Revisiting POSEIDON in 4K

POSEIDON Limited Edition (4K UHD)

2006 / 98 min

Arrow Video

Review by Mr. Bonnie McBoatface

A brief rant before we get started…

Ever since The Towering Inferno floored me as a kid, I’ve been a die hard disaster movie lover and it remains my favorite genre. Good ones, bad ones, so-bad-they’re-good ones…serve-up mass destruction and melodrama and I’m all in. Though some great ones are still being made from time to time, most of the acknowledged classics hail from the 1970s, including The Poseidon Adventure.

However, we’re getting a deluxe 4K edition of 2006’s Poseidon, while the original (and far more revered) film that inspired it hasn’t been re-released or upgraded since debuting on Blu-ray over a decade ago. Neither has The Towering Inferno, for that matter. In a day & age when The Toxic Avenger gets the 4K treatment, surely two blockbusters that defined the disaster genre for millions are just as worthy. Fucking Disney (who own 20th Century Fox’s entire back catalog).

As for The Poseidon Adventure...of course it’s a classic, but hardly a cinematic masterpiece. While the special effects remain pretty impressive even today, the dialogue is often groanworthy and every character is painted (and performed) in broad strokes. Though still a boatload of fun (no pun intended), I never felt it was such a sacred cow that a remake was out of the question. NBC tried it first with a soapy, soggy two-parter that not only succeeded in making me detest Steve Guttenberg even more, it actually had the balls to remove the goddamn tidal wave from the plot!

Then a year later, we got this one, boasting a massive budget, impressive cast (Kurt Russell’s always been one of my favorites) and Wolfgang Peterson, a solid director who was certainly no stranger to high sea adventures. Now this was more like it! So guess who was there on opening night with the family in tow.

The basic plot is the same. After a cruise ship is capsized by a massive tidal wave, the survivors must find their way to the hull (now above them) before it sinks for good. There’s plenty of death and peril along the way…some people live, others die. But aside from that, Poseidon serves up different characters, conflicts and obstacles. And that’s fine because there’s no bigger waste of time than doing a remake that’s exactly like the original.

Not everybody's heart will go on.

First and foremost, the special effects and production design are nothing less than spectacular, especially on the big screen (though everything looks and sounds mighty fine on this 4K edition, too). While the original’s tidal wave & capsizing sequence still holds up pretty well, Poseidon practically puts you on deck with torrents of water and flying bodies. Longer, louder and far more detailed, the film is worth checking out for this sequence alone. Petersen must’ve thought so too, because he can’t wait to get to it, rocketing through shallow, superfluous character introductions before the deadly wave hits, all in the first 15 minutes. 

The remainder of the film sees a handful of survivors making their way through the ship, barely staying above the rising water. There’s plenty of action and vivid visuals as they go from one deadly obstacle to the next. However, that’s all there really is to Poseidon. The original film had more than its share of silly subplots involving exaggerated characters, but at least we got to know everyone well enough to be personally invested in their survival. But none of Poseidon’s characters are as interesting as the sets they’re slogging & swimming through. In a way, it’s like watching someone guide a video game character through various levels. 

The one exception is Lucky Larry, played with gusto by Kevin Dillon. His character is a fun throwback to the disasters of yesteryear, when all of 'em had a guy who was so obnoxious, hateful or evil that we couldn’t wait to see them die. Since Larry is a self-aggrandizing, misogynist pig, his untimely demise comes a bit too early, but it’s also satisfying and actually kinda funny. And that ain’t a spoiler, folks. Guys like this are born to buy the farm in disaster movies.

Poseidon has destructive spectacle to spare and it’s obvious nearly every penny of its budget is up there on the screen. But it’s ultimately never as engaging or suspenseful as the original classic because we don’t really care who lives or dies. We’re watching to see how they live or die with a curious sense of detachment, which is fine if mayhem all you’re looking for. And that mayhem looks pretty damn good on this Limited Edition 4K release from Arrow Video, who provide the kind of quality upgrade and extras I wish someone would give the original Poseidon Adventure. But enough of my ranting about that.

EXTRA KIBBLES

NOTE: Free Kittens Movie Guide was provided with a promo disc for review purposes. Physical supplemental material included with the final product (booklets, artwork, inserts, etc) were not available for review.

INTERVIEWS - Unsurprisingly, most of the interviews are with people associated with the technical aspects of the film, including director of photography John Seale, production designer William Sandell (who shoulda won an Oscar), FX supervisor Boyd Shermis (who was at-least nominated for one), make-up effects supervisor Michael Deak.

FEATURETTES - Poseidon: A Ship on a Soundstage is an archival featurette with cast/crew interviews; Poseidon: Upside Down is another archival bit about the set design; A Shipmate’s Diary features production assistant Malona Voigt.

SET A COURSE FOR ADVENTURE - A new appreciation by Heath Holland, who’s pretty enthusiastic.