IT'S ALIVE and the Miracle of Birth

Starring John P. Ryan, Andrew Duggan, Sharon Farrell, Guy Stockwell, James Dixon, Michael Ansara, William Wellman Jr. Directed by Larry Cohen. (1974/91 min).

Essay by D.M. ANDERSON

Man, I was born twenty years too late. Had I met my wife and knocked her up back in 1974, I'd have been spared the grotesque reality of childbirth.

Don't get me wrong...I love my children more than life itself and am ultimately glad I was there when they arrived. But when my first daughter popped out from between the stirrups with her squishy, misshapen skull, unseeing eyes rolling in their sockets and body covered in gelatinous goop, my first thought was whatthefuckisthat?!? For a brief second, she reminded me of that mutated monster from It's Alive. On the plus side, at least she didn't kill everyone in the delivery room.

I always thought Larry Cohen was an interesting filmmaker. He's been around a long time and worked in many genres, but mostly specializes in schlocky, low-budget horror movies. A majority of them aren't any good (he seems to have no sense of pacing and his pictures are often terribly edited), but the ones that work, such as Q - The Winged Serpent, show a writer/director trying like hell to make more than just another monster movie. Yeah, he knows he's making junk, but it's often quirky, imaginative junk with subtly satiric touches and casts better than material like this usually deserves. His cult classic, It's Alive, is another one of those.

The Davis family (John Ryan & Sharon Farrell) are expecting a second child. When the moment arrives, they happily drive to the hospital for the delivery. Frank Davis remains in the waiting room with other anxious fathers, smoking cigarettes and socializing. This scene dates the movie far worse than the god-awful leisure suits Ryan is forced to wear (or the fact he's smoking in a hospital). Unless an expectant father is also expecting an immediate divorce, absolutely no husband in this day and age would fucking dare to kick-back in the waiting room while the wife purges his handiwork. We're expected to be there from the moment the water breaks until the cutting of the cord. Since we're half the reason she's now forced to push a bowling ball through a garden hose, I suppose that's fair.

Beige polyester...a common problem among men in the 70s.

Still, whole concept of being there to witness the miracle of childbirth is a tad romanticized. Short of repeatedly watching the chestbursting scene in Alien, there's just no preparing for it. My wife insisted we take Lamaze classes, where we watched horrifying videos of other couples giving birth, an experience that was absolutely butt-puckering: gobs of weird shit squirting from both pelvic orifices before junior even makes an appearance, and women screeching like the pod people from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. 

We were taught breathing and coaching techniques as well, but all that training flew out the window when it was my wife's turn. And as graphic as those Lamaze videos were, they were inadequate in preparing me for the real thing. My wife is the love of my life, beautiful inside and outside. But about halfway through this 12-hour ordeal, she looked like a heroin addict suffering from the DT's. 

When Natalie finally emerged, her head resembled an elongated, snot-coated Liberty Bell, the result of the doctor using some kind of weird plunger to pull her out. I was horrified, ready to sue the entire staff's asses off for mangling my child. A nurse promptly assured me that, since their skull bones aren't yet fused to at birth, babies often emerge from the womb with funny-looking craniums (my second daughter's head resembled a boomerang).

Afterwards, Francie didn't have the radiant glow of motherhood. Holding our first child, she looked more like she just went ten rounds with Connor McGregor. As for Natalie...her head quickly returned to normal almost as quickly as a stress-ball, but her unfocused eyes kept randomly rolling around in her skull like a malfunctioning Disneyland animatronic. 

And she only came in to have a boil removed.

Fortunately for him, Frank Davis wasn't subjected to any of that horror, though an intern does spill out of the delivery room with his face torn to shreds. Frank runs in to find the hospital staff slaughtered and his wife, Lenore, screaming in her stirrups (the scene is actually pretty intense for a PG-rated movie). It turns out they've given birth to a mutant monster, which has escaped the hospital and is now running loose in Los Angeles. Natalie never did that, even after she got her driver's license. 

Police follow the trail of dead bodies in search of this butt-ugly urchin, while Frank and Lenore try to come-to-grips with the fact they'll have a tough time ever finding a babysitter. The media hounds them, Frank loses his job, Lenore Davis grows increasingly distraught - and eventually protective of this baby (yeah, it's a monster, but she's still its mother). An embittered Frank is initially as gung-ho as the police to kill the thing, especially since it's trying to find its way home.

I remember the TV spots for the movie when I was a kid...the camera slowly panning around a cradle to reveal a misshapen claw hanging out, with an ominous voice-over intoning, “There's only one thing wrong with the Davis baby... it's alive. Don't see it alone...please.” That trailer is scarier than anything in the film itself, which is typical low-budget Cohen...clumsily-shot, erratically-paced and atrociously edited. 

"BINKY!"

But there's a bit more at-work in It's Alive than cheesy thrills. Cohen seems to have something to say about the nature of parenthood, as well as the use of fertility drugs (though the latter isn't adequately explored). Also rising above the schlock is a remarkably earnest performance by Ryan (much like Michael Moriarity would do in Cohen's Q). Ryan is probably best known for his manic turn in Runaway Train, where he played a sadistic prison warden. The guy has always reminded me of a car salesman or shoe-sniffing pervert. Here, he appropriately displays slow-burning intensity. When he confronts his “son” for the first time, Ryan does a tremendous about-face, simultaneously conveying disgust, remorse and empathy. For a Larry Cohen film, it's an uncharacteristically poignant moment.

 

As for the baby itself...we seldom get a clear look at it, which is probably a good thing. An early creation by make-up legend Rick Baker, it isn't a very convincing monster. The film works better when using sound effects to convey its presence. 

It's Alive is an enjoyable Larry Cohen freak show, despite the polyester and archaic depiction of a husband's role during childbirth. Revisiting the film today, watching Frank pacing the waiting room is almost as surreal as that old Winston cigarette commercial with The Flintstones. I had completely forgotten that a man's role in childbearing was once regulated to the fun part, then passing out cigars nine months later.

Prrrfect Trailers: IT'S ALIVE

IT’S ALIVE

Released October 18, 1974

Starring John P. Ryan, Sharon Farrell, James Dixon, William Wellman Jr, Andrew Duggan, Guy Stockwell.

Directed by Larry Cohen

First released in 1974, Larry Cohen’s It’s Alive came and went unnoticed. But when re-released in 1977, it became a cult classic, largely due to this ingenious teaser trailer, which was far scarier than the movie itself.

THE FASTEST GUN ALIVE and the Moment of Cool

THE FASTEST GUN ALIVE (Blu-ray)

1956 / 89 min

FROM WARNER ARCHIVE COLLECTION

Available at www.moviezyng.com

Review by Mr. Paws😺

Glenn Ford probably isn’t the first name that comes to mind when it comes to cool Hollywood icons. Perhaps that’s because he was always an actor first, a movie star second. 

However, when I first watched The Fastest Gun Alive as a kid, I briefly thought he was the coolest guy ever. Granted, my exposure to heroes & antiheroes was limited to what our local independent TV channel chose to air on Saturday afternoons, which was usually old westerns and Jerry Lewis comedies. 

Still, the scene where meek, teetotaling store owner George Temple (Ford) gets drunk in a bar and reveals to his ignorant, big-talking neighbors that he’s more skilled with a gun than all of them combined just floored me. It's a magnificent, subtly menacing character transformation that, even today, is the best example of Ford’s talent that no one seems to talk about. For one scene anyway, he was as cool as Clint Eastwood and Steve McQueen.

Until that moment, George keeps his considerable skills to himself, not even carrying a gun. His wife, Dora (Jeannie Crain), is aware of his past, but he’s promised never to revert back to his old ways. When word gets out that notorious outlaw Vinnie Harold (Broderick Crawford) just outdrew and killed another gunfighter in another town, most of the people of Cross Creek are impressed, which really bothers George, mainly because he doesn’t appear to be widely respected as a man.

Glenn spots a gumball machine.

He ends up regretting revealing his secret and alienating Dora. But he promises once again to hang-up his gun, and agrees to stay in town after everyone vows to keep his skills a secret. Unfortunately, Vinnie and his gang, on the run from a posse after robbing a bank, ride into town and hear about an even faster gunman. Vinnie’s ego supersedes any concern over the approaching posse. He calls out George for a gunfight…otherwise he’ll burn the town. Meanwhile, George reveals why he’s been keeping his true identity a secret…an incident from his past where his own father was killed in a gunfight.

Despite the title, The Fastest Gun Alive is atypical of many westerns of the time. Light on action, it’s more of a character drama similar to High Noon, with a narrative more interested in what makes its protagonist tick than action and shoot-outs. George is a sympathetic, relatable character…filled with regret over his past and now torn between keeping a promise to his wife or defending the town. Ford portrays him with the right measures of stoicism and vulnerability. Conversely, Vinnie is a one-note caricature, exacerbated by Crawford's overacting.

Despite an overall lack of action, The Fastest Gun Alive is consistently engaging and comes to a satisfying conclusion, with a twist ending that was probably a big surprise at the time the film was released. If nothing else, it’s a solid reminder that Glenn Ford could do cool along with the best of them.

EXTRA KIBBLES

2 TOM & JERRY SHORTS - “Blue Cat Blues” & “Down Beat Bear.”

ORIGINAL TRAILER

ADVENTURES IN THE BUDGET BIN: The Palm Springs of Washington

Reported by Mr. Biscuits🐈

It’s a small world after all. 

It was slim pickings during my weekly stop at Big Lots the other day, but I did manage to nab an Oscar winner, a stone cold classic and a delirious dumpster fire. When I got to the check-out counter, the young clerk noticed my Full Metal Jacket t-shirt and said her best friend was the granddaughter of R. Lee Ermey, whom she met a few times. To any of you asking “Who’s R, Lee Ermey?”: You can just turn-in your cinephile card right now. 

She went on to explain that she grew up in Yakima, Washington, which is Ermey’s hometown. It’s also where I had the misfortune of living for over a decade. Euphemistically nicknamed ``The Palm Springs of Washington,” Yakima is a thoroughly unpleasant town...nasty winters, scorching summers, apples, cows and, since it squats in the middle of the state between Seattle and Spokane, a transfer point for lotsa drugs. Maybe it has changed since then, but I escaped 25 years ago and don’t ever plan to return for a trip down memory lane. To paraphrase Gunnery Sgt. Hartman himself, only two things come from Yakima...cattle and crack.

The young clerk said Ermey was a very nice man - contrary to his indelible image  - and we talked a bit about his movies while she rang up my purchases. Afterwards, I congratulated her for escaping Yakima alive (even if it was to work at a Big Lots store). She nodded with a knowing chuckle. I guess things haven’t changed all that much. 

Anyway, on this trip I found a copy of Platoon ($5.00), made before director Oliver Stone fell in love with the smell of his own farts. Though it’s a tad overpraised - to say nothing of heavy-handed - it certainly deserved to beat the other contenders for Best Picture at the Oscars that year (in general, 1986 wasn’t a banner year for movies). Platoon also has the distinction of being the first and only time we ever took Charlie Sheen’s career seriously. 

Then I found a true treasure: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly ($5.00). Sure, I already had two versions of the film on DVD, but hey...it’s The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It’s The Good, the Bad and the Ugly on Blu-ray. I even considered buying two copies because it’s The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, the greatest western of all time and anyone who disagrees can suck my cat’s fuzzy balls. My only beef is that it’s the Extended Cut, with inconsequential scenes restored, characters re-dubbed by noticeably-older Clint Eastwod and Eli Wallach, as well as some loser doing a piss poor Lee Van Cleef impression. Still, it’s The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, and if it isn’t already part of your collection, you don’t have a collection.  

Finally, there’s Tim Burton’s jungle-rot remake of Planet of the Apes ($5.00). While Burton should be commended to attempting something outside of his darkly-whimsical comfort zone, this film confirms he doesn’t have it in him. And fuck that ending. I have yet to hear or read any explanation that makes a lick o’ sense. But for five bucks, I’m willing to take another swing at it. Then again, Burton himself has previously said the ending wasn’t supposed to make any sense. Well, Tim...mission accomplished. You asshole.

Lucy's Scary Movie Round-Up

Once again, it's time for my Friday night horror buddy, Lucy Anderson, to offer her insightful opinion of several films we've recently watched together during our traditional weekly Horrorfests. 

Halloween (1978)

Lucy says: "It's surprising!"

Halloween III: Season of the Witch 

Lucy says: "It's stupid." (no argument here)

Pulse 

Lucy says: "It's scary and awesome." (She enjoyed it more than Dad did)

Dead Alive 

Lucy says: "It's gross and funny and people get kicked in the balls."

Dawn of the Dead (1978) 

Lucy says: "It's too weird." (she liked the remake a lot better)

The Car

 

Lucy says: "It was funny and it makes you wonder why the Devil would drive a car."

Christine

 

Lucy says: "It was too weird and over dramatic."

The Ring

 

Lucy says: "It's so scary that I almost died of scaredness, but Insidious is still better."

Prometheus

 

Lucy says: "It's pretty cool." (Dad agrees)

THE BLOB (1988) and the Horrible Holiday Hell

Starring Kevin Dillon, Shawnee Smith, Donovan Leitch, Jeffrey DeMunn, Candy Clark, Joe Seneca. Directed by Chuck Russell. (1988, 95 min).

Essay by D.M. ANDERSON
 
Like most families, mine has certain holiday traditions. We always watch A Christmas Story after putting up the tree. In the days leading up to Christmas, my wife makes caramel corn, Chex mix (my favorite), candy cane cream puffs and sugar cookies, the last of which the whole family has a hand in decorating. And because of our relatively twisted nature, at least one of us will come up with some kind of anti-Christmas cookie, like a demonic snowman or a reindeer riddled with bullet holes.

We also visit my folks' house on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts and sit down to a formal holiday feast. It's a ritual I've grown to despise and fear over the years.

Not because I don't love my parents. On the contrary, they're wonderful people. We've generally gotten along really well over the years and they've always been there for me through good times and bad. They welcomed my wife into the fold with open arms and have spoiled my kids the way all great grandparents do. And Christmas is the time of year Mom seems to live for, planning waaay in advance to make sure the approaching holiday goes off without a hitch. In fact, we're expected to have our Christmas lists ready in July.

Still, I dread visiting their house on Christmas Eve...because they have a dark side.

Well, maybe not Dad. As far as I know, his post-retirement routine consists entirely of bowling, fantasy sports and a little off-track betting on the side. I'm pretty certain he's involved in little of the domestic decision making. Like most smart spouses, he defers to his wife, which I've learned to do as well. That way, if the shit hits the fan, we can blame them (silently, of course). Still, he's the one who married Mom, so he's guilty by association.

Mom definitely has a dark side, which only comes out during the holidays. Oh sure, she's all smiles when we show up on Christmas Eve, happy to see us and showering everyone with hugs and kisses. But I know better because I grew up baring witness to her dark side, which I once tried to warn my wife about, only to see her succumb to Mom’s insidious influence.

Just this past year, when we arrived at my parents’ house with gifts in-hand and warm greetings all around, my palms were already sweating because I knew what lurked within. Dad knew too, but was playing dumb as usual (probably what's kept him alive all these years). He even shot me a sympathetic gaze. Mom, of course, acted like everything was hunky-dory.

While my wife engaged in small talk with my parents, I slowly crept toward the kitchen to grab a beer, each step ringing loudly in my ears. Once I reached the fridge, I swallowed hard, dreading what I’d find when I pulled the door open, yet certain it would be there.

Like ripping off a Band-Aid, I bit the bullet and threw open the refrigerator door. Sitting on the third shelf in a 9” x 12” Corningware dish, like it does every Christmas, was the source of my holiday horror...

...Mom’s Tomato Aspic.

For those of you unfamiliar with this supposed ‘dish,’ Tomato Aspic is a concoction of gelatin, tomatoes, peas, celery, Tabasco, hard-boiled eggs and whatever-the-fuck-else happens to be in the fridge at the time. Worse yet, it’s served cold. Just looking at it is like viewing the colonoscopy of a demon’s bowels. Even writing about it now, picturing my mom, wife and sister forking it into their mouths, sometimes with a dollop of fucking mayonaise on top, triggers my gag reflex. For some reason, this satanic slop never caught-on with any of the males in my family (Dad included). Not to sound sexist or anything, but perhaps men are simply more aware that just because a dish technically consists of food products doesn’t necessarily mean it’s edible.

Mom claims there’s an actual recipe for Tomato Aspic, but I don’t believe that for a second. Who the fuck would ever consciously decide any of these random ingredients fused within a jiggling, gelatinous mass would constitute good eating? Not even during my stoner years, when peanut butter, Cap'n Crunch and bologna made a good sandwich, would the ingredients of Tomato Aspic seem remotely compatible.

It’s this time of year I’m convinced my mom may not actually be Mom at all, but an insidious alien whose plan for world domination begins with sticking a seemingly-harmless dish of goo in the fridge, which in-turn comes-to-life and commences mindlessly consuming its surroundings. Once it’s good and loaded with remaining leftovers from the previous few weeks, it literally wills the women in our family to wolf it down, who then sing its praises to anyone within earshot.

Every year, my sister says to me between mouthfuls of this shit (goo dripping down her chin), “How do you know you won’t like it until you’ve tried it?” But there’s always something sinister in her blank stare & monotone drone, like someone from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Was it her or the aspic doing the talking?

Besides, I don’t need to try it. After all, one glance at a steaming pile of dog shit in the yard is enough to know it isn’t meant to be consumed. And while I love my wife, I refuse to kiss her during this holiday get-together because I know she has aspic on her lips.

That’s what scares me each Christmas Eve at my folks’ house...this hideous dish, lurking like a predator on the third shelf, practically daring me to destroy it, which I tried one year, only to discover it's impervious to fire (though Mom's kitchen curtains weren't) and bullets just make it mad.

It’s even more terrifying once it’s dished up and rendered shapeless...

Oh, Hell no!

You know what it looks like? The Blob. Not the cartoony 1958 Blob, but the upgraded-for-the-80s Blob, a slimy, formless mass which consumes its victims by absorbing them as graphically and disgustingly as possible, just like Mom’s aspic does as it patiently sits - and waits - behind the refrigerator door.

The 1988 remake is actually pretty cool, if relatively unappreciated today compared to other remakes of the time like The Thing and The Fly. Though some of the special effects haven’t aged all that well, The Blob does feature one of the all-time great death scenes in horror, when a poor rube is completely sucked into a sink drain, even though he obviously can’t fit through in one piece. It’s moments like this gore fans live for and this scene doesn't disappoint. The new version also violates a long-held taboo (at least when it comes to major studio productions) by not only killing a child character, but rendering his death one of the most graphic and sickening in the entire film.

Unlike the original, where the blob was simply a gooey monster from outer space, this one is the result of the government’s attempt to develop a biological weapon, a far more timely concept for a cynical generation that doesn’t place blind faith in authority figures. The fact that the government swiftly arrives to sacrifice an entire town to keep their creature a secret is actually fairly disturbing, mainly because it doesn't seem all that far-fetched. It also has me wondering if my mom isn’t part of a similar conspiracy.

I hate to think this way about Mom because I sprang from her loins. However, Grandma hasn't shown up during the past few Christmases. No explanation has ever been given for her sudden disappearance from our annual get-togethers, but during the last Christmas Eve I ever saw her, she hobbled to the kitchen to grab more wine (of which she always consumed plenty) and never returned to the family room where the rest of us were enjoying the holiday. Mom simply shrugged and suggested Grandma was merely tired and went to bed, while Dad offered a sheepish grin and nodded obediently (nervously shifting his eyes to the fridge).

Yet, the next morning, Christmas Day, there it was...Mom’s aspic atrocity, once-again completely intact in its usual Corningware dish, despite having-been mostly devoured the night before. Grandma was gone, yet this foul food had returned for the women to enjoy, all of whom ravenously slurped the pan clean yet again. But what did they consumes this time? More eggs? More vegetables? A stray cat? Grandma? I didn’t know, nor was I willing to find out. There are some questions you simply don’t want the answers to.

THE COMMAND and That Sinking Feeling

THE COMMAND (2018)

Starring Matthias Schoenaerts, Lea Seydoux, Colin Firth, Peter Simonischek, August Diehl, Max von Sydow, Martin Brambach, Michael Nyqvist. Directed by Thomas Vinterberg. (118 min)

ON BLU-RAY FROM LIONSGATE

Review by Tiger the Terrible😺

Depending on your familiarity with the actual event, which was briefly all over the news in 2000, The Command could be seen as two different movies: An incendiary commentary on recent history or a claustrophobic disaster thriller. Either way, this is an excellent film.

The Kursk (the film’s title outside the U.S.) is a nuclear submarine in Russia’s aging naval fleet, which is a dilapidated shadow of its former self since the Cold War ended. During a training exercise, an unstable warhead explodes, sending the ship to the ocean floor. While most of the crew is killed instantly, a few dozen are still alive in one remaining compartment. The Russian navy attempts a rescue operation, but their equipment is old and unreliable. They also refuse to confirm to the sailors’ families whether or not anyone on-board is still alive.

As the incident becomes global news, other countries offer assistance, including the British navy. However, misguided pride and residual Cold War paranoia has the Russian government reluctant to accept any help, to the dismay of the families. Meanwhile, with the waters rising, the sailors below are quickly running out of air...and time.

"You get Netflix on that thing?"

Having just a vague memory of the actual disaster – and unaware of the eventual outcome – I have no clue to it's historical accuracy and the scenes on-board the Kursk itself are obviously speculated. However, the story as-depicted in The Command looks and feels authentic, punctuated by tension-filled sequences, solid performances, impressive production design and convincing special effects.

But like similar true stories where the outcome is a forgone conclusion – such as The Perfect Storm and Apollo 13 – it’s the characters that drive the film. Though there's an ensemble cast, the concurrent story threads are presented primarily through a trio of characters. Low-level officer Mikhail Averin (Matthias Schoenaerts) tries to keep what’s left of the Kursk’s crew alive and hopeful. His pregnant wife, Tanya (Lea Seydoux), represents the frustration and helplessness of the entire village over the navy’s inaction. British commander David Russell (Colin Firth) is the outsider who, like the rest of the world, doesn’t understand Russia’s refusal to accept help in order to save its own people.

Max von Sydow eventually shows up as Admiral Petrenko, the film’s de-facto antagonist since he embodies Russia’s overall apathy. Petrenko is more of a symbol than a full character, but if you aren’t absolutely hating him by the end, you haven’t been paying attention. One thing is certain...the way the Russian government is depicted, it’s doubtful The Command is very popular among Putin’s circle of buddies.

For everyone else, The Command is an under-the-radar gem. Exciting, suspenseful, infuriating and ultimately poignant, it’s a tightly-made thriller that deserves to find an audience. Whether seen as a scathing historical denunciation or simply a riveting disaster flick, the film is highly recommended.

EXTRA KIBBLES

"HUMAN COSTS: MAKING THE COMMAND” - A pretty decent behind-the-scenes featurette.

DVD & DIGITAL COPIES

KITTY CONSENSUS:

MEE-OW! LIKE TAUNTING A MOUSE TO DEATH.

GOD TOLD ME TO (4K): Crazy Larry

GOD TOLD ME TO (4K UHD Review)

1976 / 90 min

FROM BLUE UNDERGROUND

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

The late (sometimes great) Larry Cohen was a national treasure, even if his eccentricities and quasi-guerrilla approach to filmmaking was never fully embraced by the mainstream. Since the mid-90s, he worked mostly as a screenwriter before passing away in 2019, but during his prolific heyday, Cohen directed some of horror's most endearingly tacky, slyly subversive films…usually by the seat of his pants. I challenge anyone to watch the likes of It’s Alive, Q - The Winged Serpent or The Stuff without shit-eating grin on their face.

1976’s God Told Me To is one of his lesser known films, but it, too, has something of a cult following. It’s also pretty bleak for Cohen, especially the first half, depicting a series of random mass killings throughout New York City. Though committed by different people, each claims the same reason for their spree: “God told me to.” The film may be a product of its era, but considering our current climate, these scenes seem disturbingly timely.

Tony Lo Bianco plays Peter Nicholas, a troubled cop connecting the killings, which gets him into hot water at work when he goes public, causing city wide panic. For a while, the narrative unfolds more like a police procedural than a horror film, at least until we’re thrown some truly WTF narrative curveballs. For the sake of those who’ve never seen this, I’ll refrain from elaborating, but let’s just say you haven’t lived until you’ve witnessed an androgynous Richard Lynch (of all people) showing off a pulsating vagina growing from his torso.

First day without training wheels.

Elsewhere, God Told Me To is pure Larry Cohen, a typically slapdash hodgepodge of weird ideas, budget-conscious action, haphazard editing and occasional tastelessness. Like his best-known films, we’re convinced he’s largely making it up as he goes along. At the same time, he’s always been a good writer with a knack for assembling better casts than movies such as this usually have (or deserve). And just as he did with Q - The Winged Serpent, Cohen makes great use of various New York locations. I suppose one could consider him the Woody Allen of exploitation films.

While God Told Me To is essential viewing for Cohen fans, his films are definitely an acquired taste and this is no exception. It’s the work of a man who’s always been armed with more audacity than resources and those who can’t appreciate that will probably hate it. For everyone else, this 4K upgrade from Blue Underground nicely preserves the film’s grimy aesthetic, though it’s not a massive improvement over the Blu-ray version. However, this one offers more audio options, including a Dolby Atmos track. Aside from a new audio commentary, the bonus features are mostly carried over from previous releases, but they’re a lot of fun, especially Cohen’s own commentary and Q&A sessions.

EXTRA KIBBLES

4K & BLU-RAY COPIES

“HEAVEN & HELL ON EARTH” - Interview with actor Tony Lo Bianco.

“BLOODY GOOD TIMES” - Interview with FX artist Steve Neill, who discusses working with Cohen on several films.

“GOD TOLD ME TO BONE” - A great 20 minute Q&A with Larry Cohen after the screenings of two films at the New Beverly Cinema. 

LINCOLN CENTER Q&A - From 2002, following a screening of God Told Me To. 

NEW AUDIO COMMENTARY - By historians Steve Mitchell & Troy Howarth.

ARCHIVAL AUDIO COMMENTARY - By Larry Cohen, who’s entertaining as hell…as usual.

TRAILERS & TV SPOTS - Features trailers for God Told Me To, as well as its alternate title, Demon.

GALLERY - Featuring posters, stills, ads and VHS box art.

REVERSIBLE COVER

All Hail KING COHEN

Featuring Larry Cohen, Martin Scorsese, Joe Dante, Michael Moriarty, J.J. Abrams, Mick Garris, John Landis, Traci Lords, Fred Williamson, Robert Forster, F.X. Feeny, Eric Bogosian, Barbara Carrera, Yaphet Kotto, Eric Roberts, Rick Baker, Tara Reid. Directed by Steve Mitchell. (2018/110 min).

FROM DARK STAR PICTURES

Review by Fluffy the Fearless😺

In the climax of the 1982 film, Q - The Winged Serpent, a SWAT team is defending the top of New York's Chrysler Building, firing hundreds of rounds in an effort to kill the title creature. To accomplish this scene as quickly and economically as possible, director Larry Cohen hired the skyscraper's maintenance crew, dressed them as cops and filmed them shooting from windows and baskets outside of the building. Though firing blanks, the guns' shell casings rained on the streets below.

This was all news to the people of New York, who assumed they were under siege (ever the opportunist, Cohen instructed one of his cameramen to capture these scenes of genuine panic, which made it into the final cut of the film). It was also news to John Landis, whose own production of Trading Places was disrupted because police were called to respond to the incident. Typical of his style and approach, Larry Cohen never bothered to inform the appropriate authorities of his intentions, nor did he have the same financial resources as Landis to afford the city's cooperation.

It's my favorite anecdote from a documentary filled with them. King Cohen: The Wild World of Filmmaker Larry Cohen is an affectionate tribute to a writer-producer-director who forged a semi-legendary career by remaining fiercely independent, staying true to his own vision and ignoring the advice and help of others. In the process, he directed a handful of cult classics and is probably best-known in horror circles as the madman behind 1974's It's Alive (though in this writer's opinion, the endearingly-tacky Q is his crowning achievement).

"What's in The Stuff? Michael Moriarty's essence, of course."

But Cohen's story actually begins in New York during the golden age of television, where he began his career as a writer. The film chronicles his rise in television, where he created a few series with varying levels of success. It was out of frustration with studio interference that eventually put Cohen on the path to independent filmmaking, inauspiciously beginning in the blaxploitation genre before moving on to the quirky horror films we know and love him for.

King Cohen tells his story in tremendous detail, with dozens of clips from his most noteworthy movies, interviews with colleagues and actors he's worked with and, of course, plenty of entertaining commentary and anecdotes from the horse's mouth. Cohen's enthusiasm is contagious; it's clear he still loves the business, despite nearly every one of his projects being a financial challenge to complete.

For the uninitiated, King Cohen also does a wonderful job helping one appreciate the man's creativity, not-to-mention loads of sheer audacity. Directors Joe Dante, John Landis, Martin Scorsese and J.J. Abrams have nothing but respect for Cohen's independent spirit, as does frequent collaborator Michael Moriarty (the two did five projects together). On an amusing note, Fred Williamson seems to remember some of their shared history a bit differently than Cohen and isn't afraid to say so, but he's good-natured about it.

The ultimate grassroots auteur, Larry Cohen has had a long, fascinating career, which this film encapsulates with genuine reverence and affection. King Cohen is a must-watch for both his fans and those curious about his unique approach to genre filmmaking.

KITTY CONSENSUS:

MEE-OW! LIKE TAUNTING A MOUSE TO DEATH

TERMINATOR: DARK FATE: Back to the Chase

TERMINATOR: DARK FATE (2019)

Starring Linda Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mackenzie Davis, Natalia Reyes, Gabriel Luna, Diego Boneta. Directed by Tim Miller. (128 min)

ON BLU-RAY FROM PARAMOUNT

Review by Tiger the Terrible😸

While the world may not have needed another Terminator movie, this one cuts to the chase, so to speak, reverting back to what made the first two films undisputed classics.

Gone is most of the convoluted plot baggage that muddied Terminator Salvation and Terminator Genisys. Those films aren’t without merit, but both seemed forget what really drove Terminators 1 & 2 (and even the underappreciated Terminator 3) was the thrill of the chase. We were given a crash course in time travel – just enough to accept the premise without scrutinizing it too hard – before pummeling us into submission. I haven’t met many people who cared much about the franchise’s temporal logistics anyway.

Terminator: Dark Fate ignores the last three films altogether, which is ironic since it essentially cops the “Judgment Day is inevitable” assertion of Terminator 3. Only this time it isn’t Skynet sending terminators back in time to dispatch the Connors. Now it’s a computer network called Legion and the  target is Dani (Natalia Reyes), a feisty young assembly line worker in Mexico. It’s never effectively explained how Legion evolves to threaten all humankind, nor does it really matter. Once the Rev-9 terminator (Gabriel Luna) arrives in the present day, it’s up to mechanically-enhanced super-soldier Grace (Maclenzie Davis) to keep Dani alive for whatever purpose she serves in the future (revealed late in the film, though the viewer will have figured it out long before).

Of course, the big drawing card (or at-least it should have been) is the welcome return of Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor. Ever since preventing Judgment Day decades earlier, she’s been hunting terminators, though Grace has never heard of her, Skynet or John Connor (unceremoniously killed by a terminator in the very first scene). In fact, Sarah and Grace have an amusingly antagonistic relationship throughout most of the film. Still, she sees a lot of herself in Dani. Playing Sarah as a grizzled, cynical and bitter warrior, Hamilton is clearly having a lot of fun.

"Yes...I am a lumberjack. But I am not okay."

It just occurred to me I haven’t yet even mentioned Arnold Schwarzenegger. That’s probably because he doesn’t show up for at-least an hour, his existence & motivations are sort-of contrived and – narratively speaking – he’s the least essential character in the film. But hey, it’s not a Terminator movie without Arnold, even if he’s often regulated to being comic relief.

Like the original Terminator, there are no concurrent timelines, no altering the future to save the world. It’s all about the simplicity of the chase, with exciting action sequences and large-scale destruction (though nothing as groundbreaking as T2), relenting just long enough for occasional story or character exposition. None of it ends up being really necessary, but it sure is a lot of fun.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - “A Legend Reforged” (behind-the-scenes, interviews with cast, director Tim Miller & producer James Cameron); “World Builders” (sort-of an extension of the first featurette, with more emphasis of action scenes); “Dam Busters: The Final Showdown” (this one focuses on the epic scale climax); “VFX: The Dragonfly”

DELETED/EXTENDED SCENES

DVD & DIGITAL COPIES

KITTY CONSENSUS:

PURR-R-R...LIKE A GOOD SCRATCH BEHIND THE EARS.