THE BLADE CUTS DEEPER: Almost an Homage

THE BLADE CUTS DEEPER (Blu-ray)

2024 / 84 min

Leomark Studios

Available at www.MovieZyng.com

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Well, at least director/co-writer Gene Dolders did some of his homework…

In The Blade Cuts Deeper, John Abbott (John Tueart) is the sleazy creator and host of “Light, Camera, Kill,” a sensationalistic TV show that exploits tragedy by flippantly reenacting real life murders. However, his latest episode, depicting a serial killer’s handiwork, pisses off the wrong guy, who commences killing off everyone associated with that episode. In true giallo fashion, the killer isn’t revealed until the end, but the viewer ain’t gonna need a slide rule to immediately know who’s doing the carving.

As an intended giallo homage, there are some other similarities, primarily its aesthetic. There's a mysterious black-gloved killer, extended stalking sequences that are emblematic of the genre, and of course, plenty of death by cutlery, including a jaw-dropping scene where one victim is repeatedly - and convincingly - stabbed in the face. On occasion, the film manages to generate some genuine tension . 

When someone brings donuts to the staff meeting.

However, there’s typically more to giallo than pure murder and mayhem. They’re generally structured like a mystery, even those that are more style over substance. Most of this film consists of Abbott being a dick while the killer picks off everyone around him. Storywise, this is just a slasher film filled with characters whose entire narrative purpose is to die.

That doesn’t mean The Blade Cuts Deeper isn’t enjoyable. Dolders is no Argento or Bava, but considering what appears to be a low budget, this is a pretty good looking film. Additionally, the death scenes are mostly well-executed and extraordinarily brutal. As slasher movies go, trust me, you’ve seen far worse. But while it sometimes resembles giallo, the spirit just ain't there. Maybe Dolders should've actually finished his homework.

HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL: Castle's Classic Creepfest

HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL Limited Edition (Blu-ray)

1959 / 75 min

Film Masters

Available at www.MovieZyng.com

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Wasn’t it great being little, when damn near everything scared you, like skeletons dangling from tethers? 

I wasn’t around when cinema’s greatest carnival barker, William Castle, was turning schlock into gold with such gimmicks as theater seat buzzers, fright insurance policies and, of course, “Emergo,” which was used to help turn House on Haunted Hill into one of his biggest hits. This was where a red-eyed skeleton would ‘float’ over the audience on a wire. Cheap and tacky, to be sure, but it put butts in seats.

Still, I remember the onscreen (also tethered) skeleton scaring me as a kid when I first watched this on TV, along with other ghostly figures lurking in dark closets. Then there was that dreaded pool of acid, which was used to destroy the bodies of murder victims, though one poor sap gets thrown in alive. Back then, acid ranked just behind lava and quicksand on my list of the most horrible ways to die and it seemed like a lot of horror villains had a vat of the stuff in their basement.

But who is the actual villain in House on Haunted Hill? When revisiting the film years later, I appreciated how the narrative’s surprising twists kept the viewer guessing, an aspect that elevated this one above the usual tacky treasures Castle was making at the time. And despite some imagery that’s still kinda spooky, one could even argue that it isn’t really a horror movie at all. The story itself unfolds more like a Scooby Doo mystery…with booze…and guns.

"Sounds like the couple upstairs have made up again."

The movie remains very entertaining, though perhaps aesthetically quaint compared to the bloody-but-joyless 1999 remake. The great Vincent Price shines as Frederick Loren, a cynical millionaire who invites a group of carefully chosen strangers to spend the night at a supposedly haunted mansion, offering $10,000 to each who takes him up on the offer. The house, of course, has a dark past, as ominously explained by its owner, Watson Pritchard (Elisha Cook Jr). That’s when the fun begins.

House on Haunted Hill is William Castle’s one true classic. In addition to atmospheric direction, an engaging story and interesting characters, the overall performances are quite good for a film of this type (though all that’s really required of Carolyn Craig is to scream every ten minutes). Even without “Emergo,” it remains one of the better haunted house movies of the 1950s. Having been released on Blu-ray before (most notably, in one of Shout Factory’s Vincent Price collections), I don’t know if this new edition from Film Masters is a significant technical upgrade, but the overall video/audio quality is pretty good. Kinda light on bonus material, though.

EXTRA KIBBLES

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By Heath Holland.

SUPPLEMENTAL BOOKLET - Includes an essay by Jason A. Ney.

BEAST OF WAR: A Solid Slab of Sharksploitation

BEAST OF WAR (Blu-ray)

2025 / 87 min

Well Go USA

Review by Mr. Bonnie, the Bigger Boat😸

Ah…another day, another low budget shark movie.

I generally don’t mind reviewing these things, because even the bad ones (which is most of ‘em) are usually good for a few shits & giggles, often at their own expense. And like many of you, I never go in expecting another Jaws because that’s never gonna happen.

Beast of War hails from Australia and purports to be “based on a true story.” Fans of ferocious fish probably don’t care how much of the “true” part ends up in the movie, as long as there’s plenty of shark action, which this one eventually serves up in abundance.

I say eventually because the first act takes time to introduce its main characters. Set during World War II, a squad of new recruits are training for an upcoming mission. Leo (David Coles Smith) is an indigenous Australian haunted by a past tragedy involving a shark, Will (Joel Nankervis) is a smart but inexperienced young man who Leo takes under his wing, and Des (Sam Delich) is a racist, self-aggrandizing bully. Though other characters mostly exist to be fish food, the narrative does an excellent job fleshing out these three, assuring that we’re invested in their survival…or horrible deaths. 

A Farewell to Arm.

On the way to the mission, the troop’s ship is torpedoed by Japanese forces and sinks, stranding a half-dozen survivors on a slab of debris in the middle of the Pacific. They have little food and no fresh water, but their more immediate concern lurks under the surface: a great white shark that might just be the hungriest fish in movie history, relentlessly stalking these guys and putting the bitedown on anyone unfortunate enough to end up in the water.

Because bad shark movies far outweigh the good ones, I kept waiting for Beast of War to descend into silliness or stupidity, but it never does. Though there are lapses in plausibility, it was around the halfway point that I found myself thinking, Hey, this is actually pretty good. Sometimes really good, in fact. In addition to engaging characters and decent overall performances, writer-director Kiah Roache-Turner manages to create plenty of tension and atmosphere despite obvious budgetary limitations. Best of all, this one doesn’t appear to rely too much on CGI. The shark isn’t always convincing, but at least we feel it’s physically sharing the screen with the cast. Additionally, the attack scenes are brutal and bloody, punctuated by pretty realistic gore effects. 

I don’t know much much of this true story is actually true, nor do I care. What ultimately matters is that Beast of War is a surprisingly solid slab of sharksploitation. Running a lean 87 minutes, it benefits from a brisk pace, and other than an amusing aside depicting how these guys manage to solve their thirst problem, a mostly serious approach to its premise.

THE LONG WALK and the Long Wait

THE LONG WALK (Blu-ray)

2025 / 108 min

Lionsgate

Review by Princess Pepper😸

As a Stephen King fan most of my life, I’ve been waiting for a movie adaptation of The Long Walk for nearly as long. But I’ve also learned to temper my expectations over the years, since there have been plenty of great King stories that ended up being disappointing (and sometimes terrible) films. 

That being said, it was still hard not to get revved up over this one. Not only did the film have a decades-long, on-again-off-again production history, it’s been my view that most of the best King adaptations have been those that are not based on one of his horror novels. Though frequently horrifying, The Long Walk is not a horror story, but often labeled as such because of the author’s reputation. 

Fortunately - and at long last - the film does not disappoint. As directed by Francis Lawrence from a screenplay by JT Mollner, The Long Walk is not-only the best film either of these guys have been involved with, it’s one of the better King adaptations of the past 20 years. Most importantly, this feels like Stephen King, not just because of its general faithfulness to the novel, but in the grim tone, anti-authoritarian themes prevalent in much of his work, and well-drawn cast of characters.

The basic story is simple: In an alternate dystopian America, one young man from each state is selected by lottery to participate in the titular event, an annual competition in which everyone commences walking and do not stop until only one remains. Anybody falling below three miles per hour is given three warnings to pick up the pace before being shot. Overseeing the event is The Major (Mark Hamill), an enigmatic symbol of the totalitarian regime the country has become since an unspecified war has rendered it into a permanent state of economic depression.

The walk itself comprises a majority of the narrative, presented from the point-of-view of its competitors, primarily Ray Garraty (Cooper Hoffman) and Pete McVries (David Jonsson), who quickly develop a close bond. Along the way, other participants are introduced, as well as their motivation in volunteering for a competition that’ll likely result in their deaths. For most of these characters, it’s the prize that awaits the winner…massive wealth and the granting of any single wish they want. But some others, like the main protagonists, have more esoteric reasons.

Worst. Parade. Ever.

The concept alone has always been morbidly compelling, which is vividly depicted onscreen. Not only is the film extremely violent, it becomes vicariously exhausting as the walk drags on for hundreds of miles and the attrition grows. But what makes it a truly harrowing journey is the assortment of engaging characters. As friendships develop and more is revealed about each of them (for better and worse) we become emotionally invested in their fates. This is especially true regarding Ray and Pete, whose relationship develops into brotherly love…even as they realize one or both of them are certain to die. Bolstered by strong performances from Hoffman and Jonsson, their brief friendship as endearing as Red and Andy’s in The Shawshank Redemption, or perhaps more accurately, Gordie and Chris’ in Stand by Me.

Though there’s occasional levity and inspirational moments, The Long Walk is relentlessly downbeat, exacerbated by the characters’ desperation and brutal death scenes that are sometimes tough to watch, as well as the hauntingly sparse rural landscape through which they’re walking. Speaking of which, the film’s production design is unusual for a dystopian film, with vehicles, signage and houses that appear lifted from the 1960s. At the same time, there’s technology shown that didn’t exist back then, so we’re never certain exactly when this story takes place. Such aesthetic ambiguity is a neat creative touch, and along with excellent cinematography, it keeps things visually interesting.

Then there’s that ending, which takes a significant detour from the original novel. It isn’t better or worse than what King came up with, but certainly unexpected and I suppose some fans of the book might balk at the new climax. Beyond that, however, The Long Walk is a beautifully bleak and brutal adaptation that stays true to the spirit of its source material. Some of us waited a long time for this one, but it was worth it.

EXTRA KIBBLES

EVER ONWARD: MAKING THE LONG WALK - This is an excellent 75 minute making of documentary with plenty of behind-the-scenes footage and interviews with most of the cast & crew.

TRAILERS

DIGITAL COPY

THE CONJURING: LAST RITES is a Victory Lap

THE CONJURING: LAST RITES (Blu-ray)

2025 / 135 min

Warner Bros

#InPartnershipwithWB

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

I never believed for a second that Ed and Lorraine Warren would know a real demon if it walked up, introduced itself and showed them some I.D. Even if their hearts were in the right place - but most likely their wallets - this couple put the ‘con’ in conjuring. 

Still, it’s fun to believe, which the Conjuring franchise has always exploited very effectively, especially with the first two films. Whether or not we buy into the Warrens’ paranormal exploits, what separates these movies from others of their ilk is the great care taken in portraying the couple as likable, sympathetic, sincere and dedicated, to each other and their job. Even as the series began to suffer from the inevitable Law of Diminishing Returns, one thing that remained constant was our affection for the Warrens. 

That affection is more important than ever regarding The Conjuring: Last Rites, which is supposedly the final film in the franchise. It certainly plays like one, assembling a massive collection of tropes, jump-scares, visual effects and ominous signs we’ve long since grown familiar with. These elements may have lost their ability to be truly scary a couple of movies ago, but wouldn’t we miss them if they were absent? Instead of Last Rites, the film could’ve been subtitled Greatest Hits, especially with all the fan service alluding to previous films.

"I dunno, Ed...I can't shake the feeling we're being followed."

But it’s the Warrens (earnestly played once again by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) who keep Last Rites afloat. Director Michael Chaves and his team of screenwriters must have realized that as well, adding now-adult daughter Judy (Mia Tomlinson) as a primary character (and a pretty good one). Not only is her engagement to boyfriend Tony (Ben Hardy) a charming subplot, both of them end up being part of Mom & Dad’s efforts to save the Smurl family from demons unleashed from an old mirror. The movie needs them, too, since there’s almost no effort to make the Smurls much more than a plot device. You could say the same thing about the demons themselves, whose history and intentions are pretty murky.

As a capper to the phenomenally successful Conjuring franchise (yeah, we’ll see), Last Rites is sort of a victory lap. Save for a chilling sequence involving the fate of a kindly priest, the film doesn’t really serve-up anything new and the ultimate outcome is a given. But as a fond cinematic farewell to the beloved Warrens, it works quite nicely. Who cares if their actual legacy is dubious at best?

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - Last Rites: An Era Ends looks back at the whole franchise; The Conjuring: Crafting Scenes focuses on the film’s visuals; Michael Chaves: Believer features the film’s director.

DIGITAL COPY

Catnip Reviews: SHAKESPEARE'S SH*TSTORM, THE OGRE OF ATHENS, AIRPORT 4-FILM COLLECTION

Snack-sized opinions from the frisky felines at Free Kittens…

SHAKRESPEARE’S SHITSTORM (4K UHD/Blu-Ray) - If Dick Clark was the “World’s Oldest Teenager,” then Lloyd Kaufman is unquestionably the world’s oldest 12 year old boy. His sense of humor hasn’t changed one whit since first assuming the throne of low-budget bad taste in 1984 with The Toxic Avenger. If anything, he’s since plunged to new depths of immaturity, as demonstrated with Shakespeare’s Shitstorm. If nothing else, the title is accurate. Traces of The Tempest can be found if you squint hard enough, while massive amounts of spewing excrement are the catalyst to what can loosely be called a plot. Elsewhere, there’s plenty of the juvenile, scatological, gross out gags that helped build Kaufman's empire, along with heavy-handed “satire” attacking modern political correctness with the subtlety of a jackhammer. But I’ll give the Troma team props for one thing…Blu-ray & 4K releases of their titles are generally loaded with bonus material and this one is no exception. (2020/94 min/Troma Entertainment). KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼

THE OGRE OF ATHENS (Blu-ray) - In this 1956 obscurity, Thomas (Dinos Iliopoulos) is a lonely, nebbish banker who is suddenly mistaken for The Ogre, a notorious criminal who’s been terrorizing the city of Athens. But upon a chance meeting with a sultry dancer, he ends up falling-in with a crew of small time gangsters who are planning a big heist, believing Thomas to be The Ogre himself. Along the way, Thomas strikes up a friendship with another young dancer who’s unhappy with her life. Considered a milestone in Greek cinema, The Ogre of Athens features fine moments of perceptive human drama, charming comedy and even some film noir touches. Well worth seeking out, this disc also comes with a few supplements that offer valuable historical context.  (1956/104 min/Radiance Films). KITTY CONSENSUS: 😺😺😺

AIRPORT - THE COMPLETE 4-FILM COLLECTION (Blu-ray) - This set is a disaster lover’s dream. Obviously products of their time - when disaster movies were plentiful and profitable - none of them are works of art, but remain tons of melodramatic fun...occasionally at their own expense. While the original Airport is widely considered the best one (and credited for popularizing the genre to begin with), I’ve always been more partial to Airport 1975 and Airport ‘77, both of which are more action driven. As for The Concorde - Airport ‘79…it’s still a morbidly fascinating, unintentionally hilarious train wreck. All four films have been given terrific 4K restorations, so they look and sound great, though I do wish more effort was put into providing some substantial bonus material. There’s a booklet featuring a perfunctory essay, along with insightful new audio commentaries for each, but considering their cultural impact of ‘70s cinema (for better or worse), surely they deserve a bit more. (1970-1979/470 min/Kino Lorber). KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼😼😼