April 16, 2023

And the Oscar Goes to...COCAINE BEAR


COCAINE BEAR (Blu-ray)
2023 / 95 min
Review by Tiger the Terrible😺

Amusingly, the video release of Cocaine Bear is labeled the “Maximum Rampage Edition,” even though it’s actually the only edition. Still, such a gonzo description, however meaningless, certainly reflects the tone of the movie. It might even be meant as a joke.

Of course, the title alone made Cocaine Bear a viral sensation before it was even released. Even if it turned out to be a movie that beat its one joke to death long before the end credits, mission accomplished. To a certain horror crowd, movies marketed with such intentionally goofy scenarios are irresistible.


But unlike, say, Snakes on a Plane, Cocaine Bear isn’t quite a one-joke movie. Sure, its wild premise drives the plot, which gets an additional boost from being somewhat inspired by a true story (and highly touted in the ad campaign). In 1985, a black bear did indeed ingest a shitload of blow that was dropped from an airplane by a smuggler. Sadly, the real bear overdosed and died, which would make for a damn depressing movie. 


But here, the titular critter goes on a coked-up rampage, her new habit fueled by kilos dropped all over the Georgia hills. Those unfortunate enough to come across her usually end up dying in scenes that are both gory and hilarious. The ambulance sequence, in particular, is a delirious highlight. But while the bear is the unequivocal star - and often the protagonist - the film doesn’t simply coast on the novelty of its concept. Cocaine Bear features a lot of genuinely funny characters (including the so-called 'bad guys') and witty dialogue, along with a few amusing subplots and running gags unrelated to the bear.


"The hell you say!"
The interest level only wanes during the scenes featuring single mom Sari (Keri Russell in a thankless role), daughter Dee Dee and her friend, Henry. They simply aren’t as engaging or funny as everyone else, including Bob (Isiah Whitlock Jr), a dedicated cop unhappy with his new dog, and overzealous park ranger Liz (Margo Martindale), who’s infatuated with animal activist Peter (Jesse Taylor Ferguson). But my favorites are Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich) and Daveed (O’Shea Jackson Jr), two guys ordered to retrieve the coke by Eddie’s drug-running dad, Syd, played by the late, great Ray Liotta. Speaking of which, Liotta may have less screen time than the other actors, but despite being the only clear-cut antagonist, he does deliver the film’s funniest line. 

Though unapologetically gory, Cocaine Bear isn't a horror movie, nor does it really try to be. It’s mostly comic in tone and very funny, earning laughs without ever descending into self-awareness or campy exploitation. Nobody’s ever gonna mistake it for high art, but it’s a hell of a good time. At the very least, there’s more to the film than just a great title.


EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - “All Roads Lead to Cokey: The Making of Cocaine Bear”; “UnBEARable Bloodbath: Dissecting the Kills”; “Doing Lines.”

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Elizabeth Banks and producer Max Handelman.

ALTERNATE ENDING

DELETED/EXTENDED SCENES

GAG REEL - Of course.

DVD & DIGITAL COPIES


April 15, 2023

THE ASSASSINATION BUREAU is Worth Rediscovering


THE ASSASSINATION BUREAU (Blu-ray)
1969 / 109 min
Review by Mr. Paws😺

This overlooked British black comedy from the late ‘60s features Olver Reed at his Reediest and Diana Rigg at her Riggiest. How can you go wrong?

Set in pre-World War I Europe, the titular organization is a secret group headed by Ivan Dragomiloff (Reed). They specialize in assassinating various people at the behest of their clients, but only if it’s determined the potential target deserves to die. This unusual code of ethics is questioned by Sonya Winter (Rigg), an ambitious journalist hoping to expose the group. She goes as far as hiring their services…to assassinate Ivan himself. 


Shockingly, he accepts the job, seeing it as an opportunity to weed-out members of the bureau who’ve since neglected the code. Put succinctly, either they will kill him or he will kill all of them. Meanwhile, Sonya’s boss, newspaper owner Lord Bostwick (Terry Savalas), is actually co-chairman of the bureau with a more ambitious agenda. By killing Ivan, he can take control and put-in-motion a plan to kill most of Europe’s political leaders. But despite elaborate efforts by various assassins, killing Ivan is a lot easier said than done. And even though she’s initially abhorred by Ivan’s line of work, Sonya finds herself assisting him, which of course leads to more than a professional relationship.


Hot off the presses.
Despite the premise, The Assassination Bureau has a consistently irreverent, breezy tone similar to other “globetrotting” period pieces of the era. While seldom laugh-out-loud hilarious, the whole thing is generally pretty amusing, with engaging performances by the entire cast. Neither Reed nor Riggs are required to stretch themselves much, but their natural charisma suits the characters pretty effectively. Reed, in particular, looks like he’s having a great time and his enthusiasm is infectious.

Aesthetically, the film is definitely a product of its time, somewhat exacerbated by an extensive use of rear projection to depict various European locations, as well as the silly special effects during the climactic zeppelin attack. Still, that final act is audacious enough that we can forgive some of the technical shortcomings.


Alas, the movie sort-of came and went without much notice at the time. It’s suggested in some of the supplemental material that the film was a victim of bad timing, that no one was interested in a comedy like this since both Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King had recently been assassinated. Speaking of which, the film’s backstory is fascinating, dating all the way back to 1910 when Jack London gave up trying to complete the original novel. This disc from Arrow Video doesn’t provide an abundance of bonus features, but what’s here nicely sums-up The Assassination Bureau’s somewhat tumultuous history. The movie itself is a minor gem worth rediscovering.


EXTRA KIBBLES

“RIGHT FILM, WRONG TIME: MATTHEW SWEET ON THE ASSASSINATION BUREAU” - A pretty extensive exploration of the novel and film’s history.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By Sean Hogan and the always interesting Kim Newman.

TRAILER

IMAGE GALLERY

SUPPLEMENTAL BOOKLET (unavailable for review)

REVERSIBLE COVER (unavailable for review)


April 12, 2023

THE POOP SCOOP: "Super" Edition

🐜ANT-MAN AND THE WASP: QUANTUMANIA on Digital April 18 and 4K, Blu-ray & DVD May 16 from Marvel/Disney.
Super Heroes Scott Lang (Paul Rudd) and Hope Van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly) return to continue their adventures as Ant-Man and The Wasp. Together, with Hope’s parents Janet Van Dyne (Michelle Pfeiffer) and Hank Pym (Michael Douglas), and Scott’s daughter Cassie Lang (Kathryn Newton), the family finds themselves exploring the Quantum Realm, interacting with strange new creatures and embarking on an adventure that will push them beyond the limits of what they thought possible. Directed by Peyton Reed and produced by Kevin Feige and Stephen Broussard, Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania also stars Jonathan Majors as Kang, David Dastmalchian as Veb, Katy O'Brian as Jentorra, William Jackson Harper as Quaz and Bill Murray as Lord Krylar.  Marvel Studios’ Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania arrives on Digital April 18 and on 4K Ultra HD, Blu-ray and DVD May 16. Fans can add the film to their collection and access exclusive bonus content including deleted scenes, a gag reel and audio commentary by director Peyton Reed and writer Jeff Loveness. 


😺SHAZAM! FURY OF THE GODS on 4K, Blu-ray and DVD May 23 from Warner Bros.
Experience an action-packed adventure when “Shazam! Fury of the Gods” arrives for Premium Digital Ownership at home on April 7. The film is directed by David F. Sandberg, written by Henry Gayden and Chris Morgan, based on characters from DC; Shazam! created by Bill Parker and C.C. Beck, starring Zachary Levi (“American Underdog”) as Shazam and Asher Angel (TV’s “Andi Mack”) as Billy Batson. The film will also be available on 4K UHD, Blu-ray and DVD beginning on May 23. From New Line Cinema, the film also stars Jack Dylan Grazer (“It Chapter Two”) as Freddy Freeman; Adam Brody (“Promising Young Woman”) as Super Hero Freddy; Ross Butler (“Raya and the Last Dragon”) as Super Hero Eugene; Meagan Good (“Day Shift”) as Super Hero Darla; D.J. Cotrona (“G.I. Joe: Retaliation”) as Super Hero Pedro; Grace Caroline Currey (“Annabelle: Creation”) as Mary Bromfield / Super Hero Mary; Faithe Herman (TV’s “This Is Us”) as Darla Dudley; Ian Chen (“A Dog’s Journey”) as Eugene Choi; Jovan Armand (“Second Chances”) as Pedro Pena; Marta Milans (TV’s “White Lines”) as Rosa Vasquez; Cooper Andrews (TV’s “The Walking Dead”) as Victor Vasquez; with Djimon Hounsou (“A Quiet Place Part II”) as Wizard, Rachel Zegler (“West Side Story”), with Lucy Liu (“Kung Fu Panda” franchise) and Helen Mirren (“F9: The Fast Saga”).


😺LORD OF WAR arrives June 6 as a Best Buy exclusive SteelBook in 4K Ultra HD (+ Blu-ray + Digital) from Lionsgate.
Lord of War, the action-adventure drama, arrives on a Best Buy exclusive SteelBook® in 4K Ultra HDTM (+ Blu-ray + Digital) on June 6 from Lionsgate. Directed by Andrew Niccol (The Host, Good Kill, Anon), the film follows Yuri Orlov (Nicolas Cage), an arms dealer whose clients include merciless dictators. Lord of War, the action-adventure drama Cage, arrives on a Best Buy exclusive SteelBook® in 4K Ultra HDTM (+ Blu-ray™ + Digital) on June 6 from Lionsgate. Chance leads Yuri Orlov (Oscar winner Nicolas Cage) to discover his one talent — illegal arms dealing. With his brother’s help, he reaches the top of his trade, supplying anyone whose check clears. His skills and quick wits bring him everything he’s ever wanted — and help him elude a persistent Interpol agent. But at the peak of his prowess, he discovers his customers might demand more than he can give…and those he’s trying to protect could become deadly liabilities. This taut thriller costars Ethan Hawke, Jared Leto, and Bridget Moynahan. 

😺A GOOD PERSON on Blu-ray and May 20 from Warner Bros.
Daniel (Morgan Freeman) is brought together with Allison (Florence Pugh), the once thriving young woman with a bright future who was involved in an unimaginable tragedy that took his daughter’s life. As grief-stricken Daniel navigates raising his teenage granddaughter and Allison seeks redemption, they discover that friendship, forgiveness, and hope can flourish in unlikely places. Celebrated writer/director Zach Braff’s (TV’s “Scrubs,” “Garden State”) latest film A Good Person, from Metro-Goldwyn Mayer Pictures, will be available for purchase on Blu-ray on May 30. Written and directed by Braff, the film sees Braff once again return to the director’s chair nearly twenty years after his Sundance breakout directorial debut, “Garden State.”  The film is produced by Zach Braff, Pamela Koffler, Florence Pugh, Christine Vachon, Christina Piovesan and Noah Segal.

April 11, 2023

FLASHDANCE: What a Feeling...in 4K


FLASHDANCE 40th Anniversary Edition (4K UHD)
1983 / 95 min
Review by Stinky the Destroyer😼

The ‘soundtrack movie’...a product of its time if there ever was one.

Some of you might remember them...flashy, high-concept flicks where more effort probably went into the soundtrack than the screenplay. Not quite musicals, these films nevertheless featured loads of pop songs and music montages, carefully calculated to sell just as many records as movie tickets.


Paramount Pictures may not have invented the formula, but they damn sure got it down to a science. Beginning with 1977’s Saturday Night Fever, the studio was the undisputed king of the soundtrack movie, ruling over the next decade with such jukebox hits as American Gigolo, Urban Cowboy, Staying Alive, Footloose, Flashdance, Cocktail and Top Gun, the last of which was arguably the pinnacle of the genre. 


Flashdance is the archetypal soundtrack movie, complete with the standard-issue chase-your-dreams theme. While there are fleeting attempts to emulate the working class grittiness of Saturday Night Fever, both the setting and story are simply clotheslines on which to hang sexy, sweaty dance sequences, most of which draw heavy inspiration from MTV. The film pretty-much slows to a crawl when it focuses on the actual story, including the creepy romantic subplot between 18-year-old Alex (Jennifer Beals) and her boss, Nick (Michael Nouri), who’s twice her age.


Flashdog
But since no one cared about the plot back then, it stands to reason they won’t now. This film has always been about aesthetics and style. If one can still suspend disbelief that a blue collar bar would regularly feature hot dancers whose routines are epic marriages of sight & sound, those sequences remain nostalgically enjoyable eye-candy. Flashdance may only be skin deep, but as one of the quintessential examples of the soundtrack movie, revisiting it after all these years is like unearthing a time capsule. 

Though remastered as part of the Paramount Presents series just a few years ago, Flashdance is getting yet another upgrade, this time in 4K. Overall, it’s an impressive picture that reveals some depth and texture differences from the Blu-ray. The DTS-HD 5.1 audio track is identical in both formats, but it sounds great, especially during sequences featuring the iconic song and dance numbers. However, there are no new bonus features. All the extras are from the Paramount Presents Blu-ray, which is also included. 


EXTRA KIBBLES

4K, BLU-RAY & DIGITAL COPIES

FEATURETTES - “Filmmaker Focus: Adrian Lyne Discusses Flashdance”; “The Look of Flashdance”; “Releasing the Flashdance Phenomenon”

TRAILER


April 9, 2023

DOUBLE INDEMNITY and the High Cost of Living


DOUBLE INDEMNITY (1944)
Starring Fred MacMurray, Barbara Stanwyck, Edward G. Robinson. Directed by Billy Wilder. (107 min)
Essay by D.M. ANDERSON💀

Though fairly late to the party, I love classic film noir. There’s something inherently fascinating about shady characters living on the fringes of society who aren’t likely to die of old age, largely due to their own misguided life choices. In the hands of the right director, it’s a world you never want to leave.

Great film noir is dark and unpredictable, with stories that generally preclude a happy ending and characters who, despite being morally questionable at best, we’re completely invested in. Narratives are seldom simply good vs. evil. It’s often bad guys vs. worse guys, or more intriguingly, a basically decent fellow coerced into making monumentally terrible decisions…usually for the sake of a woman who doesn’t have his best interests in mind.


If I had to pick a favorite, it would be 1944’s Double Indemnity, which brilliantly sums-up everything great about film noir with the line, “I killed him for the money…and a woman. And I didn’t get the money and I didn’t get the woman.”


The events leading up to that confession unfold in flashback. Cynical insurance salesman Walter Neff (Fred MacMurray) swings by the swanky L.A. home of a client, Mr. Dietrichson, to renew his car insurance. Instead, he’s immediately twitterpated by the man’s sultry wife, Phyllis (Barbara Stanwyck), who none-to-subtly inquires about taking out an accident insurance policy on her husband. Phyllis practically oozes sexuality the second she first appears at the top of the stairs, so it doesn’t take much effort for her to talk Walter into killing Mr. Dietrichson to collect on the policy.


Walter meticulously plans the entire crime, which involves killing Dietrichson, then later boarding a train disguised as him. Meanwhile, Phyliis drives to a specified point on the train’s route with the body in her trunk. Walter jumps from the train and the two put the body on the tracks to make it look like an accident. It seemingly goes off without a hitch and is assumed to be a suicide. However, Walter’s boss, claims adjuster Barton Keyes (Edward G. Robinson), ain’t buying it. He suspects murder, but has no actual proof. Meanwhile, Dietrichson’s daughter, Lola (Jean Heather), tells Walter she’s convinced Phyllis is behind it all. She also reveals Phyllis was the nurse of Dietrichson’s first wife, who also died under suspicious circumstances. Though he talks her out of going to the police, Walter realizes he can no longer trust Phyllis and now fears for Lola’s life.


"I remembered the coupons this time."
The premise is classic noir, stylishly directed by Billy Wilder, who co-wrote it with none other than Raymond Chandler (adapting James M. Cain’s novel). But what really makes it pop are the performances, which were sort of a revelation when I first watched the film. I grew up on MacMurray as a Disney dad and inventor of Flubber, as well as the wholesome family man in My Three Sons. Who knew he had it in him to convincingly play a conniving killer? Then there’s Stanwyck, the matriarch of The Big Valley, as one of the most smoking hot femme fatales in film noir history. It turns out she's great at being a bad girl.

Whenever I watch Double Indemnity, I almost always see something I never paid much attention to before, like the inherent sexiness of anklets, or that Edward G. Robinson can be damn funny when given the opportunity. Aided by witty dialogue, Robinson is often hilarious - the closest thing the film has to comic relief - delivering such deceptively clever throwaway lines that you might not catch them the first time.


But as much as I love its timeless story and themes, I recently noticed an aspect of Double Indemnity that's monumentally depressing, especially now that I have a mortgage…


Early in the film, Walter is pulling into Mr. Dietrichson’s driveway, his house located in the hills overlooking Los Angeles. In classic noir fashion, MacMurray’s character provides voiceover narration, setting up the scenario. That’s when he lays this sad little tidbit on us: “It was one of those California Spanish houses everyone was nuts about 10 or 15 years ago. This one must have cost somebody about thirty-thousand bucks…that is, if he ever finished paying for it.”


Thirty-thousand bucks.


$30,000 for a huge Spanish-style villa - practically a mansion - located in the Hollywood Hills (some of California’s most expensive property). The house is still there today, and after doing a bit of checking, I learned that it’s 3,077 square feet and is currently listed by Zillow at over $2 million. One might naturally assume the exorbitant price is because the place could be considered a famous landmark. However, $2 million is actually on the low end of property values in that area.


The $30,000 Double Indemnity house...now and then. Yours for only $2 million.
Thirty-thousand bucks. Granted, 1944 was almost eighty years ago, but it still means the house’s value has increased 6666% since. In that same time span, the average cost of a gallon of gas was twenty cents and has since gone up 1904%. The average cost of a new car was around $800. According to Kelly Blue Book, it’s now $49,000, an increase of 6129%

Not all cars, of course. I used to collect Hot Wheels cars when I was a kid. They only cost a buck back then, so convincing Mom to let me throw one in the shopping cart was fairly easy.


Do you know how much Hot Wheels go for these days? Still a BUCK! Ironically, they’re more expensive at Dollar Tree than anywhere else because everything in that store is now $1.25. Even after all these years, Hot Wheels remain among the biggest selling toys in the world…probably because they’re still a fucking dollar. So I guess inflation hasn't affected everything. If so inclined, I could buy 30,000 of 'em for the mere price of a 1944 Spanish villa.


But I digress. Hot Wheels notwithstanding, I understand things ain’t the way they used to be and won't unleash my inner Boomer by ranting about how cheap everything was back in the day. Still, sometimes old movies are a sobering reminder of just how expensive everything’s gotten. You can find another sad example in the 1968 film, Yours, Mine & Ours, in which a widowed man (Henry Fonda) with 10 kids marries a woman (Lucille Ball) with eight of her own. One particularly depressing scene has them buying the weekly groceries and loading up four carts, which comes to a grand total of $123…for 20 people. To put that in perspective, there are four people in my household - five if you include the cat - and we’re lucky to get away with spending less than $200 a week at our local WinCo. Probably the cat’s fault.


As a more recent example, there’s an early scene in 1988’s Die Hard where Sgt. Powell pulls into an AM/PM. The price for a gallon of regular gas is seventy-four cents. I saw the movie in a theater when it was first released, and distinctly remember nudging my wife and commenting on how expensive L.A. gas prices were. Today, seventy-four cents might get half my lawn mowed.


When gas was still cheaper than Twinkies.
Getting back to Double Indemnity…Walter is willing to commit murder for $100,000, the value of the insurance policy Phyllis took out on Mr. Dietirchson, and obviously a shitload of money back then, enough to buy three Spanish villas and a half-dozen cars. Not that I’ve ever considered it, but I don’t think that amount (which would barely pay off my school loans) is murderworthy anymore. I might punch my brother-in-law for that much, and God knows he has it coming. However, if I’m gonna be persuaded to risk my freedom for money, it would take more than a hundred grand and Barbara Stanwyck wearing a sexy anklet…maybe ten million bucks and Ann-Margret wearing a sexy anklet…

…and Super Bowl tickets.  


For me, movies will always be the ultimate escape. Film noir, in particular, allows us a voyeuristic glimpse at society’s seedy underbelly from the relative safety of our homes (or a theater, if you ever get a chance). Double Indemnity is arguably the greatest film noir ever made, with unforgettable characters and a timeless story. Only the high cost of living really dates it, and unfortunately, sometimes classics like this end up being an unwelcome reminder of that reality.

April 7, 2023

AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER: Very Pretty, Very Long


AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER (Digital Review)
2022 / 193 min
Review by Stinky the Destroyer😼

If I were a betting man, I’d never have wagered on Avatar: The Way of Water being another gazillion-dollar juggernaut, to say nothing of getting another Oscar nomination for Best Picture…which, like the original 2009 film, it did not deserve. 

Not that it’s a bad film or anything. But it had been 13 years since Avatar knocked everyone’s socks off in theaters with its groundbreaking visuals and, for once, justifiable use of 3D. I was initially blown away, too, but unlike James Cameron’s other films (of which I’m a big fan) never gave the film another thought after leaving the theater. In fact, when I later tried watching it at home, I had forgotten most of the plot and eventually fell asleep. Ultimately, Avatar was more of a virtual theme park ride than a movie and far less engaging at home.


Despite Cameron’s endless self-confidence in his own world-building abilities and the blank check handed to him for Avatar: The Way of Water, original storytelling and complex characters were never among the director’s strengths. That the new film would be another visual wonder was never in doubt, but I’ve been on this ride before and didn’t feel particularly compelled to revisit Pandora in a theater. Just as the current slate of MCU movies no longer wow audiences like they did when the iron was hot, I assumed the general consensus meeting this one would be “been there, done that,” especially in this post-COVID era when theater attendance is down everywhere. 


I was wrong about that, of course. Apparently, more of the same is exactly what people wanted.


"I thought you were bringing the weenies."
But having finally seen it at home, my overall assessment of Avatar: The Way of Water is similar to that of the original: Pretty to look at, with impeccable special effects and first-rate action (especially the climax), but waaaay too long when you consider the derivative plot and - Stephen Lang as Miles Quaritch notwithstanding - lack of interesting characters. Adding a batch of rebellious teenagers to the mix - Sully & Neytiri’s new family - only serves to pad the running time, with a great deal of the meandering middle act focusing on them. Cameron does introduce a new Pandora clan who, as water dwellers, are different from the blue Na’vi, but other than creating a gorgeous new setting for them - alongside beautifully-rendered sea creatures - they’re given little to do but provide exposition and fight alongside Sully.

Only Lang manages to transcend the inherent limitations of motion capture to deliver a memorably vicious (and often amusing) performance. Despite much of the original cast returning for this one, their roles could have been played by anybody. Storywise, The Way of Water never pushes the envelope - the primary plot being Quaritch’s Ahab-like obsession with destroying Sully - but in typical Cameron fashion, the film is driven more by aesthetics than narrative complexity. 


And in that respect, I suppose it works well enough. Though undoubtedly jawdropping in theaters, the visual impact of Avatar: The Way of Water is severely diminished at home (even in HD), which tends to exacerbate its aforementioned shortcomings. But like the original, the film’s technical aspects and exciting action sequences are probably enough to make it worth enduring the bloated length (at least once, anyway).


EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - “Acting Underwater for Avatar: The Way of Water”; “Building the World of Pandora”; “Capturing Pandora”; “The Undersea World of Pandora”; “The Challenges of Pandora’s Waters”; “Pandora’s Returning Characters”; “Pandora’s Next Generation”; “Spider’s Web”; “Becoming Na’vi”; “The Reef People of Pandora”; “Bringing Pandora to Life”; “The RDA Returns to Pandora”; “The New Characters of Pandora”; “The Sounds of Pandora”; “New Zealand: Pandora’s Home.”

“MORE FROM PANDORA’S BOX” - Casting (screen tests); stunts; “The Lab”; “The Troupe.”

2 TRAILERS

MUSIC VIDEO


April 4, 2023

CALAMITY OF SNAKES: Reptilian Snuff


CALAMITY OF SNAKES (Blu-ray)
1982 / 86 min
Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

“A percentage of all profits from CALAMITY OF SNAKES in all formats will be donated to Save the Snakes in continuation of their mission to protect snake populations around the world.”

Some things you just can’t unsee…

I generally love horror movies where nature strikes back, even a lot of the bad ones. There’s always been something supremely enjoyable in watching killer critters wreak havoc on a hapless cast lining up to be clawed, bitten and devoured. However, Calamity of Snakes was more than I bargained for. It’s essentially a reptile snuff film.


Throughout its running time, literally hundreds of real snakes are killed on-screen in just about every violent, cruel and agonizing way you can imagine. These sequences are voyeuristically shot, unsettling and seem to go on forever. In fact, there’s so much snake slaughter that this disc offers a “cruelty free” version, which runs a full ten minutes shorter. I even considered reviewing the film with that version, but then I wouldn’t really be doing my job, would I?


At any rate, these scenes pretty much sucked all the fun out of the movie for me. Which is too bad, because elsewhere, Calamity of Snakes is the kind of nature-run-amok flick that has the potential to be terrific entertainment by virtue of its sheer goofiness. The story sees a greedy building developer ordering his crew to kill a big batch of snakes blocking the construction of his newest highrise. But he apparently doesn’t get ‘em all, because after the building is completed, thousands more snakes - including a few giant pythons - burst from the ground to get revenge, attacking the residents.


*BUUUURRRRRP!*
The silly premise is compounded by histrionic performances, daffy dialogue, slapstick humor and attack scenes that feature snakes literally flying at their victims (obviously being thrown at the actors…sometimes in bunches). But despite the comic tone of the story, I couldn’t get past the violence inflicted on these animals for the sake of entertainment, and found myself wishing I’d chosen the “cruelty free” version after all.

But apparently, killing critters was an acceptable part of Hong Hong horror cinema back when this was made, which is discussed at-length - and often defended - in a documentary that comes with the disc. One interviewee even pretentiously suggests that modern viewers offended by on-screen animal killing are culturally ignorant…even racist. Contextualize it all you want, buddy…it doesn’t make this stuff any easier to watch. 


Still, I’m sure there are plenty of thrill seekers who'll indeed find the wonton snake slaughter very enjoyable. For everyone else, you’ve been warned.


EXTRA KIBBLES

“FROM SHAW TO SNAKES: THE VENOM AND VIOLENCE OF EARLY CHINESE LANGUAGE HORROR CINEMA” - The best of the bonus features, this includes interviews with various film historians, though I could do without some of them mansplaninig why I shouldn’t be offended by filmmakers killing animals.

“REPTILIAN RECOLLECTION” - Lin Kuang-Yung interviews actor Chui-Yi Chung.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By Nathan Hamilton and Brad Slaton.

ALTERNATE VERSION

ALTERNATE CREDITS

“CRUELTY FREE” VERSION - All the real snake carnage removed.

ENGLISH DUB OPTION

GALLERY