CITIZEN VIGILANTE: Garbage Message, Garbage Movie

CITIZEN VIGILANTE (Blu-ray)

2026 / 88 min

Event Film

Review by Stinky the Destroyer😾

Never mind that Citizen Vigilante reveals its anti-immigrant stance (with the subtlety of a hammer) in the first five minutes. Or that the film essentially blames all violent crime on Islamic extremists enabled by the “woke left.” Or that the protagonist is a privileged white man who vocally condemns a migrant family’s “archaic value system” before blowing them away. Or that this is the film neo-Nazi narcissist Elon Musk loved so much he served it up on Twitter for free. Or that the star of this hatefest had recently torpedoed his own career with allegations of sexual abuse and cannibalism.

Maybe some of you are fine with all that. Hell, maybe this is the kind of movie you’ve been waiting for, one with a message that speaks to the darkest regions of your heart. If so, I sure hope I don’t know any of you personally. But regardless of where you plant your flag, Citizen Vigilante is simply a bad movie, which probably shouldn’t come as a surprise. After all, this epic atrocity was written, produced, directed and shot by the notorious Uwe Boll. If the name doesn’t ring a bell, Boll is a German auteur who’s managed to make films for over 30 years without ever learning how. 

Armie had the choice of doing a cat food commercial or a Uwe Boll film. He now realizes he chose wrong.

The quasi-incomprehensible plot focuses on stone-faced property owner Michael Sanders (Armie Hammer, who displays one emotion). When he isn’t evicting poor people from his properties, he’s fast becoming a global hero by taking the law into his own hands, killing rapists and murderers (all foreigners of color), as well as public officials who’ve set them free. In the interim, he goes on the internet and spews jingoistic bile about taking the country back. Trying to stop him is dedicated Interpol cop Henry (Costas Mandylor), though we really don’t see him do anything throughout the entire film.

In fact, even would-be thrillseekers might be disappointed by the overall lack of action, and that Sanders does more talking than killing, putting us to sleep with laborious, jingoistic monologues (I get the impression Sanders is simply a conduit for Boll to voice his own personal grievances). Elsewhere, the film is poorly paced, structurally baffling, lazily written and apparently edited with a weed whacker. And hypocritically, the narrative sometimes belies its own message, as when Sanders slaughters an entire team of cops, and in another scene where he intentionally causes the death of an innocent motorist to prove a point to the judge he’s abducted. Or is Boll saying a little collateral damage is okay, so long as those nasty immigrants suffer?

Whatever the case, Citizen Vigilante is an awful film, even by Boll’s subterranean standards. Narratively vapid, technically inept and morally repugnant, this one doesn’t even qualify as so-bad-it’s-good...save for a hilarious sex scene where Sanders stops mid-coitus to complain about mold on the walls.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTE - Costas Mandylor on Uwe Boll, where the actor spends two minutes gushing how brave and ballsy the director is.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By writer-director Uwe Boll.

THE CHASE: Brando, Bubber and a Bunch of Bad Behavior

THE CHASE (Blu-ray)

1966 / 133 min

Alliance Entertainment

Review by Mr. Paws😼

Watching 1966’s The Chase for the first time, I couldn’t help but draw some comparisons to a more recent exercise in excess, Babylon. Both feature huge ensemble casts of famous faces playing a variety of morally questionable (and largely unlikable) characters. Both dedicate good chunks of their running times to these folks engaging in bad behavior. Both briefly (and superficially) address themes of racism. And finally, there’s a trainwreck quality to both that’s often morbidly fascinating.

I guess the biggest difference - besides hailing from different eras - is that Babylon is deliberately over-the-top, whereas the melodramatic campiness of The Chase appears largely unintentional. One gets the impression that everyone involved with the film took it far more seriously than the viewer is likely to. As such, there’s some great fun to be had, even if the thing eventually wears out its welcome. 

And unlike Babylon’s episodic narrative, The Chase has an actual plot on which to hang its scenes of adultery, drunkenness, back-stabbing and mob behavior. Lifelong loser Bubber Reeves (Robert Redford) escapes from prison and heads back toward his hometown of Tarl County, Texas, one of those places where everybody knows everybody. Word quickly spreads that not only did Bubber escape, he’s wanted for murdering someone along the way (which was actually committed by his fellow escapee). Sheriff Calder (Brando) and Bubber’s cheating wife, Anna (Jane Fonda), seem to be the only ones convinced of his innocence, while the rest of the town apparently can’t wait to get their hands on him. 

Brando suddenly realizes he never could've been a contender.

Meanwhile, The Chase is rife with soap opera subplots, most of which involve either wanton infidelity or the dichotomy between privileged (and nasty) rich folks and the marginalized working class (including the racial minorities in town). Largely taking place during a single day, the rich get increasingly shitfaced before taking the law into their own hands, while Calder faces abuse and accusations of ignoring his duties. For a while, a lot of this is quite entertaining, if sometimes at the film’s expense. The numerous drunken party scenes, for example, are pretty amusing, as is the fact that no one appears to be concerned about the consequences of behavior that would realistically land them in jail. 

But eventually, spending so much time with such self-absorbed, unlikable characters gets on our nerves, especially once we begin to suspect not all of them are likely to be held accountable for their actions. Without getting into specifics that might be considered spoilers, there is no character growth of any kind. Like Tony Montana in Scarface, characters established as horrible at the start of the story are just as horrible at the end. Though Bubber is portrayed as somewhat likable, only Calder and his wife, Ruby (Angie Dickinson), generate any real sympathy (though we do feel kinda sorry for bank manager Edwin Stewart, played by Robert Duvall).

Still, I can’t honestly say The Chase is dull (though it is a little overlong). Its superficial attempt at seriousness is often very entertaining. And say what you will about the film’s goofier aspects, it’s got one hell of a cast, many of whom were on the verge of superstardom at the time. And while some of them are guilty of laying it on a little thick, there’s no denying their dedication to their roles.

THE ORDER Is Saved By Its Characters

THE ORDER (Blu-ray)

2024 / 114 min

From Vertical

Review by Princess Pepper😽

It’s possible FBI agent Terry Husk (Jude Law) has been doing his job too long. 26 years of dealing with hate groups and mobsters in New York has him transferring to Coeur d‘Alene, Idaho, presumably to live a quieter life with his family when they follow him there.

That doesn’t happen, though. Shortly after arriving, Husk connects a recent murder and series of robberies to a local hate group known as The Order, an Aryan Nation splinter group led by charismatic extremist Bob Matthews (Nicholas Hoult).

Conversely, Jamie Bowen (Tye Sheridan) is a young police officer who probably hasn’t been at his job long enough. With his knowledge of those involved in local hate groups, his idyllic family life is disrupted as he becomes nearly as obsessed as Husk when the two team up to bring The Order down, even though he has a fraction of the experience.

"Who took the last bearclaw?"

The Order does an excellent job fleshing out its three pivotal characters, subtly shaped and defined through their actions and key scenes. For example, a single silent with moment Husk alone in his new apartment speaks volumes about the reality of his family situation. Similarly, a scene in which Matthews stands up in church to confront reigning Aryan Nation leader Richard Butler (Victor Slezak) not-only signifies a changing of the guard, it establishes Matthews as disturbed and dangerous.

It’s the characters and performances that make The Order worth seeing. Based on a nonfiction book, the choppy narrative often forces the viewer to re-acclimate themselves whenever a significant amount of time has passed between one scene and another. The result is a film that ends up being a little too episodic for its own good, with a few plot threads that are introduced but never explored any further…such as scenes where Matthews has the opportunity to kill Husk but chooses not to. 

The Order features action sequences depicting robberies, murder, terror attacks and shootouts with the FBI, all of which are presented with slick professionalism. Still, the movie is ultimately more interesting - and disturbing - during the character driven moments.