DI’ANNO: A Harrowing Journey

DI’ANNO: IRON MAIDEN’S LOST SINGER (Blu-ray)

2026 / 96 min

Cleopatra Entertainment

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the ‘banger😺

In this case, the ‘lost’ of the title does not mean forgotten…at least among die hard Maidenheads. Not to date myself, but yours truly has been one since high school, when I spotted Iron Maiden’s second album, Killers, at a local record store, its gloriously hideous cover practically daring me to listen to it. Which I did, and…mind officially blown. 

These were the days before Bruce Dickinson (if that name doesn’t ring a bell, why the hell are you reading this?). Until then, it was a lean & mean Paul Di’Anno belting out the songs. And he was good, too.

Then he was gone, just as Maiden was about to break big. Di’Anno didn’t just lose-hold of the brass ring. Mostly by his own hand, he chucked that ring so far he’d never find it again. Following his firing, he spent the rest of his life shitting in his own nest with one lousy decision after another, both musically and personally. Unrecognizable from his glory period, Di’Anno spent his final years in a wheelchair before dying in 2024. But God bless him, he never stopped trying to make music, even if few were actually listening anymore.

Di’Anno: Iron Maiden’s Lost Singer is an unflinching documentary that’s sometimes difficult to watch, yet undeniably fascinating. The film largely focuses on his final years and the severe health problems he was dealing with. By this time, he’s financially strapped, grotesquely overweight and, most significantly, in dire need of a knee surgery he can’t afford on his own. Di’Anno candidly talks about his situation, while holding out hope that he’ll someday be able to walk again. He doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic, nor does he try. He’s well aware of his personal shortcomings and makes no apologies for them.

Di’Anno’s past is summarized throughout the narrative, from his brief time in Maiden through numerous other failed musical projects and personal problems, which mostly serve to confirm that he’s always been his own worst enemy. Friends, ex-bandmates and relatives are interviewed as well, offering their own insights and experiences with the singer’s volatile personality (which, of course, was often fueled by drugs). All he’s lost over the years makes his present predicament all the more tragic. Concert footage of Di’Anno in his wheelchair, croaking out Maiden classics in small clubs with a band of hired hands speaks volumes about his determination, but it’s also kind of depressing.

However, the most shocking parts of the film are those focusing on his health, which are really tough to watch. With financial help from a dedicated fan and Iron Maiden themselves, Di’Anno finally gets the surgery he needs, which is shown in gruesome, graphic detail. My stomach even did a couple of flip-flops during those scenes. I’ll say one thing…it was certainly brave of him to allow filmmakers to document what a trainwreck he’d become.

For Maiden fans such as myself, seeing his final years documented in such grim detail is a harrowing experience. Di’Anno: Iron Maiden’s Lost Singer is easily the most disturbing music doc I've ever seen, but compulsively watchable for the same reason.

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Catnip Reviews: HANKY PANKY, CHEAP THRILLS and CINDERELLA: IN CONCERT

Snack-sized opinions from the frisky felines at Free Kittens…

HANKY PANKY (Blu-ray) - This romantic comedy is mostly a footnote in the careers of a few Hollywood legends. The first pairing of Gene Wilder and Gilda Radner, the film tells sort of a Hitchcockian story with a comedic spin. Unfortunately, it’s seldom particularly thrilling, and though its two stars exhibit agreeable onscreen chemistry, the film rarely rises above mildly amusing. As much as I’ve always respect Sidney Poitier as an actor, it’s a different story when he’s calling the shots in the director’s chair. Hanky Panky is watchable, especially for those who were charmed by the stars’ real-life relationship. But by-and-large, it’s a forgettable film that squanders the talents of a lot of people on both sides of the camera.   (1982/108 min/Alliance Entertainment).

KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼

CHEAP THRILLS (Blu-ray) - A rich couple coerces two financially strapped friends into performing demeaning, increasingly dangerous acts for money in this pitch black comedy. But before anyone assumes Cheap Thrills is a scripted variation of Jackass, the film sometimes appears to have more on its mind than shocking the viewer. There’s a clear underlying theme of the “haves vs. the have-nots” permeating the narrative, and the increasing animosity between its two main characters takes the story to some pretty dark places. With morons in the real world doing stupid things on YouTube and TikTok for free, I suppose the film would’ve seemed edgier if made a decade earlier, but it’s still a morbidly compelling descent into depravity and desperation, anchored by dedicated performances from the entire cast. This new Blu-ray release includes a big selection of new and archival bonus features. (2013/85 min/Arrow Video).

KITTY CONSENSUS: 😺😺😺

CINDERELLA: IN CONCERT (Blu-ray) - Any Cinderella fans still out there? Okay, you three…stop what you’re doing and stick this one in your Amazon cart right now! You won’t be disappointed, as this 1991 concert video captures the band at the height of their powers, just before grunge came along to relegate nearly every hair band to the state fair circuit. For the uninitiated, these guys were part of a second wave of popular glam metal bands who took things to the next level (at least visually). Try as they might, Cinderella never quite escaped their image, but were actually better than many others of their ilk, with a hell of a screecher in singer/guitarist Tom Keifer and a blues-based approach that made songs like “Gypsy Road” and “Shelter Me” pretty catchy. This Blu-ray disc sounds great and the concert itself is well shot, featuring all the band’s biggest hits.  (1991/80 min/cleopatra Entertainment).

KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼😼

VAMPIRE ZOMBIES…FROM SPACE!: More Homage Than Parody

VAMPIRE ZOMBIES…FROM SPACE! (Blu-ray)

2024 / 98 min

Cleopatra Entertainment

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Don’t be fooled by the deliberately silly title, which suggests yet-another “outrageous” zom-com thrown together by would-be auteurs operating under the conceit that being intentionally stupid qualifies as parody. Great parody has always been more than just making fun of stuff. It also displays genuine affection for the genre, which Vampire Zombies…from Space! does, sometimes quite brilliantly.

The title is indeed accurate, with a basic story that features Dracula (Greg Closter), who hails from a planet of vampires, returning to Earth in 1957 to take over the small town of Marlow by turning everyone into a legion of undead. Of course, the plot is just a vessel for the film’s collection of oddball characters, some truly funny dialogue and, of course, plenty of gory ‘splatstick’ action.

But really, this is more of a clever homage to horror-sci-fi films of the 1950s than pure parody, especially regarding the overall aesthetic. It’s shot in black & white, with deliberately hokey special effects. Yet at the same time, these effects are extremely well done, as is the production design. If it weren’t for the pristine image quality (probably because it was shot digitally), this could pass for a relic from the decade when the story takes place.

"Come-oooon Yahtzee!"

Though teen couple Wayne and Mary emerge as the main protagonists, the movie is stolen by Andrew Bee as police chief Ed Clarke, who’s hilarious without ever looking like he’s trying to be. Elsewhere, Closter makes an amusing Dracula, and look quick for none other than Night of the Living Dead’s Judith O’Dea as a Vampira-like alien.

Unlike similar films that quickly run out of gas and wear out their welcome, the cast, dialogue and special effects keep this one fun throughout its running time. And once the invaders’ inevitable weakness is discovered, the climax is similar to that in Mars Attacks!, only funnier. Vampire Zombies…from Space! is an entertaining (and great looking) horror comedy that’s worth seeking out. Despite the limited budget, there’s a lot of creativity up there on the screen, as well as an obvious love for the old movies it pays homage to. I think Ed Wood would be proud.

EXTRA KIBBLES

AUDIO COMMENTARY

PROMOTIONAL CLIPS

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COCAINE WEREWOLF: The Joke Might Be On Us

COCAINE WEREWOLF (Blu-ray)

2024 / 77 min

FROM CLEOPATRA ENTERTAINMENT

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

To appreciate the appeal of a movie like this is to know its director. Mark Polonia has been throwing together direct-to-video junk (often shot on video) for nearly 40 years. And “throwing together” ain’t an exaggeration. So far, he’s released 4 movies in 2024 alone and the year is only two-thirds of the way over. But since he directed nine in 2023, perhaps age is catching up with him.

Looking at his lengthy filmography, Polonia specializes in rip-offs and mockbusters, most which I suspect were given their titles before even a single word of the screenplays were written. Lots of shark flicks, Amityville movies and silly monster mash-ups. Never one to pass up the opportunity to jump on a bandwagon, he’s recently turned to pumping out no-budget nonsense featuring drug-fueled beasties, such as Cocaine Werewolf.

Cheap and stupid doesn’t begin to describe this one. What else can you say about a movie with a budget so low that CGI is used to simulate a shattered windshield? Or a narrative that randomly includes a shot of a sexy pole dancer, despite being completely irrelevant to a single scene or character? The entire movie looks like it was shot with one camera, featuring a cast whose resumes mostly consist of other Polonia films (and we suspect acting isn’t their primary source of income). Ironically, Cocaine Werewolf is about the title creature stalking an equally-untalented cast and crew of an equally-cheap horror movie, which is as close to clever as it gets. 

When "The Final Countdown" gets stuck in your head.

The completely ill-fitting industrial rock score suggests Cleopatra Entertainment is also using Cocaine Werewolf to promote the artists on their label. On the other hand, the music is the only decent aspect of the entire film. The rest is strictly amateur night...boring, scare-free, devoid of laughs (intentional ones, anyway) and featuring a creature about as convincing as the monster masks at Spirit Halloween. 

Then again, perhaps Polonia is already well-aware of his abilities (or lack thereof). Maybe the movie's shitty on purpose and the joke's on us because it has obviously worked out for him over the years. In an era when Terry Gilliam has trouble getting anything made, Polonia’s remained gainfully employed, earning something of a cult following along the way. If you’ve read this far, perhaps you’re totally down with catching the latest epic from the guy who brought you Bigfoot vs. Zombies and Amityville in Space. Rest assured, you won’t be disappointed.

No one else needs to bother.

EXTRA KIBBLES

SLIDESHOW - Stills from the film.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Mark Polonia.

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