New Disc Review: MOVIE 43 (Blu-Ray/DVD)

Starring Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Common, Seth MacFarlane, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Liev Schreiber, Anna Faris, Justin Long, Uma Thurman, Richard Gere, Kate Bosworth, Sean William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Terrence Howard, Elizabeth Banks. Directed by Peter Farrelly, Elizabeth Banks, James Gunn, Brett Ratner, et al. (2013, 94 min).

Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment

Movie 43 is, so far, one of the most critically reviled movies of the year. Many of those critics have already declared it among the worst movies ever made. Richard Roeper even cheekily dubbed it "the Citizen Kane of awful."

Is it really that bad? No, but it is pretty terrible, the kind of thing immature ninth grade boys would make if they had all of Hollywood's resources at their disposal. Movie 43 is a staggering train wreck of a film with the biggest cast of A-list actors since The Ten Commandments, and numerous directors whose skills are wasted here (well, maybe not Brett Ratner's). It's one of those movies that you watch in slack-jawed amazement at the amount of talent involved to produce something so blatantly offensive, crude and stupid.

But it's that train-wreck quality that actually makes Movie 43 initially fascinating. Seeing such respected actors as Richard Gere, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts and Uma Thurman (to name a few) appear in something like this is, at the very least, a one-of-a-kind experience. One can't help but wonder what possessed some of them to do this.

"Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just
glad to see me?"

The movie itself is a series of crude sketches, the kind you might see on Saturday Night Live if they didn't have to adhere to network TV standards, thinly tied together by an overarching segment in which involves a disturbed screenwriter making a sales pitch to a movie studio. Though this connecting arch is pretty awful, the first actual sketch is really funny, involving a blind date with Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman, the running gag being that Jackman has a set of testicles hanging from his chin. It actually raises one's expectations that the rest of the movie will be just as much uninhibited fun, a feeling reinforced by the next sketch, in which some loving parents, home-schooling their teenage son, go to extremes to recreate the high school experience at home. At this point, I found myself thinking maybe those critics who hated the movie needed to lighten up.

But alas, things go downhill from there. You know how SNL loads all their best material in the first half hour, leaving the crappy shit until the end? Except for what is arguably the greatest Tampax commercial of all time, the rest of Movie 43 consists of crappy shit, trading in cleverness for shock value, daring the viewer to be offended. That these god-awful sketches feature respected actors appears to be the entire point of the whole movie.

If that's the case, then perhaps all those condemning critics had it wrong all along. After seeing Movie 43, I have to say maybe its utter awfulness is intentional, especially since it's technically well made and the performances are actually pretty good (despite the idiocy of the material, most of the cast bring their A-game). From that standpoint, Movie 43 is morbidly compelling, like our tendency to slow down to check out a violent car wreck on the way to work.

But that doesn't mean we want to see vehicular carnage every day on our daily commute. After the novelty of seeing this cast appear in shockingly-crude sketches wears off, most folks aren't likely to sit through them again, making Movie 43 a film that’s best seen just once.

SPECIAL FEATURES: Alternate Cut; Deleted Short - "Find Our Daughter"; Theatrical Trailer

FKMG RATING:

(Out of 5)

 

THE PARALLAX VIEW vs. Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Starring Warren Beatty, Hume Cronyn, William Daniels, Paula Prentiss, Earl Hindman. Directed by Alan J. Pakula. (1974, 102 min).

This opening message is for any teenagers thinking of throwing a big party at the house while your parents are out of town: Don't.

It won't turn out like you think. Lots of shit will get broken. Half of those who show up will be people you didn't even invite. A couple will end up having sex in your parents' bed, despite the fact you declared the room off-limits. Some asshole will try to get your dog stoned. There's also a good chance a neighbor will call the cops complaining about the noise.

The next day, your house will resemble a tornado-ravaged trailer park, and you'll have only a few hours to clean it all up (including the lingering stench of pot, beer & vomit) before your folks return. Everyone at the party (even those you did invite) will have deserted you hours ago, meaning you'll be on your own to restore the house to its pre-party condition (and you'll be massively hung-over, to boot).

Most teenagers reading this will likely not take my advice. To them, I offer this: If you still insist on throwing a party, do yourself one big favor...hide everything you personally consider valuable.

Back then, what mattered most to me was my music collection. Cassettes were the format-of-choice at the time, and I had a ton of them...Judas Priest, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Rush, Queen, The Cars, Pat Benatar, all mega-popular in the early 80s. After the party, most of them were gone, stolen by folks who took advantage of the fact I was really hammered. While this may not seem like a big deal in this day and age of downloading for free, please remember that my impressive collection was the result of several years' worth of allowance.

Because I was racing the clock trying to clean the house before Mom & Dad got home, it took awhile for me to notice that my music collection had been decimated. None of my LPs were touched (mostly old stuff like The Beatles and Kiss), but my cassette rack was almost empty, save for my entire collection of Emerson, Lake & Palmer (ELP). Nobody wanted those. When I finally did notice my suddenly-sparse cassette rack, I was mostly thankful no one bothered to steal them because ELP was my favorite group.

I bought a lot of cassettes simply because they were popular and sounded cool when cranking them up in my car. But ELP was special to me. They were also the first band my parents expressed an utter hatred for (Dad called ‘em Emerson, Lake & Shit), making then even cooler to me. What my folks didn’t know was ELP were already dinosaurs by the time I expressed interest in them. Disco and punk rock had already taken over, and the kids who stole all my cassettes didn't give a shit about ELP because the were never popular with most teenagers to begin with. Hell, I was never able to effectively explain why I liked them.

I still enjoy them, even though I see why so many people don’t. ELP never made catchy, danceable singles. Many of their classic songs were long, self-congratulatory instrumental excursions, despite the occasional ballad which became an accidental hit. My folks hated them so much they actually forbade me to listen to them for a time. Today, ELP are not as revered as other 70's icons. Neither is a paranoid little film from my childhood called The Parallax View. There isn’t much modern love for this movie either.

To elaborate, soon after marrying way too young, moving out of the house and quickly experiencing financial dire straits, little-by-little, I began to sell my beloved record and tape collection for groceries and gas. However, the buy-&-sell record stores where I conducted business were never interested in my ELP albums (because none of their other customers were interested either).

Similarly, when I later started making my transition from VHS to DVD, I slowly started unloading the old tapes in my collection. I didn't get much for them (VHS became worthless pretty quickly in the late 90s), but often enough to trade five or six tapes for a brand-spanking new disc. Still, there were some titles dealers refused to pay anything for, obscure 70s relics like Grizzly, The Medusa Touch, The Big Bus and The Parallax View, movies loved by myself but few others. Once I had those titles on disc, I couldn't even give VHS versions away.

Obviously, what's considered great is highly subjective, but it was somewhat depressing to learn how low some people valued the movies I've always held in such high regard. On the other hand, if a drug-addled movie fan were to break into my house today and select only the films they could easily pawn, I'm sure many of my sentimental favorites would be left behind for me to enjoy another day.

"Hey, boy...I got twenty bucks that says you can't find my twenty bucks."

The Parallax View is definitely one of those, where Warren Beatty plays Joe Frady, a frankly-obnoxious reporter for a Seattle newspaper who uncovers a conspiracy behind the recent assassination of a congressman. One-by-one, many of the people who witnessed the event are dying in mysterious accidents. Several clues lead Frady to the Parallax Corporation, a huge American company with its hands in a several industries. One of its more lucrative business ventures is the recruiting and training of assassins. Frady then goes undercover as a would-be recruit in order to expose the conspiracy.

Released in 1974 (at the peak of ELP’s popularity, by the way), The Parallax View was yet-another film where Beatty was trying his damnedest to break free of his matinee idol image. At this point in history, he was a huge star, but ever since Bonnie and Clyde, always seemed to be going out of his way to downplay how good-looking he was (sort of like George Clooney today).

Like ELP's music, The Parallax View hasn't aged very well, a relic from the post-Watergate era, and nobody today ever mentions it among the classics of the 1970s. Like my parents' and classmates' disdain for ELP, it's easy to understand why. Considering it's directed by Alan J. Pakula (a man of considerable talent), the movie looks sloppily slapped together. It also seems like entire transitional scenes are missing which would have made it more cohesive. Not that it's hard to follow or anything, but sometimes we don't see how Frady makes the connection from A-to-B with the few leads he's found so far. It is also hard to identify with Frady himself, who's pretty pushy and self-centered from the get-go. Beatty is good, as is the rest of the cast, but we're given no reason to give a damn about any of them. Not only that, the action scenes are actually kinda lame...even the opening fight atop Seattle's Space Needle.

Still, it's one of my oddball childhood favorites, like my love of ELP. I first saw it when me and my friend Greg snuck into it at the Southgate Quad, where it was the bottom half of a double feature with 3 Days of the Condor (starring Robert Redford, another guy trying to shed his matinee idol image). Condor didn't leave much of an impression...too confusing for a 13 year old. So was The Parallax View, but the final scene knocked me for a loop, maybe because I'm pretty sure this was the first movie I ever saw with a totally bleak & nihilistic resolution. Sure, I'd already seen Planet of the Apes, but at least Charlton Heston survived. By the end of The Parallax View, everyone remotely considered a protagonist is dead. All the bad guys emerged unscathed, free to continue their nefarious ways.

That ending stuck with me - even haunted me a little bit - because I was accustomed to my movies offering at least a branch of hope to cling to. The Parallax View has no such branch, so even if I didn't understand everything going on back then, it gave me something different.

I found that cool, just like ELP was cool. Both were much different than my usual diet of action movies and Kiss records. Sure, The Parallax View is just another pitch-black conspiracy thriller from a decade rife with them, but it altered my perception of what movies could be. While the film isn't without its flaws (most of which I noticed when viewing as an adult), it presented a deep dish of despair...and this 13 year old liked the taste.

Play the A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD Game (Free!)

With the release of A Good Day to Die Hard on DigitalHD™ this week – three weeks in advance of the June 4th Blu-ray release – we are pleased to bring you a little fun in the form of a free 16-bit A Good Day to Die Hard game. Just click the image to start 'Going McClane' on everybody!

New Disc Review: DARK SKIES (Blu-Ray/DVD)

Starring Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton, Dakota Hoyo, Kadan Rocket, J.K. Simmons. Directed by Scott Stewart. (2013, 97 min).

Anchor Bay Entertainment

There's something about weird-ass symbols that make everything just a bit creepier.

Case in point...last week I got a postcard in the mail. There was no return address...just a single message: "Have you been chosen?" Normally, I would have first assumed I won something, followed almost immediately by the realization that whatever I was 'chosen' for would likely require sitting through a time-share seminar. But this cryptic announcement was surrounded by bizarre shapes and symbols...almost like mini crop circles. For a brief second, the chronic paranoia in me took over. I've seen enough horror movies to know weird-ass symbols are never a good sign

The postcard wasn't directly addressed to me, but Free Kittens Movie Guide, meaning it was a promo. Sure enough, Dark Skies on Blu-Ray arrived a few days later, a film where these shapes play an important role in the story. I gotta admit it was an ingenious introduction to the movie.

This one is touted as being "from the producer of Paranormal Activity and Insidious," two films which were far better than I thought they'd be. Hence, I had slightly higher expectations for this one than a lot of recent horror movies.

What's worse than aliens in the house? A big-ass spider on the ceiling.

Dark Skies follows the Insidious formula pretty closely...a typical, young suburban family begins to experience inexplicable events at home (groceries tossed around the kitchen, family photos vanishing, suicidal birds, etc.). Most of the strange phenomena appear to be directed at Jesse & Sam, their two kids. The dark bruises appear all over Sam’s torso. Moody older brother, Jesse, has a violent seizure, and upon examination, their physician finds strange symbols tattooed all over his body (See? Not a good sign!). Mom believes supernatural forces are behind it all. Dad needs a lot more convincing, which he gets after installing video cameras all over the house and catching the terror on tape. But it isn’t until they meet an eccentric, cat-hoarding recluse (J.K. Simmons) that they learn what they’re up against: The Greys, a horde of kid-snatching extra-terrestrials.

So yeah, Dark Skies is basically Insidious with aliens. Writer/Director Scott Stewart (who also helmed the underrated Priest) provides some nice moments of tension throughout the first half. A solid cast helps make the whole thing seem at-least plausible. Although the concept is a little murky, it’s mostly intriguing enough to maintain interest. However, unlike Insidious (which had some truly terrifying moments), Dark Skies is never very scary, and the payoff isn’t nearly as satisfying. It also feels padded out with some unnecessary subplots. This family’s financial problems don’t figure into the story at all, nor does Jesse’s awkward sexual awakening (these scenes slow the movie down to a crawl).

Though a fairly predictable variation on the family-in-peril genre, Dark Skies is well-made for what it is. It doesn’t instill the same level of dread as Insidious, but it’s far from the worst of its ilk (and a hell of a lot better than any of the Paranormal Activity’s dreadful sequels). I don’t regret being chosen.

SPECIAL FEATURES: Audio Commentary by Writer/Director Scott Stewart, Producers Jason Blum & Brian Kavanaugh-Jones and Editor Peter Gvozdas. Alternate & Deleted Scenes.

FKMG RATING:

1/2 

(OUT OF 5)

PINK FLOYD: THE WALL and My Depressed Pooch

Starring Bob Geldof, Christine Hargreaves, Eleanor Davis, Alex McAvoy, Bob Hoskins. Directed by Alan Parker. (1982, 95 min).

I have a Wheaten Terrier named Murphy. He's sort-of a 'rebound' dog, meaning we bought him to replace another Wheaten Terrier, Moose, who was only ten months old when he was hit by a car.

I was devastated when Moose died, which is ironic because I didn't initially even want a dog. Until my wife brought him home without bothering to check with me (resulting in a few days of giving each other the Silent Treatment), I was content with cats. But Moose endeared himself to me and I quickly grew to love him. When he died, the house felt suddenly empty. A few days after his passing, I did what many guys do after being unceremoniously dumped by a girl they assumed was the love of their life: quickly find a dog who looks just like him.

I found a breeder in Arkansas who had Wheaten puppies at a cheap price, and after pleading to my wife with teary eyes, we bought Murphy. It was actually more expensive to pay the shipping price than for the dog himself. We later discovered why we got him so cheap...he came from a puppy mill.

Generally, Wheaten Terriers are friendly, energetic, playful, loyal and loving. So was Moose, but while Murphy did indeed resemble Moose, like that rebound girlfriend, the similarities ended there. Murphy turned out to be easily frightened, often spending a lot of time cowering under our bed, with a huge distrust of male humans. During those first few months, his overall anxiety messed with his digestion, and he ruined our carpet with puddles of vomit and diarrhea. Whenever we called him, even with a treat in-hand, he'd run away. It took a loooong time for him to warm up to any of us. Even though I was the one he first laid eyes on when I picked him up at the airport, it was with Francie (my wife) that he developed the strongest bond (which pissed me off to an extent, since I was the one who wanted him so badly).

Murphy eventually overcame most of his quirks, but he'll still go scampering into the bedroom if you stare at him too long, and with the exception of me, he barks like he's rabid whenever a male enters the house. He doesn't like to play with other dogs or visit my kids in their rooms. He shits on the driveway instead of the yard. And while he is sometimes very playful, there are often times when he just lays on the floor, looking like he hates being a dog. It's even worse when Francie leaves. When she's gone, he just mopes around, totally depressed. He doesn't want to play, eat his favorite treats or go on walkies. And he'll stay that way until he sees Francie again. Watching him like this sometimes ends up depressing me.

If there was a soundtrack to Murphy's life, it would consist of Pink Floyd music. In fact I'm convinced that, if he were human, his iPod playlist would contain of a ton of Floyd, which would enhance those times he chooses to wallow in his own misery.

Pink Floyd is, of course, one of the biggest bands of all time. They were especially huge in the 70s and early 80s, making records which practically begged you to drop a hit of acid before throwing on the headphones. Their album, Dark Side of the Moon was to head trips what John Williams' film score was to Jaws. 

Bob Geldof wants to change the channel, but like so many of us, can't find the remote.

I was in high school when Pink Floyd released their biggest album, The Wall. The band was already very popular, but this double-album turned them into a cultural phenomenon. Everyone was listening to it, mostly because of the hit single, "Another Brick in the Wall," a song that, when heard outside of the context of the album, sounds like a simple-minded rebellious anthem. But Pink Floyd was never a 'singles band'. Their 70s records were conceptual, all songs tied to an ambiguous central theme or idea. They were also dark, nihilistic and generally contemptuous of human nature. With hindsight, it is obvious the members of Pink Floyd (songwriter Roger Waters in particular) were not doing the same drugs as their longtime fans, and The Wall is easily their most bitter, angry & mean-spirited record, even giving a few 'fuck yous' to the legions who made Floyd so huge to begin with.

I briefly got into Pink Floyd back then, mainly because of a stoner buddy named Scott. And yeah, during those times we passed the bong around, they were the greatest band on Earth. But the inherent problem with Floyd's music is this: listening to it sober is an entirely different experience..

I can't speak for everyone, but for me, without mind-altering chemicals, Pink Floyd is somber, slow and very depressing. And not just the lyrics...the music itself is depressing. Even if the lyrics to "Dogs," (from the album, Animals) were actually about dogs, the music alone would make you wanna curl up in bed until the bad feelings go away.

The film, Pink Floyd: The Wall, came out in 1982 (my senior year). Of course, me and my cannabis cronies went to see it (at a midnight showing). Of course, we got good & baked beforehand. So of course, we thought it was great (especially the mind-blowing animated sequences). This wasn't the first musical based on a popular rock record. There was 1975's Tommy, an incoherent mess with terrible performances. Then we got Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, such an awesome train-wreck that watching it today can still cause altered minds to explode.

If nothing else, Pink Floyd: The Wall is one rock musical which stays true to its origins, telling its story exclusively through music and imagery (since there’s no actual dialogue, one could even consider it the longest music video ever made). Though star Bob Geldof croaks out a few tunes, the rest of the music is lifted directly from Floyd’s album. Band leader Roger Waters also wrote the screenplay, so it’s obvious what shows up on screen was his vision all along. Hence, the movie is as bleak and cynical as the original record, making it arguably the darkest musical of all time.

Its faithfulness to the source material and outstanding direction by Alan Parker are truly admirable. But admiration of a movie isn’t necessarily the same as actually enjoying it, especially once the drugs wear off. Pink Floyd: The Wall is just as depressing as any album the band ever made. The fact that it has aged better than similar cult films from the same era actually works against it. As badly-dated as movies like Heavy Metal or The Rocky Horror Picture Show are, their antiquity renders them cheekily amusing. But even today, watching Pink Floyd: The Wall is like watching my dog Murphy mope around the house in one of his states of depression.

I guess the main difference between the movie and my dog is I don't like the film's main character, Pink. We're given no reason to think he's anything but a spoiled rock star trying to convince us how terrible it is to be a rock star, just like we've never been given a reason why it sucks to be a member of Pink Floyd. They were the biggest band in the free-fucking-world at the time, yet still enjoyed belittling the masses who made them so huge to begin with.

But I do care whether or not my dog is happy. Despite his quirks, I know he loves us. He's simply maladjusted because of his abusive upbringing. Because Pink Floyd's music is the perfect soundtrack for wallowing in depression, the haunting melodies of their music drift into my head whenever I see Murphy staring longingly out the window when Francie's gone.

New Disc Review: BARRYMORE (Blu-Ray)

Starring Christopher Plummer, John Plumpis. Directed by Erik Canuel. (2011, 84 min).

www.RLJEntertainment.com


Christopher Plummer has been around so long that his face and voice are instantly recognizable, yet we still take him for granted. In movies, he has seldom been the 'star' of the show, but often gives the most memorable performance. He's always been widely respected, but never mentioned among the great character actors; it was nice to see him finally nab an Oscar a few years ago at the age of 82 (making him the oldest actor ever to win the award).

So it's kinda cool to see Plummer unleashed in Barrymore, where he is literally the entire show. Based on the one-man stage play (in which he also starred), he plays John Barrymore, the once-highly respected stage and silent film actor whose alcoholism all-but destroyed his career. Here, he's on a nearly-empty stage, rehearsing in hopes of making a comeback with a revival of his most-revered role, Richard III. Years of hard living and self-abuse make this easier said than done; in between struggling to remember lines which once came naturally, Barrymore recalls the events, anecdotes and people which shaped his life and career, sometimes humorously, but often with unspoken remorse.

As an actor's showcase, Barrymore is excellent. Plummer is terrific in the role he first created for the stage. It's nice to see someone so respected-yet-marginalized can successfully carry the entire weight of a film on his shoulders. In fact, he's the sole reason the film is worth seeing, because Barrymore isn't so much a traditional movie as it is a filmed version of the play.

Plays and movies are two entirely different mediums. What works on a stage doesn't always effectively translate to film. Here, sometimes the camera is a little intrusive, making everything seem somewhat smaller. One-man shows like this do not necessarily benefit from the use of multiple cameras and choreographed shots.

Still, Barrymore is worth checking out for Plummer's performance alone. It is immediately obvious he's one of our greatest living actors, and given the chance, he can shine without any help from a supporting cast. His portrayal of John Barrymore is on par with Hal Holbrook's legendary Mark Twain shows. But I think I'd much prefer to see something like this live.

SPECIAL FEATURES: Backstage with Barrymore

FKMG RATING:

(out of 5)

New Disc Review: SUPERMAN UNBOUND (Blu-Ray/DVD/Ultraviolet)

Starring the voices of Matt Bomer, Stana Katic, John Noble, Molly Dunn. Directed by James Tucker. (2013, 75 min).

warnervideo.com

I like Superman, though I wouldn't consider myself a die hard fan. I really liked the first two live-action films from the late 70s, and even thought Superman Returns was okay. But I never read the comics or watched the various TV cartoons that have popped up over the years. He was never as interesting as Batman.

I have a basic working knowledge of Superman lore: he's an alien, has a girlfriend named Lois, can be killed by Kryptonite and is able to disguise his true identity by throwing on a pair of glasses. As far as his various recurring nemeses goes...well, I know who Lex Luthor is. That's why I was thankful to have my wife, Francie, at my side to watch Superman Unbound in order to fill-in the blanks and explain when the movie stays-true-to, or deviates-from, established history. Francie's always been the superhero expert of the family, but even if she wasn't around, I thoroughly enjoyed the movie enough on its own terms.

In Superman Unbound, Clark and Lois have been dating for a long time, and she’s frustrated by how his double-life interferes with their relationship. Complicating his life is his recently-arrived cousin, Supergirl, who is a bit more reckless. As the story progresses, she’s often the one who’s there to save the day in Metropolis while he's out in space getting his ass kicked by Brainiac, a nefarious half-man, half-machine who seems to be even more powerful than the Man of Steel. Brainiac has been traveling the universe in his skull-shaped ship, shrinking giant cities from various worlds to put in his collection (including Supergirl’s hometown, lifted out of Krypton before the planet destroyed itself). Brainiac doesn’t make it completely clear how shrinking major cities to keep in jars is any kind of advantage, since it doesn’t seem to make him any more powerful...but never mind. It’s a cool enough story.

"Smell that? That's what you get for following me."

The movie is done in the same limited-animation, comic-noir style of the popular DC Comics shows on Cartoon Network, which I suppose will please fans. I never cared for this style (to me, traditional animation peaked with Looney Tunes), but was able to overlook it because the story is interesting, the characters are well-rounded and, best of all, the dialogue is smart and sometimes quite funny.

It’s the humor in Superman Unbound that I appreciated the most, especially in two great scenes. The first features Steve Lombard (a hunky co-worker at the Daily Planet and a total douchebag) who explains to Lois why he thinks Clark Kent might be gay. The other is Lois’ deadpan response (and double-fisted gesture) to one of Brainiac’s ominous, foreboding warnings. The scene is unexpected and laugh-out-loud hilarious.

While on the subject of adult humor, Superman Unbound earns its PG-13 rating. In addition to some amusing sexual innuendo, the movie is pretty violent at times. Since I’ve never watched any of the current DC Comic-based programs on Cartoon Network, I don’t know if this is typical of the franchise, but this particular film was obviously not made with little children in-mind.

That being said, I enjoyed the movie more than I expected to, and I think most die hard Superman fans will as well. It is funny, fast-paced and pretty well made for a direct-to-video production. I also have to say the overall picture quality of the Blu-Ray is great.

SPECIAL FEATURES: Brainiac: Technology and Terror, preview of Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox, 4 DC Comics cartoons, digital excerpt from the graphic novel, Superman: Brainiac.

EXCLUSIVE BLU-RAY FEATURES: Kandor: The History of the Bottle City, audio commentary

FKMG RATING:

 

(out of 5)

New Disc Review: A COMMON MAN (Blu-Ray and DVD)

Starring Ben Kingsley, Ben Cross, Numaya Siriwardena, Patrick Rutnam, Rederick-James Lobato. Directed by Chandran Rutnam. (2012, 86 min).

Anchor Bay Entertainment

Ben Kingsley's current career is a lot like Michael Caine's in the 70s & 80s. Caine was so well-respected that he could get away with appearing in some godawful stuff (The Swarm, Jaws: The Revenge, etc) and nobody thought any less of him. Similarly, Kingsley is so good that when he shows up in crap like The Love Guru or The Dictator, we may question some of his choices, but we respect the fact he probably just loves to act. Besides, neither of these guys are to blame for any of the smudges on their resumes.

Make no mistake, A Common Man is definitely one of Kingsley's smudges. Here, he plays an unnamed man who's planted five bombs somewhere in the city of Colombo, Sri Lanka. He informs the police (led by a surprisingly awful Ben Cross) that unless several high profile terrorists are released from prison, he will detonate the bombs. Sounds like an interesting set-up for a nice little cat & mouse thriller, even though its obvious low budget prevents it from being the action-driven Die Hard clone it probably should have been.



"Hey, baby...what are you wearing?"

And indeed, the film starts off great as we watch this man travel by bus and train to plant his bombs throughout the city. Considering we know almost nothing about him, Kingsley gives the character a nice balance of sympathy and ice-cold determination. Then again, Kingsley has always been a great villain. Too bad his smooth performance is wasted on a movie like this.

A Common Man completely falls apart the second any other characters show up and begin to speak. The dialogue is awful, which isn’t helped by some atrocious dubbing. Ben Cross has always been a reliable character actor, but here, it looks like he’s phoning it in (ironic when you consider most of Kingley’s role requires him to literally phone it in). The film is also clumsily-paced and frequently boring. For an “action movie,” A Common Man has precious little action.

Action films do not always need to be big-budget knock-outs, since truly creative filmmakers are often able to make the most of their assets. The only asset A Common Man has is Kingsley. He’s the only reason anyone would want to see this, and that may not be enough.

FKMG RATING:

 (out of 5)

BUCK ROGERS IN THE 25TH CENTURY and the Southgate Theater (RIP)

Starring Gil Gerard, Pamela Hensley, Erin Gray, Henry Silva, Tim O'Connor & the voice of Mel Blanc. Directed by Daniel Haller. (1979, 89 min).

God bless the Southgate Quad and its non-existent security policy. It allowed me to enjoy a plethora of movies long before I grew up to notice how shitty a lot of them were.

Once located in the Portland suburb of Milwaukie and only a few miles from where I lived, the Southgate was a big yellow box in the middle of an industrial area, with one giant auditorium for the blockbusters and three tiny cracker-boxes for everything else. The lobby itself was huge, loaded with pinball machines & the latest techno-triumph which had us kids hypnotized...Pong. And for some reason, there was a massive mural of the moon looming overhead. It was a pretty modern building for its time and the only multiplex in all of Southeast Portland.

I remember when my parents took us to the Southgate to see The Three Musketeers and hearing Dad bitch that it cost almost ten bucks (for the whole family) to get in. Mom added that when they were kids, tickets were only a quarter, and that single shiny coin got you two movies and a cartoon (often a Looney Tunes short). It must have been awesome to be a film fanatic back in the 40s and 50s.

Not that 70's ticket prices were terrible to me. We didn't get a cartoon, but still got a lot of double features, and if you were 11 or younger, tickets were only a buck and a half. Don't ask me why 12 was the magic age to pay adult prices (especially since it didn't permit us to see anything we couldn't watch at 11), but I was lucky enough to get away with paying kiddie prices until I was almost ready to drive. Because of that, I wasn't too picky whenever I went to the Southgate Quad to engage in the act of theater-hopping (which was about every week).

So actually, I had it better than my folks when they were kids because there weren't any multiplexes  in the 50s. A well-planned bit of sneakiness allowed me to catch all four movies playing at the Southgate on any given weekend. Four movies divided by a buck and a half? That's only 37 cents (assuming, of course, that all four movies were worth seeing to a teenager, which wasn't really that often). But even after I could no longer pass for 11 and had to pay the exorbitant price of three bucks, hanging out at the Southgate was a pretty great deal and I probably saw more movies there than any other theater in my life.

The downside to theater-hopping at the Southgate was there wasn't always a lot of turnover (Jaws played there for nine months), so sometimes me and my friends ended up seeing the same things over and over, even if they weren't that great to begin with, like Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.

While not necessarily a bad movie, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century was a rip-off, for two reasons...

First, this was Universal Pictures doing the whole Roger Corman thing by cheaply capitalizing on a hot property, Star Wars (which was ironically inspired by old movie serials like Buck Rogers). In order to avoid spending much money, many of the battle scenes used footage from the expensive TV flop, Battlestar Galactica (which, in turn, was ironically inspired by Star Wars). Buck Rogers in the 25th Century followed the Star Wars formula pretty close and was a fairly entertaining way for undemanding kids to kill 90 minutes.

Second, it looks and plays like a 70's TV movie, which I later found out it actually was. Buck Rogers was intended as a television series all along, and the movie me & my friends shelled out our precious allowance to see was the pilot episode, but Universal released it in theaters first. It aired on NBC only a couple of months later as the first episode. Throwing the pilot episode of a TV show onto the big screen is kind-of an ingenious way to hype a series when you think about it: Buck Rogers later showed up on TV with theatrical cred and the entire original cast onboard (because they originally signed up to do a television show).

I didn't know any of this as I sat through the movie at least four times. But if I had known the movie was going to show-up on TV in a couple of months, would it have made a difference?

Tim O'Connor is thankful for the napkin in his lap.

Probably not, because even back then, three bucks wasn't a lot of money, so when a movie was just a cheesy rip-off, we seldom felt ripped-off. And to be honest, despite its TV production values, Buck Rogers in the 25th Century was stupid-but-undemanding fun at the time (and Erin Gray looked like my friend's hot mom I'm ashamed to admit I fantasized about). Simply put, there wasn't a lot of risk.

That isn't true anymore. Whenever my wife and I go out and the movie ends up sucking, we're out forty bucks (this includes popcorn and two drinks). You might be tempted to come back with, "Well, that's just inflation."

No, it isn't. You know how much it cost to buy a movie on VHS 25 years ago? Twenty bucks, which is still what you'll spend on the average Blu-Ray disc today. Even though technology has improved by leaps and bounds, the price of home video has gone up 0% during the past two decades. It used to be that renting a movie was a cheap alternative to admission prices. Now it's even cheaper to buy the movie altogether.

I recently bought the 2011 prequel to The Thing on Blu-Ray, sight unseen. It was nothing special, but I enjoyed it enough to justify the $14.99 I shelled out at Best Buy. However, I would have felt ripped-off if we had spent forty bucks for my wife and I to watch it in a theater. My assessment of The Thing was directly influenced by how much I paid for it. If I had paid today's ticket prices for something like Buck Rogers in the 25th Century, I'd be screaming for Gil Gerard's head unless I was able to sneak into another auditorium to catch something better. But I don't do much theater-hopping anymore. Part of it is guilt, but it's mostly because all of today's megaplexes make it a lot harder because they juggle the showtimes.

With hindsight, I doubt the management of the old Southgate really cared we were theater hopping back then as long as they kept selling popcorn & soda (theaters' biggest source of income...they get relatively a relatively little percentage of a movie's box office take). Hell, maybe they even encouraged it, since the longer we were there, the more concessions we'd buy.

I think the last movie I saw at my old stomping grounds was Star Trek: Insurrection. I chose the Southgate because of my fond memories, and it had been years since I'd visited the old place. But when I went into the lobby to complain about the terrible sound quality, it turned out there was nothing actually wrong with the audio...the owners of the old Southgate simply never upgraded the sound system of their auditoriums since I was a kid. It was depressing...the theater that first showed Jaws in the Portland area was now a relic. Archaic little quads like Southgate became dumping grounds for movies after they ended their runs at the modern megaplexes.

The Southgate closed its doors over a decade ago. It stood empty for awhile before being unceremoniously bulldozed. The land remained empty for a long time, and I really hoped maybe someone would replace that old, puke-colored box with a new Southgate. That never happened. Today, it's just a parking lot for those who work in the surrounding warehouses. Whenever I drive by that location, a part of me mourns just a little bit. The Southgate was never more than a big ugly box, but it was a major part of my childhood.

Rycke Foreman & Maria Olsen Talk SLASH, a New Horror Film in Pre-Production

Free Kittens Movie Guide recently had the unique opportunity to interview two of the creative talents behind the upcoming film, Slash, writer/director Rycke Foreman and actor/producer Maria Olsen. The film is currently in pre-production and scheduled for release in 2014.

Rycke Foreman wears a lot of hats. In addition to co-founding one of the better free e-zines out there, 69 Flavors of Paranoia (with his wife, Miranda), he's written and directed several short films, including the award-winning "Auto Care." Maria Olsen has amassed a list of acting credits as long as your arm in a relatively short period of time, appearing in over 100 features and shorts since 2005.

Both were kind enough to share a few minutes to discuss their experiences in getting Slash off the ground...

Slash sounds like an interesting psychological horror film. For our readers, could you briefly describe the concept of the movie?

Rycke:  In the simplest terms, it's a coming of age story about a young man struggling to pull away from his older step-brother's hedonistic and violent-minded lifestyle.

Where did the initial idea come from, Rycke? I know you've written and published a lot of short fiction over the years. Was Slash a story first or was it always conceived as a feature film?

Rycke: Slash always struck me as a screenplay/film, since many of its components are better suited to a visual medium. Plus, many of the seeds that grew into Slash stemmed from a couple of incidents that happened during a community theatre production of Agatha Christie's The Mousetrap -- including chatting with a minor serial killer who'd come to watch the performance (and who was arrested just a very short time after that run-in).

What other films or novels in the genre would you compare it to?

Rycke: That's kind of hard to answer. I don't think there is any one film (or book) I could point to and say, "It's a lot like that one." Everybody thought I was kidding the last time I said it's somewhere between Scream, Natural Born Killers and The Breakfast Club, but that really is the best way to describe it.

I imagine it takes a lot of hard work and patience to get a project like this off the ground. Could you talk about some of the obstacles you've had to overcome to get to this point?

Rycke: Ugh! What obstacle haven't we encountered? We've been greenlit and then had the funding yanked, had more than one shady producer talk their way into our circles, shot our mouths off before we should have, had inaccurate media reports, been pressured into contracts, and, worst of all, people's true colors begin to emerge... It's like living every horrible, cliché-ridden film about the seedy side of Hollywood. In 3D. And Technicolor Smell-O-Vision. You have to develop thick skin quickly, and keep your focus on the goal ahead of you.

According to iMDB, the film is currently in pre-production, and it looks like you have an impressive cast & crew lined-up. If all goes well, when and where do you hope to start shooting? Is there anything else standing in the way?

Rycke: Until the film is in the can, there's a neverending uphill obstacle course seeded with landmines and every manor of sinkhole. They say it's a miracle that any picture gets produced, and I truly believe it now. Currently, we're set to start shooting in the last week of June.

You are using a unique method to acquire additional funding for Slash, which gives those who donate to the production an opportunity to receive Slash-related goodies, or even a walk-on part in the film. Whose idea was that and how has it worked out so far?

Rycke: That was just all of us tossing crazy ideas out and seeing what stuck. We considered what resources we had to exploit. We gleaned--sounds better than stole, right?--ideas from other crowdfunding and marketing campaigns, sought advice from notable specialists, etc. It's boring, but it's helped us cover some pre-production expenses, so we're really grateful to all our supporters!

How did you and Maria hook up to work on this project?

Rycke: We met through LinkedIn, started chatting, and things moved quickly from there. It'll be great to meet her once we're actually on set!

Rycke Foreman & friend.*

You've directed some well-received shorts prior to this. Aside from length and budget, how is working on a feature-length film been different? Are there any concerns you have, considering you're working with a bigger budget and much larger cast & crew?

Rycke: Thanks, Dave. A feature is just more, more, more--more characters, more crew, more equipment, more time to finesse the story, more time to develop character, more character arcs, more complicated character arcs, more FX--yay!--but of course that means more money, which means more pressure...

In spite of that, I feel remarkably confident moving forward. We've got a wonderful crew that's a half-Hollywood, half-indie dream team. If unexpected problems arise--and I don't think I've been on a set where they haven't--I've got some of the best minds in the biz ready to throw their brains into finding a solution. On the other hand, we've got a number of seasoned indie vets that know how to feed a crew on $1.68 and fix an 18-foot crane with bubblegum and shoestring (I lead that pack). Factor that in with top-notch actors that won't need two dozen takes to "get it right" and a budget to realize some of these crazy ideas. I'm excited. In many ways, I feel like Orson Wells*, being handed the keys to Citizen Kane. I'm definitely living my version of the American Dream.

What other films or directors that have influenced or inspired your own work?

Rycke: Spielberg's Jaws is definitely my biggest influence. I was 5 or 6 when it first came out, and it was the greatest thing I'd ever seen. My first attempts at creative writing, around age 8, were all about sharks eating boats. I've followed James Cameron and Peter Jackson from their first films, and I absolutely worship Sam Raimi's brilliant camerawork in Evil Dead 2. Argento's Susperia has some direct influence on Slash. Cronenberg. Craven. Carpenter. Coscarelli. The Four C's, haha. I draw inspiration and have great admiration for obscure filmmaker William Girdler (FKMG loves Girdler, too...well, at least Grizzly - Ed). I also have a strange affinity for weird, low-budget experimental stuff--Cory McAbee's American Astronaut, Richard Elfman's Forbidden Zone and Rinse Dream's ridiculously unique Dr. Caligari (1989; a half-assed sequel to the original Cabinet of Dr. Caligari).

Maria, you've got a pretty impressive acting resume (including roles in American Horror Story, Percy Jackson & the Olympians and Paranormal Activity 3). You've done television, mainstream & independent films and several shorts. In addition to producing, you have a major role in Slash. As someone who's been around, what are some of interesting differences between working on a major studio film and, say, an indie or short subject?

Maria:  I always say that the difference between studio and indie is whether there’s salmon on the crafty table. Seriously, studio filmmaking can be compared to the workings of a huge corporation: there’s a place for everything and everything in its place.  Everything will get done just how it has to get done, but, as with all corporations, the process is rather impersonal.  Indie filmmaking can, instead, be compared to a mom-and-pop store: cast and crew become family because there’s usually only a small group of people involved and everyone becomes very comfortable with everyone else within a very small amount of time.  Sure, the end product may not be as glam as with a huge corporate product, but it is way more personal and has its own very special charm!

Maria Olsen

Is there a particular piece of work you are the most proud of?

Maria:  I think I’m going to go with my roles in Dan Donley’s extreme horror feature, Shellter, and in Tim Curley’s fantasy adventure feature, The Mudman. Neither of these roles – and both were large supporting – had any dialog, and so I had to portray what the characters were feeling entirely through expression and body language.  I absolutely LOVE doing this – I find dialog to be a crutch that sometimes hinders instead of helps – and I love the on-screen results.

You've also done some producing. What originally prompted you to get on the other side of the camera?

Maria:  I was getting a little tired of being at the unempowered end of the producer-actor relationship so I decided to take things into my own hands and start making films – take control of my career – instead of waiting for someone to possibly make a film that I would perhaps be called in to audition for and could, maybe, book…and the rest is history!

You're doing double-duty as actor/producer for Slash. Could you describe your character in the film?

Maria:  I play Mary Kelly – and that name has MUCH significance for me as I’m also a student of the original Jack the Ripper murders – and she is the Artistic Director of the theater where some of the dastardly deeds go down.  I see her as trying to keep control as everything spirals into chaos around her…and I’m also simply in love with her action scenes at the end of the movie! Her character is also closer to mine than I had initially anticipated, which is just an added bonus…and, yes, lol, I’m being intentionally cryptic!

Please forgive me while I indulge in a bit of hero worship, but you worked on Rob Zombie's The Lords of Salem. I've always admired the guy's creativity and audacity. What was that like working on his film?

Maria:  I ADORED working on The Lords of Salem, and I can honestly say that this, so far, has been the ONLY set where I actually felt totally creeped out when I saw some of the actors in makeup… The scenes I were in were shot at one of the historical theaters in downtown Los Angeles – a stunning interior filled with guilt and gold encased in a drab grey building – and, to me, the atmosphere was electric.  It was also simply wonderful to be on set with Rob, who was NOTHING like what I expected him to be (he’s extremely low key on set) as well as one of my idols, Patricia Quinn, who I grew up watching as Magenta in The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

We here at FKMG aren't too happy with the current state of modern horror movies. The Cabin in the Woods notwithstanding, much of what is released today is either an unnecessary remake or a retread of something that's been done better before. Do you agree or disagree, and what do you think Slash brings to the table which will intrigue seasoned and curious horror fans?

Maria:  I totally agree with y’all there at FKMG as I, too, think that the only place horror is growing and thriving is in Indiewood. Slash will bring to the silver screen a combination of great story and ground-breaking 3D effects, and it’s also a re-working of the Jack the Ripper scenario that’s never been seen before.

Rycke: Studio fare has certainly been disappointing for a while, now, though there's a few noteworthy indie gems from the last decade--Andrew Traucki's The Reef & Black Water were good, Feed by Brett Leonard and quasi-anthology film The Signal were both strong, and Jake West's Doghouse was a lot of fun, if flawed. Surprisingly, horror seems to be doing much better on TV these days--quality horror like The Walking Dead, Dexter, American Horror Story and a slew of others.

Slash approaches slasher films from a whole new angle, embracing certain genre conventions while completely ignoring others. A nice side effect of concentrating on dramatic development is that it forced me to integrate the violent moments into the storyline and character development, so there's very little "violence for the sake of violence" in this film. In fact, though subtle, Slash weaves a number of anti-violent statements into the narrative.

Don't worry, though, gorehounds--Slash has a body count on par with franchise sequels, not first-in-series films. We start out in your face and then push the pedal to the metal. We don't like to flinch, either. The most important thing in my mind was to deliver an entertaining slasher flick that had a little extra depth for audiences who are more demanding. My problem with most slashers is that the good one's often skimp on the SFX, fair one's have great gore but no story, and the other 80% just suck. I plan to fix that.

And wow...I haven't even touched on our groundbreaking 3D innovations, or the odd little built-in "Easter Eggs" for Jack the Ripper and Dean Koontz fans, or the incredible cast we're lining up, or our uber-cool killer's weapon, the Thorn Ax, that co-writer Jeremy Orr came up with. (I'm really jealous that I didn't think of this thing. It's awesome!) There's a lot of reasons to check us out!

Where can people go to learn more about the ongoing production of Slash and how they can get involved?

Rycke: Just go to http://slashflick.com and look on the bottom of the home screen. That links out to all our other web and social media sites, plus our online product store, where you can pick up all kinds of merch--T-shirts, bumper stickers, key chains. I won't guarantee a full line of butcher knives soon, but you never know.

Maria: Here's what we have for you so far as far as links are concerned:

(a) link to our Indiegogo page: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/slash-when-his-fantasy-becomes-your-reality/x/4186?c=home

(b) link to our website: http://slashflick.com/

(c) link to our IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2762752/

(d) link to our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/SLASHflick

(e) link to our Zazzle store: http://www.zazzle.com/slashflick

(f) link to our Youtube channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/SlashFlick

People can get involved by investing in the film, becoming product placement partners, buying branded Slash swag to become a part of the Slash family and crewing (we’re going to be looking for a LOT of crew out of New Mexico in particular).  Anyone interested in doing anything like that can contact me at mariaolsen@ymail.com (yes Ymail) and I can pass them on to the producer in charge of whatever particular aspect it is that they want to get involved in.

Free Kittens Movie Guide thanks both of you for taking the time to share your exciting project with our readers. We wish you great success look forward to seeing Slash next year!

*NOTE ON RYCKE'S PICTURE

No, I haven't won an Oscar, but it's very special anyway. This is me with Orson Wells' Oscar. I was lucky enough to have it for a full weekend. The sad thing is, I was so paranoid that someone would find out I had it and try to steal it, it stayed hidden in my closet for most of the weekend. But my closet glowed with the aura of legendary brilliance for nearly 72 hours, and I was indeed INSPIRED!!!