ROCK THE KASBAH Starring Bill Murray – Official Trailer Has Arrived

The OFFICIAL TRAILER for Bill Murray’s upcoming film, ROCK THE KASBAH, has been released!

A has-been rock manager from Van Nuys, California stumbles upon a once-in-a-lifetime voice in a remote Afghan cave in Rock the Kasbah, a dramatic comedy inspired by stranger-than-fiction, real-life events and directed by Oscar winner Barry Levinson. Richie Lanz (Bill Murray), dumped and stranded in war-torn Kabul by his last remaining client (Zooey Deschanel), discovers Salima Khan (Leem Lubany), a Pashtun teenager with a beautiful voice and the courageous dream of becoming the first woman to compete on national television in Afghanistan’s  version of “American Idol.”  Richie partners with a savvy hooker (Kate Hudson), a pair of hard-partying war profiteers (Danny McBride and Scott Caan) and a hair-trigger mercenary (Bruce Willis) and, braving dangerous cultural prejudices, manages his new protégée into becoming the “Afghan Star.” ROCK THE KASBAH hits theaters everywhere October 23rd. 

Check out the BRAND NEW Trailer HERE

Rest in Peace, Wes Craven

Wes Craven (1939-2015)

Blu-Ray Review: FURIOUS 7

Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker (RIP), Dwayne Johnson, Jason Statham, Djimon Hounsou, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Kurt Russell, Jordana Brewster, Nathalie Emmanuel. Directed by James Wan. (2015, 138 min/140 min [Extended Cut]).
UNIVERSAL

Early in Furious 7, Brian (Paul Walker) makes a fleeting comment to his toy-tossing young son that cars don't fly, which may be the most obvious piece of foreshadowing in movie history. Anyone even remotely familiar with this franchise knows such a statement will indeed be put to the test - probably multiple times. In that respect, Furious 7 does not disappoint. More, more, more is the mission statement here...more cars, more stars, more action, more destruction, more gravity-defying motorporn. I'm convinced The Fast and the Furious franchise will only end once we've seen Vin Diesel hit the nitrous and launch his beloved Challenger into a low-Earth orbit.

If you aren't already along for the ride, Furious 7 is probably bad place to jump in. First of all, even though the series was never strongly rooted in reality, it took several installments to reach the deliriously over-the-top heights its core audience (and critics) have grown to love. To join the club now would likely have newcomers lamenting the sad state of modern blockbusters, never realizing the series earned its right to be ridiculous. Second, Furious 7 is arguably the first direct sequel in the franchise and presumes its audience has seen Fast and Furious 6. This time, super-assassin Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham) is seeking revenge on the team who injured his brother in Part 6. After Deckard kills Han, sends Agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) to the hospital and blows up Dom’s house, the team is coerced out of ‘retirement’ by the government, led by “Mr. Nobody” (Kurt Russell). They want the team to rescue a computer hacker (who created a surveillance program called “God’s Eye,” which can instantly locate anyone in the world) from a band of mercenaries led by Jakande (Djimon Hounsou). In return, the team can use God’s Eye to find Deckard. I’m not sure why the team would even need God’s Eye, since Deckard is chasing them all over the world anyway.

This fight for the last parking space is officially a draw.

But we aren’t supposed to ask such questions. Nor should we question the need to airdrop various hotrods from a cargo plane so Brian, Dom and company can chase Jakande’s convoy when simply following them on the same road would have been easier. It also goes without saying we shouldn’t scrutinize the logistics of a sports car leaping from one skyscraper to another...then another. That would suck the fun from some of the film’s biggest action set-pieces. Fans of the series would never do that; they’ve been conditioned to expect - and appreciate - each film’s effort to top the previous one and simply enjoy the spectacle, logic be damned.

As such, the more ludicrous aspects of Furious 7 are also what makes it a hell of a lot of fun. Trust me, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Johnson - bedridden throughout most of the film - leap back into action just days after breaking several bones. With the flex of a bicep, the cast on his arm crumbles away, and his armor & gear are at-the-ready in his hospital room. Since the scene is so knowingly over-the-top, you gotta admire this movie’s single minded drive to entertain at all costs.

It also helps that we generally like this ever-growing cast of characters. They may not be too complex, but at this point, seeing them again is like a visit from old friends (probably the ones we partied with in college). This adds additional emotional impact to the resolution, which provides a surprisingly poignant and poetic farewell to the late Paul Walker and his character. Without revealing anything specific, if you’re a longtime fan of the franchise, have a box of tissues handy.

Though an eighth film has already been announced, I have to believe even some die-hard fans might agree Furious 7 is the perfect conclusion to a hugely successful series of movies. Short of launching the cast and their cars into space, it’s hard to imagine topping this one’s massive action and destruction. That argument set aside, Furious 7 is yet-another consistently fun entry in a franchise most of us assumed would have petered out four films ago.

EXTRAS:

• Numerous Featurettes: ""The Cars of Furious"; "Flying Cars"; "Tower Jumps"; "Inside the Fight"; "Talking Fast"; "Back to the Starting Line"; "Race Wars"; "Snatch and Grab" (many of these features include extensive behind-the-scenes footage of some of the more spectacular set-pieces)
• Deleted Scenes
• Extended Cut of the Film
• Music Video
• DVD & Digital copies

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR...WHO DOESN'T LOVE FLYING CARS?

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST and the Nasty Monkey Business

Starring Claudia Cardinale, Henry Fonda, Charles Bronson, Jason Robards, Gabrielle Ferzetti, Woody Strode, Jack Elam. Directed by Sergio Leone. (1968, 165 min).

Essay by D.M. ANDERSON
 
As beloved animals go, I'm not a big fan of monkeys. In fact, they kind of creep me out.

I know a lot of folks think they're endearing because they resemble hairy little people when trained to ride a tricycle or water-ski. Maybe we're charmed by these critters because of an overall sense of evolutionary superiority and watching these primate cousins imitate our behavior is inherently cute or, in the case of most movies featuring monkeys (with the possible exception of Outbreak), a comedic trope as tired as fart jokes in an Adam Sandler film.

I never thought there was anything cute or funny about monkeys just because they superficially resemble us. After all, one of my late uncles looked and walked like a monkey with slightly less body hair, but no one ever thought he was adorable when attempting to water-ski (it was actually kind of sad). Furthermore, my aversion to primate charm probably goes a bit deeper than some monkey fans because I've personally witnessed another grotesque similarity we share with our biological brethren.

Several years ago, I went to the Oregon Zoo with my wife, parents and sister, the latter being 25 at the time. I'd visited the zoo many times before, and my least favorite exhibit was always the primate house because these critters were too much like us to be truly interesting. Personally, I always preferred the penguin house because, even though the stench of bird shit and dead fish was gag-inducing, these little beasties were adorably alien to anything resembling bird or man.

Anyway, in the primate house, as everyone watched in relative amusement from behind the glass at a rather large monkey perched upon a fake tree branch, this animal suddenly fixated on my sister, unblinking and motionless, apparently in awe of her. Then, never breaking eye contact, he reached between his legs, grabbed his monkey junk and commenced furiously masturbating.

Everyone laughed and my sister was suitably embarrassed, but my eyes burned with the knowledge that I'd never be able to unsee this horrific act of interspecies lust. The little beast was jerking off in plain view of children and families, something I hadn't seen since the last college party I attended, and at least that guy had the excuse of previously slamming back an entire bottle of Peach Schnapps.

The discovery that monkeys enjoyed bopping-the-baloney shed a dark light upon their species from my perspective. They were hairy little perverts and I'd never be able to look at them the same way again. Think about that if you ever happen to be in the jungle. The trees above could be teaming with masturbating monkeys and those sticky droplets landing on your face and arms may not necessarily be morning dew.

Tom Joad gone bad.

I felt the same way after seeing Henry Fonda's performance as Frank, the cold-blooded villain in Once Upon a Time in the West, one of director Sergio Leone's greatest westerns. Though he doesn't pull out Henry Jr. to yank-away in the presence of Claudia Cardinale (though I might have), he still participates in a fairly disturbing sex scene with her. In fact, everything Frank does is disturbing.

As a gunfighter hired by a ruthless railroad magnate to clear the land of those standing in the way of progress, Frank not only kills entire families, he appears to really enjoy his job. His steely blue eyes and bemused expression just before unceremoniously shooting a young boy is tough to endure, as is a flashback scene in which we finally learn why our hero, Harmonica (Charles Bronson), has such a vendetta against Frank. In this scene, Frank forces Harmonica to physically support his noose-bound brother on his shoulders until his strength gives out. The entire time, Frank looks like he's actually getting-off on their agony.

But most disturbing is the fact this was Henry-fucking-Fonda blazing this brutal, barbaric, bloody trail. Fonda was always an iconic symbol of undisputed righteousness in such classics as The Grapes of Wrath, Mister Roberts and 12 Angry Men. In terms of good guys, Henry Fonda was Hollywood's poster boy. To suddenly see him not only play a villain, but totally disappear into the role with such perverse intensity, was truly unnerving. Like witnessing that Oregon zoo monkey spank his own monkey, it forever changed how I viewed Fonda. On one hand, it's an extraordinary performance and pretty fucking brave at the time. On the other hand, to witness a beloved American icon so convincingly wallow in depravity would be similar to seeing Debbie Reynolds dominate a lesbian sex scene in a porn film. Our collective jaws drop and we aren't quite sure whether or not we like what we're seeing.

Yeah...I'd have gone the monkey route, too.

The fact that Henry Fonda was perfectly capable of dwelling in darkness for a role was a revelation, ultimately a tribute to his inherent talent. Yet at the same time, I was shocked that this congenial American everyman was able to find something within himself which rendered Frank such an awful, despicable and perverse human being. Put in modern terms, imagine Tom Hanks being cast as a serial rapist and totally nailing the part.

Despite ending his career with a slew of bad disaster movies and roles as cranky old curmudgeons, in Once Upon a Time in the West, Henry Fonda revealed a willingness to explore a dark side we never knew existed, much like that supposedly amusing monkey at the zoo who decided my sister was prime masturbation material. Fonda revealed what he was capable of, something I was never able to completely overcome when watching his later films or revisiting older ones.

DVD Review: EXTINCTION

Starring Matthew Fox, Jeffrey Donovan, Quinn McColgan, Valeria Vereau. Directed by Miguel Angel Vivas. (2015, 113 min).
SONY

Nine years after a zombie apocalypse and new ice age have wiped-out most of the human race, two men and a child are doing their best to survive in the small town of Harmony. Patrick (Matthew Fox) and Jack (Jeffrey Donovan) have-since become bitterly estranged, while Jack also struggles with fiercely protecting his daughter, Lu (Quinn McColgan), who begins to resent never being allowed to leave the house. Meanwhile, it turns out the zombie hordes did not die off over the years as once assumed. They've evolved to adapt to their frozen environment. Patrick and Jack are then forced to set-aside their animosity in order to defend themselves, and Lu, against this new wave of attacks.

Extinction is one of the more creatively ambitious entries in the continuing onslaught of low budget zombie epics. While no classic, the film is intelligently written, well acted and deliberately paced, with more emphasis on its trio of main characters than artery-spewing mayhem. Of course, that'll turn some genre fans off, and you should look elsewhere if all you want is a gory good time. In fact, there really isn't much action at all during the first half, which mostly focuses on the day-to-day monotony and personal conflicts of these characters in this post-apocalyptic world. Not only that, the film never bothers to explain the origins of the outbreak or subsequent arctic deluge, and only drops a few hints at what caused Patrick & Jack to hate each other in the first place.

The Dude does NOT abide!

But ultimately, such exposition isn't really central to the story. We learn just enough about these characters to accept them as they are, though there is a fairly heart-wrenching plot revelation late in the film which adds some emotional kick to the climax. From a technical standpoint, Extinction benefits from terrific production design and an overall look that borders on surreal. Sure, some of the creature attacks reek of low-rent CGI, but the scenes depicting the snowy landscape are suitably epic and bleak.

Its morose, dead-serious tone and emphasis on characters might initially remind some viewers of AMC's The Walking Dead. Extinction isn't as well-made or compulsively watchable, but still a cut above the usual low-rent gut-munchers that typically pop-up these days. For those who want their brains served-up with some brains, Extinction is worth checking out.

EXTRAS:
8 Making-of Featurettes (including behind-the-scenes footage, interviews, segments on the production design, special effects and creature make-up)

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS

Book Review: GRAPHIC HORROR: MOVIE MONSTER MEMORIES

Edited by John Edgar Browning (2012, 192 pp).
SCHIFFER PUBLISHING

This coffee table book is a decade-by-decade collection of various movie posters from around the world, along with occasional promotional stills. From undisputed classics to schlocky cinema to cult treasures and everything in between, there's a lot to admire from a pictorial standpoint.

The text leaves a lot to be desired, however, consisting of numerous personal comments and anecdotes from a variety of writers, most which are more about the movies themselves than the actual artwork (and nothing you haven‘t heard before). Considering it’s an art-based book and some of these posters have become iconic, it would have been more interesting to learn more about those responsible for their creation. Some of the editing is also occasionally boneheaded, such as the entry for Exorcist II: The Heretic, where it appears the author is claiming this putrid sequel “routinely makes people’s scariest-of-all-time lists,” but the write-up itself is obviously intended to accompany the poster for Suspiria on the bottom half of the same page.

Still, this is a colorful, attractive volume with hundreds of pieces of legendary movie-related artwork right up through 2010. It’ll have a lot of nostalgic value for cinephiles who grew up during one of these eras, and serve as a nifty visual history lesson for younger fans. Just ignore the text, since most of it is obviously subjective and serves no real contextual insight.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD...LIKE CAT CHOW

Blu-Ray Review: THE WALKING DEAD: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON

Starring Andrew Lincoln, Norman Reedus, Melissa McBride, Steven Yeun, Danai Gurira, Chandler Riggs, Lauren Cohen, Chad L. Coleman, Emily Kinney, Sonequa Martin-Green, Lawrence Gilliard Jr, Michael Cudlitz, Josh McDermitt; Seth Gilliam. Various Directors. (2014-15, 710 min).
ANCHOR BAY

Even after five seasons, The Walking Dead remains the best series on television. It still manages to find new and imaginative ways to shock, surprise, disturb and sadden viewers throughout its 16 episodes. And binge-watching on Blu-Ray is the best way to take it all in, even if it means forcing yourself to wait an entire year to do it.

This season hits the ground running, picking up right where the last one left off, with most of the cast lured into Terminus, supposedly an idyllic community, but controlled by people who've resorted to cannibalism to survive. While that particular plot thread is wrapped up in the first few (horrific) episodes, Rick Grimes and his group soon deal with other dilemmas, such as a church pastor barely clinging to his sanity, the debated decision to head to Washington D.C. (Eugene claims to be a bio-engineer who can destroy the walkers if they can get there), a hospital holding Beth captive and run by a cop-turned-dictator, and an invite to live in Alexandria, a fortified suburb holding the promise of a new life, free of the daily struggle to stay alive.

Upon hearing one of his captors say, "Bring out the Gimp," Daryl craps himself.

Storywise, Season 5 is big improvement over Season 4, arguably the slowest and most meandering of the entire series. Whereas Season 4 seemed content to let its characters separate, wander and do a ton of soul-searching during the final half-dozen episodes, this year is loaded with more action and more intriguing conflicts, both internal and external. There's no villain as gloriously hateful as The Governor, but Season 5 gives us a few who are pretty despicable in their own right, and one we may actually empathize with on occasion.

As usual, the writing is superlative, especially regarding the characters and how years of fighting for survival has affected them, both positively and negatively. For example, by the time everyone gets the opportunity to take a collective breather in Alexandria, several major characters are simply unable to switch-off the survival mode that’s kept them alive for so long, leading us to wonder if someone like Rick, seemingly the only one who knows the undead aren’t the real monsters, can ever fit-in there.

"I'm just gonna take a little off the top."

As with every other season, compelling new characters are introduced. At the same time, in true Walking Dead tradition, other longtime friends end up dying. As usual, those deaths are always shocking (we almost never see them coming) and occasionally heartbreaking. But the willingness to kill-off major characters has always been one of the more intriguing aspects of the show. Other than Rick Grimes and (maybe) Darryl Dixon, we're never 100% confident of anyone surviving the next episode (not even little Judith).

Most importantly, The Walking Dead continues to be the most compulsively watchable show on TV, an undead soap-opera which allows core characters to continually evolve. Its cinematic production, psychological tension and relentless bleakness put it in a class all by itself, not-to-mention the increasingly creative barrage of unflinching violence (the gag where Daryl uses a rotted walker’s skull as a weapon, its eyes serving as finger-holes, is easily this season’s biggest OMG moment).

EXTRAS:

• "Inside the Walking Dead" & "The Making of the Walking Dead" (both consist of individual featurettes for every single episode)
• Featurettes: "Beth's Journey"; "Noah's Journey"; "Bob's Journey"; "Tyreese's Journey" (you are advised not to watch these until after seeing every episode)
• Featurettes: "A Day in the Life of Michael Cudlitz" (Abraham); "A Day in the Life of Josh McDermitt" (Eugene); "Rotters in the Flesh"; "The Making of Alexandria"
• Numerous Audio Commentaries
• Deleted Scenes
• Digital HD Copy

KITTY CONSENSUS:

MEE-OW! BETTER THAN AN OPEN CAN OF TUNA.

(or an open skull of brains)

PSYCHO (1960) and the Cold Hard Facts

Starring Anthony Perkins, Vera Miles, John Gavin, Martin Balsam, Janet Leigh. Directed by Alfred Hitchcock. (1960, 109 min).

Essay by D.M. ANDERSON
 
Why, yes, this is yet-another essay about Psycho.

And yes, I’m well aware that any serious cinephile has undoubtedly read countless other essays, analyses, lists and reviews (by more renowned writers than myself) extolling its virtues as Alfred Hitchcock’s crowning achievement, a perfect masterpiece of suspense and technical skill. If not one of the greatest films of all time, Psycho is certainly one of the greatest horror movies, perhaps only rivaled by The Exorcist in terms of influence on the genre.

So I won’t bore you with more heaps of praise you've heard before. Hell, even those who never actually sat down and watched Psycho are at-least familiar with the infamous shower scene. It’s arguably the most imitated and parodied death in movie history.

While it may be considered somewhat blasphemous, I still feel the need to call a wee bit of bullshit on this classic movie, the shower scene in particular. Far be it from me to criticize the master, since I’ll always hold Hitchcock in the highest respect as one of the greatest directors of all time. But after seeing this movie over a dozen times over the years, I find myself wondering if Hitch himself ever actually took a shower.

At this point, it might help to understand my eccentricities. I’ve been a film fanatic as far back as I can remember, an interest which I suppose borders on obsessive. I’ve watched countless movies multiple times (in the case of Jaws, probably over a hundred, since it’s the greatest movie ever made). That being said, sometimes I become a bit too analytical for my own good, obsessing over details the average filmgoer would never think about. No, I don’t sit down to look for mistakes or inconsistencies, nor do I set-out to debunk a movie’s logic or plausibility. If that were the case, Star Wars would be the worst offender of all time. But the more I watch a particular film, the harder it sometimes gets to overlook tiny details.

For example, I love 1973’s sci-fi classic, Westworld, which depicts an adult amusement park where lifelike androids cater to guests’ every whim, until a computer virus turns them homicidal. But the more I watched it, rather than question why these machines would be lethally armed to begin with, I began to wonder whose job it was to actually wipe all the spooge out of the female robots that male tourists are constantly fucking all day. Yeah, I know it’s a minor detail having nothing to do with the story, but it’s become a nagging question which torments me.

Similarly, the shower scene in Psycho leaves me with yet-another vexing problem...

I would never presume to critique the death scene itself. Even today, it’s still scary and you’d be hard-pressed to recall an onscreen murder so equally artistic and unnerving. However, the shower sequence is chilling in more ways than one, hence my problem. After settling into her room at the Bates Motel, Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) decides to shower before turning in for the night. She undresses - with ol’ Norm watching, of course - ventures into the bathroom, steps into the tub, pulls the curtain closed and then turns the water on.

Who does that?

Brrr-r-r-r-r-r!

Unless your house is equipped with a nuclear-powered microwave water heater, what first-spews from any spigot is downright scrotum-shrinking. Maybe I’m being presumptuous, but don’t most of us let the water run for a few seconds, so when we finally step in we don’t feel like pledges in the Polar Bear Club? I’m pretty sure almost nobody jumps into a shower until that pulsating water is nice and toasty.

Yet Marion simply steps in and blasts that shit right into her face without so much as a flinch, let-alone the breathless “fu-fu-fuc-FUCK!” most of us would manage to wheeze as we pinned ourselves to the shower wall in order to escape the sudden arctic torrent.

Again, who does that? Nobody fucking does, especially at a hotel, arguably the only time you’re encouraged to waste all the water you want. As a homeowner whose blood vessels burst each month the water bill arrives, I’ve tried real hard to reign-in both of my daughters’ penchant for basking under the showerhead for 20 minutes every morning just to wake up. But even as much as I hate paying that bill, I still make sure my own showers are good & hot before stepping in. It’s worth a few extra bucks a month just to avoid having my frozen balls suck themselves into my chest cavity.

But I digress...this is just nitpicking, the ramblings of a guy who’s probably seen this movie one too many times. Psycho remains one of the all-time greats, undeserving of such anal-retentive scrutiny. Still, I’ll bet even the staunchest Hitchcock fan will think about this single implausible moment the next time they watch it. Sorry ‘bout that.

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: 40th ANNIVERSARY EDITION on Blu-Ray Oct. 27

Blu-ray Bonus Materials Include the All-New 30-minute

“Monty Python and the Holy Grail at the 2015 Tribeca Film Festival” Q&A.

Limited Edition Gift Set Features Unique & Interactive Castle Packaging,

Complete with Real Catapult Action & Rubber Farm Animals

CULVER CITY, Calif. (August 17, 2015) –Sony Pictures Home Entertainment celebrates the 20th Century’s most brilliant and outrageous comedy troupe and their essential comedy classic with the MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL: 40th ANNIVERSARY EDITION, available as a Limited Edition Gift Set and in standard Blu-Ray packaging on Oct. 27.  Both editions of the comic masterpiece include all-new artwork from Terry Gilliam and the all-new 30-minute “Monty Python and the Holy Grail at the 2015 Tribeca Film Festival,” a Q&A with Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, John Cleese and Eric Idle, hosted by John Oliver and recorded live at the Beacon Theatre in New York City.

EVEN MORE PET PEEVES OF A MOVIE SNOB

I’ve attended movies where, when the end credits start to roll, people in the audience break into applause. Unless you’re lucky enough to be invited to a world premiere where members of the cast and crew are in attendance, who the hell are you applauding…the employee in the projection booth who made the sure film started on time?

Sometimes I'm almost thankful when a film I really enjoyed flops at the box office. It guarantees no one will come along and attempt a shitty sequel.

Have you ever met someone who thinks seeing Schindler's List or 12 Years a Slave suddenly makes them well-informed on historical atrocities?

Feeling threatened, guys? All part of Hollywood's master plan.

Studios have one agenda...to make profitable movies. There's no racist agenda, black agenda, feminist agenda, liberal agenda, gay agenda or any other agenda consciously placed within a big-budgeted Hollywood movie with the sole purpose of personally offending you. George Miller did not spend ten years and $150 million making Mad Max: Fury Road with the intent of emasculating the few misogynists in the audience who felt threatened by a female ass-kicker.

Hey, Fanboys...you make-up roughly 5% of the potential audience for any movie, and your die hard allegiance to the source material is of little concern to Hollywood. They don’t make these movies exclusively for you, despite how much you bitch online with other like-minded folks over changes to your precious comics. Your collective voice isn’t that loud, and the 95% of the audience didn’t care if Ben Kingsley wasn’t the real Mandarin in Iron Man 3.

Speaking of Fanboys...why do some of you work yourselves into a frenzy with the incessant need to know and discuss every single detail, costume, plot-point or potential character revelation months before you even get to see the damn thing? What's the fun in that? Don't you ever want to be surprised on occasion, rather than pay your ten bucks just to confirm what you already know is going to happen?

One a related note, the internet is arguably the worst thing to ever happen to die hard cinema lovers. I can't count how many times, when there's been a major film I'm really looking forward to, I've forced myself to avoid various movie-related websites or forums because there's inevitably some lowlife hell-bent on giving everything away.

While we're on the subject, here's a message to legions of writers on the internet (myself included): No matter who you are, no matter how much you love or hate a franchise, no matter what your intentions...if you provide spoilers for any movie (even if you post a Spoiler Alert beforehand), you’re an asshole. And if, for some reason, you are unable to discuss a film without providing spoilers, learn to write better.

Just because a film is gory does not necessarily make it a horror movie.

Exactly when did movie trailers become newsworthy? They're commercials, certainly not worth writing entire articles about or discussing for hours in a public forum.

Am I the only one increasingly insulted by the number of franchises being rebooted before the corpses of the old ones are even cold?

If you don't know who John Ford, Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, Francis Ford Coppola or Martin Scorsese are, kindly remove yourself from any serious movie discussion until you've gone back and watched a few of their masterpieces.

If a film-related article on the internet has a headline which ends with a question mark, chances are it's essentially worthless as actual news. It's most-likely click-bait loaded with unconfirmed speculation.

On Tuesdays, movie tickets are only five bucks at the Regal Cinemas in my hometown. Initially, my wife and I thought this would be the best time to catch the latest blockbusters. We were soon proven wrong however, because that’s also the time when worst people decide to go to the movies as well, those who obviously don’t get out much, forget they aren’t at home and still think it’s okay to talk and text to their hearts’ content. Bargain days are the worst days to go to the movies.

Stop making fun of Twilight. All the jokes, memes and rants have already been done. You’re adding nothing new to the argument. Move on.

If you've never bothered to watch a western, you aren't a movie fan.

...because movies didn't exist before this author was born.

There's an increasing number of writers on the internet who pretentiously post "Best of All Time" lists in various categories, then make it immediately obvious their definition of "All Time" is only the last 30 years or so.

True zombie fans know the undead don't just eat brains.

This current wave of Adam Sandler bashing is somewhat amusing, with countless folks ranting about how awful his recent films have been, apparently forgetting Sandler was never all that funny unless you're 12 years old. A few semi-dramatic roles notwithstanding, he's the Jerry Lewis of the 21st Century, a one-trick pony whose schtick has simply outstayed its welcome because his initial audience grew up.

The term, blockbuster, refers to any movie which becomes a massive hit at the box office. It has nothing to do with a film's budget, quality, pre-release hype, special effects, star power or franchise potential. Like it or not, Paranormal Activity was a blockbuster, Edge of Tomorrow wasn't (though it should have been).