VAULT OF HORROR and a Case of Deja Vu

This essay originally appeared in the book, Strange Blood: 71 Essays on Offbeat and Underrated Vampire Movies.

VAULT OF HORROR (1973)

Starring Daniel Massey, Terry-Thomas, Curd Jurgens, Michael Craig, Tom Baker, Anna Massey, Glynis Johns, Dawn Addams. Directed by Roy Ward Baker. (83 min)

Essay by D.M. ANDERSON💀

Ever since being blown away by Reservoir Dogs back in 1992, I've been a huge Quentin Tarantino fan. While he's not the world's most prolific director, I've loved nearly every film he's made, my favorite being Pulp Fiction. In my humble opinion, it is the second greatest film of all time, right behind Jaws (nothing will ever top that one, folks).

I think most fans would concur that one constant in Tarantino's entire body of work would have to be his penchant for engaging in thievery. Without getting into specifics, he's made a career out of paying homage to - and borrowing liberally from - his favorite films, directors and genres, repackaging them with hip dialogue, cool characters and obscure pop culture references. In the process, he's made a series of films that manage to appeal to cinephiles who normally wouldn't be caught dead watching an exploitation film. It's almost impossible to view any Tarantino film without experiencing a sense of deja vu. But in his defense, he's almost always given credit where it's due and worn his influences proudly.

That being said, I felt similar deja vu halfway through From Dusk 'Tll Dawn. Though directed by Robert Rodriguez, the story and screenplay is pure Tarantino, particularly the first half, with George Clooney and Quentin himself playing the Gecko brothers, two brutal bank robbers who take a family hostage on their way to the Mexican border. They're supposed to meet their contact at a remote strip club - the Titty Twister - at dawn. But in the most abrupt narrative shift in movie history, the place turns out to be a haven for vampires.

Sitting in the theater with my wife, I remember thinking this turn of events seemed awfully familiar. Not to take anything away from the movie itself; From Dusk 'Till Dawn is the best Tarantino film he didn't actually direct...smart, funny, sexy, bloody as hell and brimming with his inimitable brand of quotable dialogue. Still, I was sure I'd seen something very much like this before, a fuzzy childhood memory of a guy who wanders into a restaurant without realizing he's the main course. I remembered being scared enough to fire-up my trusty ol' night-light before going to bed, but for the life of me, I couldn't recall what movie it was, if indeed it was a movie at all.

Hammertime.

Fast-forward a few years, when I was looking to expand my DVD collection by digging through a Wal-Mart budget bin. Even today, you can occasionally find some great stuff there, and on this particular trip, I came across an old childhood favorite, 1972's Tales from the Crypt, packaged as a double-feature with Vault of Horror, which I'd never heard of.

Tales from the Crypt is a British film from Amicus Productions. Founded by American producers Milton Subotsky and Max Rosenberg, the studio was Hammer Films' main rival during the 60s and 70s, churning out dozens of similarly-styled horror films (and keeping directors like Freddie Francis & Roy Ward Baker gainfully employed). Though they dabbled in several sci-fi and horror subgenres, Amicus' specialty was anthology films consisting of thematically-similar shorter pieces linked by a framing story and featuring a variety of well-known British actors. 

 

The stories in both Tales from the Crypt and Vault of Horror are pulled, of course, from William M. Gaines' legendary - and controversial - horror comics of the 1950. Most of them are supernatural tales of revenge and karmic retribution, with unsavory main characters who generally get exactly what's coming to them: violent and ironic demise. As such, both movies serve up generous amounts of black humor to go along with the horror

.

Aesthetically, these two films are undoubtedly products of their time, but the stories still hold up pretty well. Watching Tales from the Crypt all these years later, what once disturbed me was now a fond, fun trip down memory lane. And as it turned out, so was Vault of Horror. 

 

I had seen this movie before.

With the same anthology format and source material, Vault of Horror is generally considered a sequel to Tales from the Crypt (in some regions, it was even released as Tales from the Crypt II or Further Tales from the Crypt). The linking story has five strangers who enter an elevator, which descends and lets them off in what appears to be a gentlemen's club. As the doors close behind them, one man notices there's no outside button to retrieve the elevator. The only ones in the room, they settle around a table and eventually take turns sharing their recurring nightmares with the others. These dreams comprise the stories, which of course are not dreams at all, but the unpleasant ways each man met his untimely - though mostly deserved - demise.

The first and shortest story, "Midnight Mess," is also the most effective. Harold (Daniel Massey) is a greedy heir to a family fortune that he doesn't want to share with his estranged sister, Donna (Anna Massey, Daniel's real-life sibling). After killing the detective he hired to locate her, Harold heads to the village where she's living in order to kill her, too. It's a small, eerily quiet town, the streets nearly devoid of human activity. When Harold arrives and stops by a nearby restaurant, the waiter informs him they are closed, even though it's still early evening. 

 

Harold arrives at Donna's door. After she reluctantly lets him in, Harold slams her against a wall and drives a dagger into her heart. Nefarious mission apparently accomplished, he quickly leaves. It's dark now, and the restaurant that wouldn't serve him earlier is now open and filled with customers. He ventures back over, where he is promptly seated. Without being offered a menu, the waiter brings the first course, a 'soup' which Harold finds repulsive. When the waiter asks how he would like his main course - roasted blood clots - Harold realizes the stuff in his bowl isn't soup. The other patrons all turn to stare at him. Harold nervously stands, and in the entire film's most chilling scene, notices that his is the only reflection in the dining room's wall-sized mirror. The restaurant is filled with vampires, one of which is Donna, who appears to be the ringleader. The segment ends with everyone helping themselves to his blood by tapping his jugular with a wine dispenser.

Bob Ross...the acid years.

Watching the segment with more jaded eyes, I enjoyed the delicious black humor that was lost on me as a kid, too terrified at the idea of an ravenous vampire horde to concern myself with the inherent ridiculousness of the climax. I was also able to scratch an itch that had been tormenting me for a long time: So that's where I'd seen From Dusk 'Till Dawn's story before.

There are significant differences between the two films. The initial undead assault in From Dusk 'till Dawn comes out of the blue, changing the entire tone on a dime and essentially turning it into two movies: the hip Tarantino crime story, followed by Robert Rodriguez' over-the-top action and bloodletting (the film might even be seen as a precursor to the their next collaboration, Grindhouse). The "Midnight Mess" segment in Vault of Horror applies some ominous foreshadowing that something's not quite right with the setting, building a bit of anticipatory dread. But ironically, it's the Gecko Brothers who are armed and ready, while Harold is the one who's ill-prepared and caught completely off-guard.

 

But the basic story is the same: Main characters who commit despicable acts, and just when they think they've gotten away scot-free, they stumble into an outwardly benevolent place that appears to be safe...at least until it's feeding time.

The remaining segments in Vault of Horror aren't nearly as clever or amusing, and the movie as-a-whole pales in comparison to Amicus' Tales from the Crypt. "Midnight Mess" makes it worth checking out, though, offering an amusingly twisted take on classic vampire conventions. And considering Quentin Tarantino's ongoing reverence for cinema of the 70s, perhaps it once provided a bit of inspiration.

BLOOD ON THE MOON: Robert F**king Mitchum!

BLOOD ON THE MOON (1948)

Starring Robert F**king Mitchum, Barbara Bel Geddes, Robert Preston, Walter Brennan, Phyllis Thaxter, Frank Faylen. Directed by Robert Wise. (88 min)

ON BLU-RAY FROM

WARNER ARCHIVE COLLECTION

Review by Mr. Paws😸

We all need a little more Robert Mitchum in our lives. As classic tough guys go, only McQueen and Bogart were cooler.

He’d already been in dozens of movies prior to Blood on the Moon, mostly in supporting roles and often billed as Bob Mitchum. As the parts grew bigger, so did his name and once Out of the Past was unleashed, he was bestowed the official title of Robert F**king Mitchum, the unflappable man’s-man who kicked ass and melted hearts, despite looking like an auto mechanic who always showed up for work hungover. 

As for Robert F**king Mitchum on a horse and brandishing a six iron...just hook that shit up to my veins. 

He’s in full Robert F**king Mitchum mode in Blood on the Moon as Jim Garry, a hired gun recruited by old buddy Tate Riling (Robert Preston), to help keep local baron John Lufton (Tom Tully) from bringing his herd home, which would supposedly affect local land owners. But Garry learns Riling is actually planning to swindle Lufton: With nowhere to take his cattle, Riling will offer to buy it cheap, then resell it at a higher price. After getting to know the Lufton family – particularly Tom’s feisty daughter, Amy (Barbara Bel Geddes) – Garry questions which side he’s on, especially once some of the local ranchers start dying.

"So...what's the F stand for, stranger?"

It isn’t a particularly original story, nor does it sound all that interesting on paper. However, this is another movie where skillful direction (by Robert Wise) and fine performances keep it crackling. I mostly knew Preston from sunnier roles like The Music Man, but he actually did a lot of westerns early-on and makes an effective villain. Perpetual cowpoke Walter Brennan is on-hand as a sympathetic rancher-turned-cohort out to avenge his son’s death. However, the movie belongs to Robert F**king Mitchum, who Robert-F**king-Mitchums as only Robert F**king Mitchum can.

He’d go on to bigger things, of course, redefining antiheroes and creating a few of Hollywood’s greatest villains. But he had already become Robert F**king Mitchum long before that, Blood on the Moon being a great early example. Though the film itself may not be considered a classic, his performance certainly is.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.

HEROES and EDDIE MACON’S RUN: Escape from the Boob Tube

HEROES (1977)

Starring Henry Winkler, Sally Field, Harrison Ford, Val Avery. Directed by Jeremy Paul Kagan. (113 min)

EDDIE MACON’S RUN (1983)

Starring Kirk Douglas, John Schneider, Lee Purcell, Leah Ayres. Directed by Jeff Kanew. (95 min)

ON BLU-RAY FROM MILL CREEK ENTERTAINMENT

Review by Stinky the Destroyer😼

On Blu-ray for the first time, Heroes and Eddie Macon’s Run feature a couple of TV icons trying to make the time-honored jump to big screen stardom. It didn’t quite work out that way for either and both of these films have since fallen into relative obscurity. However, it’s kind-of interesting to revisit them now, ironically because of the supporting casts.

Heroes has Henry Winkler shedding his Fonzie persona to play Jack, an unstable Vietnam veteran on a cross-country trek to start a worm farm with his old war buddies. With Sally Field in-tow as the love interest he meets along the way, it’s an unassuming, seriocomic road movie that moves in fits and starts. But the real interest is Harrison Ford in a supporting role as Jack’s car-racing pal (prompting the film’s most improbable moment). Heroes was made before Star Wars but released afterwards, so Ford doesn’t have nearly as much screen time as the billing suggests. Still, it’s an amusing early performance.

One jumped the shark, the other nuked the fridge.

Typical of the era, John Schneider was another guy who to tried to do it all back then...TV, movies and music. He does double duty in Eddie Macon’s Run, first as the title character, then warbling a couple o’ sappy country ballads for the soundtrack. Eddie’s an escaped convict trying to reunite with his wife and son while Detective Marzack (Kirk Douglas) chases him down...again (through flashbacks, we learn these two have a history together). Schneider, of course, doesn’t hold a candle to Douglas in the charisma department, which is why the film is best when the latter’s on-screen. Eddie Macon’s Run may be too episodic and silly for its own good, but Douglas is always a joy to watch (even when he’s slumming).

A romantic evening with Mr. Douglas.

Then there’s the added bonus of spotting a plethora of now-familiar character actors in bit parts, such as John Goodman, J.T. Walsh, Dann Florek, Mark Margolis, Tom Noonan J.C. Quinn and Jay O. Sanders. Some are uncredited, others almost unrecognizable, but all of them manage to out-perform Schneider, who simply never had what it took to carry an entire film on his own.

Both titles are little more than Hollywood footnotes today, largely forgotten attempts to make movie stars out of two guys whose talents were better-suited for television. Still, the supporting casts make each worth checking out. After all, everyone had to start somewhere.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD. LIKE CAT CHOW.

Rest in Peace, Brian Dennehy

Brian Dennehy (1938-2020)

THE POOP SCOOP: Classic Terrors Edition

CREEPSHOW Season 1 on Digital HD, DVD & Blu-ray 6/2

The six-episode season of the horror/comedy from showrunner Greg Nicotero (“The Walking Dead”) stars Tobin Bell (Saw franchise), Adrienne Barbeau (Escape From New York), Giancarlo Esposito (“Breaking Bad”), Cailey Fleming (“The Walking Dead”), Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator), Scott 'Kid Cudi' Mescudi (Bill & Ted Face the Music), DJ Qualls (“The Man in the High Castle”), Bruce Davison (X-Men), David Arquette (Scream franchise), Dana Gould (“Stan Against Evil”), and Tricia Helfer (“Battlestar Galactica”). CREEPSHOW Season 1, the new anthology series based on George A. Romero’s 1982 horror comedy classic, is still the most fun you’ll ever have being scared! A comic book comes to life in a series of twelve vignettes over six episodes, exploring terrors from murder to the supernatural and unexplainable. Haunted dollhouses, werewolves, murderous goblins, villainous trick-or-treaters, the dead, and medical marvels are just a few of the things to watch out for in this new series. You never know what will be on the next page...

VISIT CRITERION

The Original WAR OF THE WORLDS Coming 7/7 from Criterion Collection

In the expert hands of genre specialists George Pal and Byron Haskin, H. G. Wells’s end-of-civilization classic receives a chilling Cold War–era update, complete with hallucinatory Technicolor and visionary, Oscar-winning special effects. Emblazoned with iconographic images of 1950s science fiction, The War of the Worlds is both an influential triumph of visual imagination and a still-disquieting document of the wonder and terror of the atomic age. BLU-RAY SPECIAL EDITION FEATURES • New 4K digital restoration, with uncompressed monaural soundtrack • New alternate 5.1 surround soundtrack, created by sound designer Ben Burtt and presented in DTS-HD Master Audio • Audio commentary from 2005 featuring filmmaker Joe Dante, film historian Bob Burns, and author Bill Warren • Movie Archaeologists, a new program on the visual and sound effects in the film featuring Burtt and film historian Craig Barron • From the Archive, a new program about the film’s restoration featuring Barron, Burtt, and Paramount Pictures archivist Andrea Kalas • Audio interview with producer George Pal from 1970 • The Sky Is Falling, a 2005 documentary about the making of the film • The Mercury Theatre on the Air radio adaptation of The War of the Worlds from 1938, directed and narrated by Orson Welles • Radio program from 1940 featuring a discussion between Welles and H. G. Wells, author of the 1897 novel The War of the Worlds • Trailer • English subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing • PLUS: An essay by film critic J. Hoberman.

 

JAWS (a.k.a. the best movie ever) on 4K Blu-ray 6/2

Universal Pictures Home Entertainment will celebrate the 45th anniversary of Steven Spielberg's Jaws with a brand new 4K Blu-ray release of the film, which will be available for purchase on June 2. When a young woman is killed by a shark while skinny-dipping near the New England tourist town of Amity Island, police chief Martin Brody (Roy Scheider) wants to close the beaches, but mayor Larry Vaughn (Murray Hamilton) overrules him, fearing that the loss of tourist revenue will cripple the town. Ichthyologist Matt Hooper (Richard Dreyfuss) and grizzled ship captain Quint (Robert Shaw) offer to help Brody capture the killer beast, and the trio engage in an epic battle of man vs. nature.

IP MAN 4: THE FINALE...Probably

IP MAN 4: THE FINALE (2019)

Starring Donnie Yen, Wu Yue, Vanness Wu, Scott Adkins, Kent Cheng, Danny Chan, Vanda Margraf, Chris Collins, Jim Liu. Directed by Wilson Yip. (106 min)

ON BLU-RAY FROM WELL GO USA

Review by Tiger the Terrible😸

In the past, Donnie Yen has said previous Ip Man sequels would be the last. He’s also saying it about Ip Man 4, and considering the subtitle, he might mean it this time. On the other hand, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter was followed by six more films, so never say never.

But unlike other franchises that don’t know when to quit, the Ip Man films have all been solid, entertaining films with impeccable action sequences and engaging characters, including the recent spin-off, Master Z: The Ip Man Legacy. There’s supposedly a sequel to that one in the works – like I said, never say never – but if Ip Man 4 indeed ends up being the last film in the franchise, it’s going out on a high note.

This one has a plot that’s all over the map, but in a nutshell, Ip Man (Yen) has inoperable cancer, so he travels to San Francisco to find a suitable boarding school for his troubled teenage son. However, he must have approval from the Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association, which he doesn’t initially get because the chairman, Wan Zong-hua (Wu Yue) resents how Ip’s most famous pupil, Bruce Lee (Danny Chan), has “Americanized” martial arts.

Meanwhile, Wan’s daughter, Tonah (Vanda Margraf), defends herself from a local bully and is ultimately rescued by Ip. The conflict escalates when the bully’s father, Andrew Walters – an INS officer – seeks to deport everyone in the Benevolent Association.

Donnie practices social distancing.

While all that’s going on, one of Lee’s students, Marine staff sergeant Hartman Wu (Vanness Wu), runs afoul of his jingoist commander, Sergeant Geddes (Scott Adkins), by trying to include martial arts in military training. Geddes retaliates by having his own karate champion not-only kick Wu’s ass, but take a team into Chinatown to beat-down everyone in the Benevolent Association (yes, Geddes is in kahoots with Walters).

When all these concurrent conflicts converge, it’s Ip Man to the rescue. Some of these situations verge on ridiculous, as is the character of Geddes (played with over-the-top aplomb by Adkins). But overall, the movie is undeniably fun and loaded with incredible fight scenes. Yen is his own special effect and, despite being 56, his physical skills remain jawdropping. And once again, he soars above most of his peers because he also happens to be a terrific actor. When he isn’t snapping limbs, Yen makes Ip Man someone we care about.

The film ends on a poignant note that’ll likely tug the hearts of anyone who’s enjoyed the franchise. And if it is truly the final chapter – certainly the last to feature Donnie Yen – Ip Man 4: The Finale is a satisfying, action-packed conclusion to the entire saga.

EXTRA KIBBLES

3 PROMOTIONAL FEATURETTES

TRAILER

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.

Mr. Biscuits' ADVENTURES IN THE BUDGET BIN: Kitten Klassics Edition

For Mr. Biscuits, it’s the thrill of the hunt...digging for discounts wherever they may be. Sure, you could order from Amazon or spend your hard-earned kibbles on something already used, but what’s the fun in that? So if you’re a movie collector on a tight budget, let Mr. Biscuits’ show you some of his latest bargains. And worry-not, kitties...we stalked and snatched these goodies before the current apocalypse.

DORIS DAY AND ROCK HUDSON ROMANTIC COMEDY COLLECTION (Blu-ray) – When I was a kid, my little sister used to watch these things when our local TV channel aired them on weekends. Though romantic comedies weren't my genre of choice, I have to admit I got sucked into Send Me No Flowers. Even today, it’s a very funny film, as is Pillow Talk. Seconds notwithstanding, Rock Hudson was never considered a dynamic actor, but the chemistry he shared with Doris Day was undeniable. This set collects the three films they did together, including Lover Come Back. ($5.00 at Big Lots).

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD (Blu-ray) – Like many of you, I was forced to read the book in high school. Though it was better than I expected, reading wasn’t my favorite activity. Had home video been a thing back then, I would have rented the movie instead. I'd have aced the final, too, because the film is remarkably faithful to the novel. The film still holds up today and features one of Gregory Peck’s best performances...at-least until his child-stabbing escapades in The Omen. ($5.00 at Big Lots).

SOME LIKE IT HOT (Blu-ray) – Monroe at her most beautiful, Lemmon and Curtis at their funniest. For five bucks, I don’t see how anyone can pass this one up. Like The Thin Man, this classic isn’t just funny for its time. Some Like it Hot is one of the funniest films of any decade...and “get a load of that rhythm section!” ($5.00 at Big Lots).

The Bare Necessities of ACTION OF THE TIGER

ACTION OF THE TIGER (1957) 

Starring Van Johnson, Martine Carol, Herbert Lom, Gustavo Rojo, Jose Hieto, Helen Haye, Sean Connery. Directed by Terence Young. (93 min) 

ON BLU-RAY FROM 

WARNER ARCHIVE COLLECTION 

Review by Mr. Paws😼 

Hey! Isn’t that a young Sean Connery as a hairy, lecherous drunk trying to tear off Martine Carol’s top and have his way with her?

And isn’t that Herbert Lom, who not-only steals the entire movie as a bandit who amusingly refers to himself in the third person, but also puts his grimy paws all over Martine and won’t take no for an answer?

And speaking of Martine, are those her boobs I just saw in a major studio film...from 1957?

The answer is yes, yes and yes, which makes Action of the Tiger an interesting little curiosity. The film itself is no great shakes, but it’s kind of amusing to see Sean Connery pop up in a small role – one of his first – playing such a scumbag (though he’s a heroic sidekick!). His character is sort-of the antithesis of those which established him as a dashing leading man just a few years later.

Then there’s Herbert Lom, far-removed from his typical serious roles or playing straight-man to Peter Sellers. Here, he’s the closest thing the film has to comic relief and looks to be having a lot of fun hamming it up as Trifon, the cocky, self-proclaimed captain of his “army” who lusts after Martine.

"Forget it, lady. He's mine."

But despite a miscast Van Johnson in the lead role, it’s French sexpot Martine Carol who commands most of our attention. She plays Tracy, who hires an American smuggler (Johnson) to take her across the Albania border in order to rescue her brother, Henri, a political prisoner. It’s not a particularly riveting journey, nor do Johnson and Carol display much chemistry together. Still, she’s statuesque and sexy, which director Terence Young exploits at every given opportunity, including a scene where she emerges from the water fully nude after a morning swim.

Some of you who recall the film might be ready to retort, “You’re wrong! Surely I’d remember seeing the lovely Ms. Carol au naturel!” And indeed you would...if you saw the version that was released in Europe. But in the fifties, breasts were known to cause blindness in American males, so Hollywood did their civic duty by replacing the scene with one where Carol wears a bathing suit. Fortunately for us, this disc features the European cut, naughty bits intact.

Without these points of interest, Action of the Tiger would be just another forgettable adventure film, a generic variation of The African Queen. Johnson’s definitely no Bogart, but you knew that already. Carol’s no Hepburn, either, but it’s easier to accept her comparatively-limited range in light of other, uh, assets. Throwing in atypical performances by Connery and Lom simply ups the curiosity factor, ultimately making the film worth checking out.

EXTRA KIBBLES

TRAILER

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD. LIKE CAT CHOW.

Another INFECTION

INFECTION (2019)

Starring Ruben Guevara, Leonidas Urbina, Genna Chanelle Hayes, Magdiel Gonzalez, Luca de Lima, Ronnie Nordenflycht. Directed by Flavio Pedota. (97 min)

ON DVD FROM DARK SKY FILMS

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat😼

There are the slow, lumbering zombies like those unleashed by George A. Romero. You can easily outrun one or brain it with an ax, but once they number in the millions, you’re pretty much screwed.

Then you’ve got the screeching, bug-eyed sprinters like those popularized by Danny Boyle (though Dan O’Bannon did it first). What they lack in numbers is compensated by speed, agility and viciousness. So if you don’t keep that waistline trim with diet & exercise, you’re equally screwed.

Writer-director Flavio Pedota prefers the latter and Infection draws a lot of obvious inspiration from Boyle’s 28 Days Later. Like that film, his monsters aren’t zombies in the traditional sense. They’re infected with a virus which turns them rabid, ravenous and, of course, faster than Carl Lewis. As the infection rapidly spreads throughout Venezuela, widowed dad Dr. Adam Vargas (Ruben Guevara) makes a perilous trek to save his son, who’s visiting his grandparents. Meanwhile, a few other researchers - desperate to combat the epidemic - require Adam's help, though he's understandably preoccupied.

Extreme doorbell ditching.

Infection wins no points for originality, but it’s well-assembled and chugs along at a brisk pace. And while there aren’t too many narrative surprises, Pedota manages to create some genuine tension with a few suspenseful set-pieces. I was especially impressed with the disturbing opening scene, where the virus appears to be started by needle-sharing junkies. Had the rest of the film maintained the same level grungy intensity, it’d be a wonderfully nerve-wracking experience.

Instead, Infection is simply a proficient sum of its influences, making the most of its budget and anchored by a sympathetic performance from Guevara. Ultimately unmemorable, it’s still entertaining enough in-the-moment for those who prefer zombies with a spring in their step.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

NOT BAD. LIKE CAT CHOW.

V - THE FINAL BATTLE: More Jane for Your Buck

V – THE FINAL BATTLE (1984)

Starring Marc Singer, Faye Grant, Jane Badler (mee-ow!), Michael Ironside, Richard Herd, Andrew Prine, Sarah Douglas, Robert Englund, Michael Durrell. Directed by Richard T. Heffron. (267 min)

ON BLU-RAY FROM

WARNER ARCHIVE COLLECTION

Review by Stinky the Destroyer

V: The Final Battle is exactly what I thought the first one was going to be.

Looking beyond its ‘80s aesthetic, the original miniseries remains a surprisingly dark, thinly-disguised parable of allied resistance to Nazi fascism, which was apparently obvious even in 1983, but since I never paid attention in history class, that shit sailed right over my head at the time. Additionally, how the story depicts the Visitors using our own media to spread fear-mongering propaganda and vilify scientists renders it alarmingly relevant four decades later.

Conversely, V: The Final Battle eschews the historical allegory and social commentary for a pulpier approach, with plenty of melodrama and pew-pew-pew action. Flashier, vampier and just a bit campier, this three-part sequel may not be as high-minded, but it’s unapologetic fun. This was also when I developed big crush on Jane Badler back then, who was underused in the original, but since-promoted to primary antagonist and resident sexpot.

See Jane smolder.

While the rest of the original cast returns as well, The Final Battle’s MVP is undoubtedly the great Michael Ironside as Ham Tyler, a mercenary who joins the Resistance. He’s always been one of those guys that has a knack for making any movie or TV show just a little bit better and his indubitable brand of badassery gives this one a welcome adrenaline boost, something comparatively-bland leading man Marc Singer is incapable of.

Edward G. Robinson...green with envy.

The Final Battle picks up where the first story left off, with the Resistance taking bolder steps to combat the alien intruders. A few new wrinkles are added, the most notable – and goofiest – being the arrival of an alien-human child, who ultimately serves as a lazy red herring during the supremely silly climax. Until then, the performances and special effects may run hot and cold, but the story is compulsively watchable and very entertaining.

Following V: The Final Battle was a weekly series that ran the concept into the ground within a single season. Despite the entire cast returning and the lovely Ms. Badler now in full pin-up mode, the premise simply didn’t lend itself to longevity. But all you really need are this and the original miniseries (released on Blu-ray by Warner Archive last year). Both were television events in the ‘80s and are still enjoyable now. 

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.