he's murdered. As for the other horror hero in the cast, Michael Berryman is even more gratuitously inserted, showing up in intermittent flashbacks to spout gobbledegook about God and sin. At no point does he interact with any other characters.

But not-only is Room 9 criminally padded-out with meandering scenes and banal dialogue, its technical aspects are just a few steps removed from a home movie, like some of the no-budget garbage that used to take up video shelf space in the ‘80s, made by would-be auteurs armed with one camera, one mike and a handful of buddies willing to work for free beer. 

Viewers able to make it to the final act are rewarded with a climax that not-only reveals the ridiculous reason the first couple was murdered in the prologue, but a truly WTF confrontation between the red herring killer and an obligatory ‘final girl’ (who doesn’t even appear in the film until then). Even with seriously tempered expectations, Room 9 is a vapid excuse for a horror film, despite post-production efforts to jazz it up.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

BLEH! LIKE COUGHING UP A HAIRBALL.

MORTAL KOMBAT: Ultimate Fan Fiction

MORTAL KOMBAT (Blu-ray Review)

2021 / 110 min

FROM WARNER BROS

Review by Tiger the Terrible😼

#InPartnershipwithWB

If nothing else, the producers of the new Mortal Kombat movie know their intended audience: Hardcore MK gamers, some probably still butthurt over the 1995 family-friendly version (and its even-worse sequel). Let’s face it...the video game series’ unbridled gore has always been a major part of its appeal, which this reboot provides in abundance.

Of course, other purists will argue it’s the flamboyant characters which make the games unique. That box is checked-off, too. The movie throws-in about a dozen fan-favorites, played with various levels of effectiveness by a cast of physically adept actors who more-or-less resemble their video game counterparts. However, there isn’t much of an effort to expand its appeal beyond those who grew up with a game controller in their hand. In fact, numerous scenes and bits of dialogue are obviously intended to spark nods of approval from the faithful, but will be meaningless to everyone else. In a way, Mortal Kombat plays like the ultimate piece of fan fiction.

The plot is easy enough to follow and sporadically interesting, but there seems to be a presumption that the mere appearance of certain iconic characters is sufficient enough, since no real attempt is made to give them distinctive personalities. That may work for a game, but tends to make a film far less engaging, even one driven primarily by action. 

The one exception here is Kano, a foul-mouthed mercenary more motivated by his self-interests than saving the world. Played with gusto by Josh Lawson, he’s by-far the most interesting character in the entire film and provides a majority of the comic relief. Everyone else is about as dynamic as a vanilla cone, either because they're merely symbols of good or evil, or the individual playing them was hired more for their physical skills than their acting chops. The main protagonist, Cole Young, is especially dull, not helped by Lewis Tan’s low wattage performance. 

Goro...the undisputed Punch Buggy champion.

Still, if there was ever a film truly made “for the fans,” it’s this one. As such, Mortal Kombat is loaded with the kind of close quarters action the game is famous for. Fans of authentic fight choreography might be underwhelmed by an over-reliance on CGI for some scenes, but there’s enough genuine physical conflict to keep things interesting. And of course, these sequences are gleefully gory, with some amusingly memorable deaths. Our favorite features one combatant who gets split in half, head-to-groin, by a metal hat.

So while Mortal Kombat isn’t a particularly good film, it certainly delivers what its niche audience is expecting...lots of fighting, blood and shout-outs to a variety of tropes & characters. The door is left open for a sequel, of course, teasing MK gamers with a name they all know well, but those who’ve never played won’t have a clue about.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FROM GAME TO SCREEN: THE MAKING OF MORTAL KOMBAT - A pretty interesting making-of doc covering casting, costumes, production design and special effects. Features interviews with various cast & crew.

FAN FAVORITE CHARACTERS - 11 short promo pieces, running a few minutes each, about the character in the film, with stats and interviews.

ANATOMY OF A SCENE - 7 short pieces, running a few minutes each, about specific scenes.

FIGHT KOREOGRAPHY

INTO THE KRYPT: EASTER EGGS OF MORTAL KOMBAT 

DELETED SCENES

DIGITAL COPY

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD...THOUGH MORE FOR MK FANS THAN ANYONE ELSE.