THE MORTUARY COLLECTION: Creepy Clancy

THE MORTUARY COLLECTION (Blu-ray Review)

2020 / 111 min

FROM RLJE FILMS

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

In a perfect world, the great Clancy Brown would be the sinister host of a late-night show on some local independent TV station, glowering into the camera as he introduces yet-another B-movie relic from the vault, using that malevolent baritone voice we’ve all come to know and fear. To kids all over town, staying up way past their bedtime every Friday, he'd be a local hero.

And who knows...if he ever decides to retire from the Mr. Krabs business, maybe Clancy can set-up shop at some local channel in Urbana, Ohio and scare the shit out of a new generation of kids.

And in that same perfect world, there would be room on Shudder for another anthology series. Not only are the segments in The Mortuary Collection as creative and well-produced as any episode of Creepshow, it has a framework that would lend itself perfectly to a TV show...with Brown as your indelible host.

That framework features Montgomery Dark (Brown), a droll, sunken-eyed mortician in the small town of Raven’s End. Despite his advanced age and relatively mild demeanor, there’s something unsettling about him, almost as though he gets a little too into his work. When a freshly-hired young woman, Sam (Caitlyn Custer), becomes morbidly curious about some of the stories he has about his job, Montgomery - Monty, to her - is happy to oblige. 

Those stories make up the bulk of the film. The first is a quick-&-dirty tale of comeuppance in which a pick-pocketer gets what she deserves. In the second, a cocky college douchebag learns the hard way why he should’ve used protection when seducing a mysterious young girl, ending up as the one who’s pregnant. Arguably the funniest segment, it is also the sickest, featuring a hilariously grotesque labor scene. In the next story, a married man realizes the term, “‘till death do us part,” may not be when he thinks it is after killing his invalid wife. This one is also darkly humorous, especially as complications arise when he’s trying to dispose of the body. 

Clancy Brown...available for parties.

The final story, told by Sam this time, is the best one. An homage to both the original Halloween and a short writer-director Ryan Spindell once made called “The Babysitter Murders” (shown as a movie within the movie), this one turns the slasher genre on its ear with some unpredictably wild twists. That last segment sets-up the conclusion of the framing story, where neither Sam nor Monty are quite who they originally seemed. 

Funny, clever and often gruesomely violent, The Mortuary Collection is given additional boost by atmospheric direction, good performances and gorgeous production design, the last of which has sort-of a disorienting effect; there’s a lot of attention to period detail, but exactly what period remains an intriguing mystery. And at the film's center is Brown, who’s clearly enjoying himself and a hell of a lot of fun to watch.

In fact, I wouldn’t mind seeing a lot more of Montgomery Brown, if not as the host of a regular anthology series, then at-least a sequel or two. Maybe in a perfect world.

EXTRA KIBBLES

14 FEATURETTES - More than just short promo clips, most of these feature extensive interviews and behind-the-scenes footage from all aspects of the production. They run from 1 to 22 minutes each, our favorite being the production design feature, mainly because that’s where we learned the movie was practically shot right in our backyard (Astoria, Oregon).

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By writer-director Ryan Spindell. 

DELETED SCENES

PHOTO GALLERY

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...

Experiencing NOMADLAND

NOMADLAND (Blu-ray Review)

2020 / 108 min

FROM 20TH CENTURY STUDIOS

Review by Fluffy the Fearless😺

Two questions and one takeaway came to mind after finally experiencing Nomadland (and I think ‘experiencing’ is the right word).

First question:  Does it deserve the six Academy Award nominations it’s up for this year? Certainly. Nomadland is a low-key, slice-of-life character study which, on the surface, doesn’t seem to have any direction or destination in-mind...much like the main character. But it’s also the kind of film that sneaks up on you. By the time it’s over, you realize there’s a lot to unpack because quite a bit has actually transpired. I was near tears as the end credits rolled, though I couldn’t have told you why at the time.

Second question: Would Nomadland have gotten all those nominations if COVID hadn’t cleaned the slate of most of its competition? Hmmm...that’s difficult to say since you could arguably ask the same question about all of this year’s Best Picture nominees (except maybe for Mank because the Academy loves movies about movies). 

One thing is certain: Frances McDormand not-only deserves her Best Actress nomination, she probably would have gotten it regardless of the competition, and if I were a betting man, I’d wager she’s probably going to win (which would be her third Oscar). Disappearing into her role as recently widowed transient Fern, this is McDormand’s best performance since Fargo.

The “story,” so to speak, is a year in the life of Fern, more-or-less the last person to leave Empire, the company town where she and husband Bo lived and worked. She takes to the road in a ramshackle van, working various seasonal jobs and meeting a variety of similarly displaced folks. A few of them drift in and out of her daily life, such as Swankie (Charlene Swankie), who has terminal cancer and is reflective of her life, and Dave (David Strathairn), who is somewhat smitten with Fern and eventually offers a lifeline out of her nomadic existence. 

"That last golfer was a bumpy one, wasn't he?"

However, Fern seems unable or unwilling to form any long-lasting friendships, despite caring deeply for the people she meets. Maybe she’s still mourning, maybe she hasn’t found what she’s looking for or maybe she’s simply seeking a clean break from her previous life. We never know for sure...at least until the final shot. What makes Fern such a compelling character is a combination of director Chloe Zhao’s deceptively complex screenplay and McDormand’s affecting performance. Relatively quiet and reserved, we learn more about her through actions and expressions than words or exposition. And it’s only when she’s alone that Fern ever seems to let her emotional guard down.

My one (superficial) takeaway: Nomadland could be seen as the first horror film for the 60+ set. Most of its characters appear to be seniors, either left behind by the system, losing everything they’ve achieved or - most distressingly - rendered rudderless following the death of someone close. Vicariously experiencing what these people have been forced to leave behind, I can safely say that, at my age, the prospect of outliving my wife is more terrifying than a dozen chainsaw massacres.

Extraordinarily poignant without ever lapsing into heavy-handed sentimentality (though the temptation had to be strong), Nomadland has the viewer poised for an emotional crescendo that never actually comes. Instead, the story defies expectations by coming full circle without any kind of obvious resolution. But that’s only on the surface. Upon reflection, we realize we have been experiencing Fern’s character transformation and life-changing epiphanies the entire time.

EXTRA KIBBLES

“THE FORGOTTEN AMERICA” - Making-of featurette with numerous interviews.

TELLURIDE PREMIERE Q&A - Held at a drive-in (sign of the times) with Frances McDormand, writer-director Chloe Zhao and a few other members of the cast.

DELETED SCENES

DIGITAL COPY

KITTY CONSENSUS:

MEE-OW!

CONCRETE PLANS: Grim But Gratifying

CONCRETE PLANS (DVD Review)

2020 / 92 min

FROM DARK SKY FILMS

Review by Fluffy the Fearless😽

In Concrete Plans, an already bad situation spins wildly - and violently - out of control, mostly through the actions and poor decisions of its characters. We’ve seen similar scenarios in such classic black comedies as Fargo. However, if there is any humor to be mined from this grim, downbeat film, it's buried pretty damn deep.

That's not to say it isn’t interesting. Cocky young heir Simon (Kevin Guthrie) hires five guys to renovate the country house he inherited, a job that will take a few months, with the crew living on the premises. However, he treats them like shit, being verbally abusive and refusing to provide livable conditions. Simon also puts off paying them, which doesn’t sit well after a while.

It turns out that not-only is Simon a shady investor, but he’s heavily in debt and can’t pay them. When the crew finds out, things get ugly, especially when short-fused Jim (Chris Reilly) takes charge. Jim’s also a fugitive after killing a man during a botched robbery, so he has no qualms about torturing Simon for what they’re owed. 

"That jar o' pennies is here somewhere."

Not everyone is on-board, however. Viktor (Goran Bogdan), who sends his wages home to his daughter, is sort-of the de-facto protagonist, while kindly but weak-willed supervisor Bob (Steve Speirs) is increasing horrified over the measures they’re taking to get paid (though he does go along with it). Things get out of hand as conflicts escalate, of course, especially once Simon’s fiancee (Amber Rose Revah) returns home.

Though the chance to turn the scenario into a wicked black comedy is definitely a missed opportunity, Concrete Plans is well-paced and features solid characters. Viktor and Bob serve as moral compasses, while Jim and Bob’s nephew, Steve (Charlie Palmer Rothwell), evolve into hateful sons-of-bitches. There’s also a lot of perverse gratification in watching Simon get what’s coming to him, mainly because we’ve all encountered assholes with a similarly-misguided sense of superiority.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD.

THE POOP SCOOP: Cats & Killers Edition

TOM & JERRY on PVOD 4/16, Digital, Blu-ray & DVD 5/18 

One of the most beloved rivalries in history is reignited when Jerry moves into New York City’s finest hotel on the eve of “the wedding of the century,” forcing the event’s desperate planner to hire Tom to get rid of him in “Tom and Jerry.” The ensuing cat and mouse battle threatens to destroy her career, the wedding and possibly the hotel itself. But soon, an even bigger problem arises: a diabolically ambitious staffer conspiring against all three of them. The film is directed by Tim Story (“Fantastic Four,” “Think Like a Man,” “Barbershop”) and stars Chloë Grace Moretz (“Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising,” “The Addams Family”), Michael Peña (“Cesar Chavez,” “American Hustle,” “Ant-Man”), and Colin Jost (“How to be Single,” TV’s “Saturday Night Live”). 

SON on DVD and Blu-ray 5/18

In SON, after a mysterious group of individuals breaks into Laura’s home and attempts to abduct her eight-year-old son, David, the two of them flee town in search of safety. But soon after the failed kidnapping, David becomes extremely ill, suffering from increasingly sporadic psychosis and convulsions. Following her maternal instincts to save him, Laura commits unspeakable acts to keep him alive, but soon she must decide how far she is willing to go to save her son. Written and directed by Ivan Kavanagh (Never Grow Old, The Canal), SON stars Andi Matichak (Halloween franchise, Assimilate), Emile Hirsch (Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood, Into the Wild, Milk), and Luke David Blumm (The King of Staten Island).

The Original DJANGO on 4K UHD Blu-ray 5/18

In this definitive spaghetti western, Franco Nero (Keoma, The Fifth Cord) gives a career-defining performance as Django, a mysterious loner who arrives at a mud-drenched ghost town on the Mexico-US border, ominously dragging a coffin behind him. After saving imperilled prostitute Maria (Loredana Nusciak), Django becomes embroiled in a brutal feud between a racist gang and a band of Mexican revolutionaries... With Django, director Sergio Corbucci (The Great Silence) upped the ante for sadism and sensationalism in westerns, depicting machine-gun massacres, mud-fighting prostitutes and savage mutilations. A huge hit with international audiences, Django's brand of bleak nihilism would be repeatedly emulated in a raft of unofficial sequels. The film is presented here in its 4K UHD Blu-ray debut, with a wealth of extras. Also included is the bonus feature Texas, Adios on Blu-ray, which also stars Franco Nero, and was released as a sequel to Django in some countries.

 

12 MONKEYS Blu-ray Steelbook Coming 5/25

THE FUTURE IS HISTORY Following the commercial and critical success of The Fisher King, Terry Gilliam's next feature would turn to science fiction and a screenplay by Janet and David Peoples (Blade Runner, Unforgiven) inspired by Chris Marker's classic short film La Jetée. In 1996, a deadly virus is unleashed by a group calling themselves the Army of the Twelve Monkeys, destroying much of the world's population and forcing survivors underground. In 2035, prisoner James Cole (Bruce Willis, Die Hard) is chosen to go back in time and help scientists in their search for a cure. Featuring an Oscar-nominated turn by Brad Pitt (Fight Club) as mental patient Jeffrey Goines, Twelve Monkeys would become Gilliam's most successful film and is now widely regarded as a sci-fi classic.

HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN: Sword & Sandals Silliness

HERCULES AND THE CAPTIVE WOMEN (Blu-ray Review)

1963 / 95 min

FROM THE FILM DETECTIVE

Review by Mr. Paws😼

A little clarity is in order. This Italian relic was first released in 1961 under the title, Ercole alla conquista di Atlantide (Hercules and the Conquest of Atlantis). It was edited, rescored and more luridly retitled Hercules and the Captive Women for its U.S. release in 1963 (atrociously dubbed, of course). But as far as one certain group of fans is concerned, this particular sword & sandals epic hails from 1992.

That’s when the film found its way to the Satellite of Love for some good-natured ridicule on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Like The Film Detective did with their 2019 release of Eegah!, this Blu-ray includes that episode as a bonus feature. While it’s always enjoyable to watch Joel and the boys, this one doesn’t rank among their classics. Perhaps part of it is due to the fact that - unlike much of the low budget dreck Dr. Forrester throws their way - Hercules and the Captive Women is actually pretty well produced and originally filmed in 70mm. There are still laugh-out-loud comments, but they don’t come as frequently.

"Bad Dog! BAD DOG!"

The film itself ain’t half bad for what it is...a prime example of imitative epic storytelling Italy was prolifically cranking out at the time. Though certainly a silly product of its era and country of origin, the film boasts pretty decent production values. English bodybuilder Reg Park - who would do four more Italian Hercules movies - is similarly impressive to look at, though his thespian skills tend to make Arnold Schwarzeneggar look like Daniel Day Lewis. 

And be aware that this disc features the American version, meaning the daffy dubbing remains part of the fun, even without additional robot commentary. The film has also been given a really nice 4K restoration. Just check-out the stark difference in picture quality from the unrestored MST3K version! 

EXTRA KIBBLES

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 VERSION - From the Joel era in 1992.

INTRO TO MST3K VERSION - By Frank Coniff (“TV’s Frank”)

“HERCULES AND THE CONQUEST OF CINEMA” - Pretty interesting 20 minute documentary about the character’s impact in movies, particularly in Italy.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By Tim Lucas

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD.

Rest in Peace, Richard Rush

Richard Rush (1929-2021)

Bonkers Time at WILLY'S WONDERLAND

WILLY’S WONDERLAND (Blu-ray Review)

2020 / 89 min

FROM SCREEN MEDIA

Review by Fluffy the Fearless😼

Willy’s Wonderland could be seen as the final chapter in what I’ll affectionately refer to as Nic Cage’s “Bonkers Trilogy,” the other two films being Mandy and Color Out of Space. Of course, a lot of movies he’s done over the past 10 years could be considered bonkers, if only because Mr. Cage appears unable to say no anymore (surely he’s paid off all those back-taxes by now).

But the premise is not what puts Willy’s Wonderland in the upper echelon of batshit b-movies. It’s Cage himself. Like a selfless soldier diving on a live grenade, it’s his gonzo performance that ultimately saves the film from mediocrity. Unlike, say, Bruce Willis, we’re never under the impression Cage is giving less than his all.

Blatantly capitalizing on the popularity of the Five Nights at Freddy's video game - itself a thinly-disguised riff on Chuck E. Cheese - the film features Cage as an unnamed motorist who’s stranded in a small town because he can’t afford to repair his car. However, the owner of Willy’s Wonderland, a family party place that’s been closed down for a few years, offers to pay for repairs if the man agrees to spend the night cleaning the place up so it can re-open. Meanwhile, angry teenager Liv Hawthorne (Emily Tosta) is hell-bent on burning the place down with the help of some friends.

Willy’s Wonderland has a dark past, of course, which is explained in (too much?) detail by various secondary characters. But the driver learns almost immediately that the place is evil when the animatronics come to life and start attacking him. Fueled by caffeine and badass fighting skills, he’s more than ready to take them on. In fact, part of what I find pretty damn funny is that he never appears even remotely shocked over his situation, as if machines turn homicidal every day of the week. 

Nicolas Cage takes the plunge.

When Cage is on-screen committing mechanical mayhem, the movie’s a real hoot. He remains silent throughout the whole film, chugs sodas on the hour, repeatedly turns his head to glare (in slow motion) and does the wildest pinball dance you'll ever see. He also appears unconcerned with these teenagers' safety when they start getting picked-off one by one. Neither will you, actually. It’s the usual batch: the stoner, the dork, the sexpot, the horndog and, of course, the final girl. They’re so generic that our interest level drops to near-zero whenever the narrative focuses only on them.

Some of the restaurant’s backstory is kind of interesting, though not entirely necessary. There are moments that tend to over-explain things, throwing-in serial killers, satanic pacts and the town’s dark past. It might have been more effective - and a little creepier -  if no reason was given. Still, Willy’s Wonderland is worth checking-out for another bout of Nicolas Cage craziness, owning the entire movie without uttering a single word. It makes a fitting conclusion to his “Bonkers Trilogy,” though none of us really think it’s gonna end here, do we?

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - “Inside the Fun: The Making of Willy’s Wonderland”; “”Set Tour with Christian Del Grasso”; “Colorful Darkness and Demon-Atrons: The Production Design of Willy’s Wonderland”; “Fresh Meat (The Cast).

PRODUCTION DESIGN & POSTER GALLERIES

TRAILER

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD.

The JOHN WICK Doll: You Know...for Kids!

A CONSUMER REPORT BY D.M. ANDERSON💀

My wife knows how to get me out of the house on weekends. All she has to do is mention Starbucks and I’m pretty much out the door before realizing I forgot to throw on pants. But she’s a shifty one, that Francie. The prospect of a Grande Dark Roast is merely a carrot to distract me from her real agenda.

It usually isn’t until we’re in the car and past the point of no return when she ‘casually’ informs me that since we’re already out, she’d like to make a quick stop at Walgreens...and Craft Warehouse...and Maurices...and…

You get the idea. While it’s nice Francie still enjoys my company after all these years, she knows damn well I’d have stayed on the sofa in my pajamas had she revealed her true intentions. Such a bait & switch wouldn’t be necessary if she suggested hitting the record store and taking-in a movie.

So there we were at Walgreens last Saturday, Francie shopping for face soap, me passing the time by roaming the isles. I’m still not sure why she always feels the need to shop for face soap...it ain’t like picking out the right greeting card. Why the hell doesn’t she just grab the same soap she always does? I don’t necessarily have anything against Walgreens, but it was never the most intriguing store on Earth.

Until now…

My local Walgreens has a small selection of toys in one isle, mostly trinkets you’d put in Christmas stockings or that last-minute birthday gift for the nephew you don’t give a shit about. But on this particular day, sharing shelf space with Rubik's Cubes and monster trucks was a John Wick doll. 

Correction: John Wick action figure. Girls play with dolls. Boys play with action figures. So do some men.

More specifically, this doll action figure was a tie-in to John Wick Chapter 2, complete with two 9mm handguns and magazine clips. It even superficially resembled Keanu Reeves. 

Since I collect movie-related knick-knacks and do-dads, the decision to buy it was a no-brainer. Ol’ Baba Yaga sort-of looked like he was suffocating behind that protective plastic, but no way was I gonna take him out of his package, especially after noticing he was recommended for Ages 8+. It was printed at the top of the box, right next to a choking hazard warning that added, Not for children under 3 years. I found that funny as hell, picturing a hyperactive little hellion pretending to gun-down sis's Barbie with his new John Wick doll.

I’m old enough to remember the controversy surrounding Rambo toys back in the 80s. Watchdog groups were up-in-arms over a violent R-rated movie inspiring a line of action figures & vehicles aimed at children. Similarly, Kenner toys unleashed an Alien action figure to tie-in with the classic 1979 film. Parents with no sense of humor were pissed about that, too.

But if you’ve ever seen John Wick, you’d know the copious amounts of bloody violence in those films make Alien and Rambo look like Tom & Jerry cartoons. Not only are there more gunshots to the head than an Italian zombie film, Wick himself is a criminal, a former assassin for the mob. Sure, he’s trying like hell to put the old life behind him, but the fact remains that, over the course of three movies, he kills more people than the Black Plague. In other words, hours of fun for the little ones.

"I can't breathe!"

But I haven’t heard any parental histrionics over the John Wick action figure. Of course, that’s more-than-likely because it isn’t actually intended as a gift for that nephew you don’t give a shit about. These days, a quick tour of Amazon will yield a variety of terrifying toys, from Hannibal Lecter to The Terminator and every sociopathic antihero in-between. I doubt many of them are ever removed from their packages, either. Even my local Target occasionally carries Jason Voorhees action figures (machete included!). However, the big difference is they don’t share shelf space with Captain America in the toy section. Whoever was in charge of stocking toys at Walgreens was either clueless or simply didn’t give a shit. 

Whatever the case, finding the John Wick doll action figure made it worth enduring Francie’s quest for the perfect bar of face soap. He also ended up being the most expensive thing we left the store with, making this quick stop at Walgreens a costly one (and we hadn’t even gotten our coffee yet). Judging from Francie’s expression as our purchases were rung-up, she was probably considering flying solo next time.