THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT (4K) and the Great Dog Monologue

THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT (4K UHD)

1996 / 120 min

From Arrow Video

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Brain Smasher😺

If nothing else, The Long Kiss Goodnight features the greatest inspirational speech ever given in a film. Brian Cox’s character, Dr. Nathan Waldman, is sitting at the dining table with his wife and dog, the latter of which is bathing himself. It’s during this scene that Nathan says to his wife:

“He’s been licking his asshole for the last three straight hours. I submit to you that there’s nothing there worth more than an hour’s attention. I should think whatever he is attempting to dislodge is either gone for good, or there to stay. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Those lines come courtesy of screenwriter Shane Black, and if he never typed another word afterwards, he more-than-earned a place among the pantheon of legendary Hollywood writers. As for the rest of the movie…most of it faded from my memory over the years, though I do remember enjoying it. Back then, director Renny Harlin was still cranking out solid action films, Genna Davis was still an adorable A-lister and Samuel L. Jackson was still Samuel Motherf**king Jackson (then again, he's always been Samuel Motherf**king Jackson, hasn’t he?).

Married to Davis at the time, Harlin tried turning her into an action heroine, first with the historically disastrous Cutthroat Island, followed by this. Though a much better film, it did little for either of their careers. Davis went into the Stuart Little business, while hubby Harlin had one last decent movie in him (Deep Blue Sea) before descending into mediocrity. So as a power couple, The Long Kiss Goodnight could be seen as their legacy. And like a lot of movies written (and sometimes directed) by Shane Black, it developed something of a cult following thanks to home video.

The greatest speech...ever.

This 4K disc is the first time I’ve sat down to watch the movie in at least two decades. The story of amnesiac suburban mom Samantha Caine (Davis) slowly realizing she was once a government assassin named Charlie Baltimore is a solid foundation to build an action flick, albeit a familiar one. But it’s ultimately Black’s witty screenplay that makes it crackle, especially when heard through co-stars Samuel Motherf**king Jackson and Brian Cox, both who steal the movie right from under Davis’ nose. Elsewhere, there’s plenty of the usual kaboom, but like Black’s The Last Boy Scout, the dialogue is the movie’s most memorable aspect.

And you know what? Almost 30 years later, I still laughed my ass off during Cox’s tirade about his anally-obsessed pooch. In fact, I rewatched that scene twice. 

Speaking of rewatching, fans of The Long Kiss Goodnight will certainly enjoy revisiting it in 4K. I’ve never seen the film on DVD or Blu-ray, so I can’t draw any upgrade comparisons, but the picture and sound here are both excellent. Additionally, Arrow Video has thrown in a big batch of new bonus features, along with a few older ones.

EXTRA KIBBLES

NOTE: Free Kittens Movie Guide was provided with a promo disc for review purposes. Physical supplemental material included with the final product (booklets, artwork, inserts, etc) were not available for review.

NEW INTERVIEWS - Symphony of Destruction features stunt coordinator Steven Davdson (not Dave Mustaine); Long Live the New Flesh features make-up artist Gordon J. Smith (not David Cronenberg); Girl Interrupted features actress Yvonne Zima, who played Samantha’s eight-year-old daughter (not Angelina Jolie).

3 VISUAL ESSAYS - Amnesia Chick is by film scholar Josh Nelson, who discusses a long line of films with amnesiac protagonists; The Mirror Crack’d is by Howard S. Berger (not Agatha Christie); A Woman’s World is by author & film critic Alexandra Heller-Nicholas.

2 AUDIO COMMENTARIES - 1) By critic Walter Chaw; 2) By Bloodhaus podcasters Drusilla Adeline and Joshua Conkel.

ARCHIVE INTERVIEWS - Featuring director Renny Harlin, actors Geena Davis, Samuel Motherf**king Jackson and Craig Bierko (whatever happened to that guy?)

MAKING-OF FEATURETTE

BEHIND-THE-SCENES EPK

DELETED SCENES

IMAGE GALLERY

TRAILER

PROJECT SILENCE: Who Let The Dogs Out?

PROJECT SILENCE (Blu-ray)

2023 / 96 min

From Capelight/Dark Sky Films

Review by Princess Pepper😺

Another hybrid genre film, South Korea’s Project Silence combines elements of disaster, science-fiction and killer critters for a crazy concoction that’s both thrilling and funny, providing you’re open to what it throws at you. 

The government has been experimenting with a batch of dogs, implanting them with chips so they can be programmed to attack whatever target they choose. After the project is abandoned, the dogs are transported in an armored truck to be destroyed. But when there’s a massive multi-car pile-up on a highway bridge, the dogs get loose, led by Echo 9 (E9), the pack’s ‘mother’ since the other dogs were cloned from her. Doctor Yang (Kim Hee-win), the scientist in charge, tries to reign them in, but loses the laptop he uses to control them.

With the bridge threatening to collapse, hundreds of motorists are trapped, including Cha Jung-won (Lee Sun-Kyun, RIP) and his estranged daughter. He’s the chief aide to a presidential hopeful and, for most of the film, kind of a dick. The incident would apparently threaten his boss's election chances, so Che spends a lot of the time on the radio trying to cover it up…even as the dogs are killing people left and right. True to disaster movie tradition, there are subplots featuring secondary characters, the most amusing being opportunistic tow-truck driver Joe Park (Ju Ji-hoon, who steals the every scene he’s in).

Not having exact change can sometimes be tragic.

It’s a ridiculous premise, but I suspect director/co-writer Kim Tae-con knew that long before we come to the same conclusion. When done right, throwing caution to the wind can yield great results. As such, Project Silence is goofy good time in the vein of 2022’s Project Wolf Hunting (though not nearly as gory). Wildly plotted, these dogs certainly have their day, displaying agility, intelligence and indestructibility that only CGI pooches are capable of. Still, the narrative does manage to render E9 somewhat sympathetic. The same can be said for Chu, who eventually emerges from his douchebaggery once he learns the particulars of the experiment.

None of Project Silence comes across as remotely plausible, but it’s one of those genre mash-ups that’s more fun to play along with than scrutinize. Both intentionally and unintentionally humorous, it’s a fast-paced film that boasts wild action scenes, engaging characters and good overall performances.