Catnip Reviews: SHAKESPEARE'S SH*TSTORM, THE OGRE OF ATHENS, AIRPORT 4-FILM COLLECTION

Snack-sized opinions from the frisky felines at Free Kittens…

SHAKRESPEARE’S SHITSTORM (4K UHD/Blu-Ray) - If Dick Clark was the “World’s Oldest Teenager,” then Lloyd Kaufman is unquestionably the world’s oldest 12 year old boy. His sense of humor hasn’t changed one whit since first assuming the throne of low-budget bad taste in 1984 with The Toxic Avenger. If anything, he’s since plunged to new depths of immaturity, as demonstrated with Shakespeare’s Shitstorm. If nothing else, the title is accurate. Traces of The Tempest can be found if you squint hard enough, while massive amounts of spewing excrement are the catalyst to what can loosely be called a plot. Elsewhere, there’s plenty of the juvenile, scatological, gross out gags that helped build Kaufman's empire, along with heavy-handed “satire” attacking modern political correctness with the subtlety of a jackhammer. But I’ll give the Troma team props for one thing…Blu-ray & 4K releases of their titles are generally loaded with bonus material and this one is no exception. (2020/94 min/Troma Entertainment). KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼

THE OGRE OF ATHENS (Blu-ray) - In this 1956 obscurity, Thomas (Dinos Iliopoulos) is a lonely, nebbish banker who is suddenly mistaken for The Ogre, a notorious criminal who’s been terrorizing the city of Athens. But upon a chance meeting with a sultry dancer, he ends up falling-in with a crew of small time gangsters who are planning a big heist, believing Thomas to be The Ogre himself. Along the way, Thomas strikes up a friendship with another young dancer who’s unhappy with her life. Considered a milestone in Greek cinema, The Ogre of Athens features fine moments of perceptive human drama, charming comedy and even some film noir touches. Well worth seeking out, this disc also comes with a few supplements that offer valuable historical context.  (1956/104 min/Radiance Films). KITTY CONSENSUS: 😺😺😺

AIRPORT - THE COMPLETE 4-FILM COLLECTION (Blu-ray) - This set is a disaster lover’s dream. Obviously products of their time - when disaster movies were plentiful and profitable - none of them are works of art, but remain tons of melodramatic fun...occasionally at their own expense. While the original Airport is widely considered the best one (and credited for popularizing the genre to begin with), I’ve always been more partial to Airport 1975 and Airport ‘77, both of which are more action driven. As for The Concorde - Airport ‘79…it’s still a morbidly fascinating, unintentionally hilarious train wreck. All four films have been given terrific 4K restorations, so they look and sound great, though I do wish more effort was put into providing some substantial bonus material. There’s a booklet featuring a perfunctory essay, along with insightful new audio commentaries for each, but considering their cultural impact of ‘70s cinema (for better or worse), surely they deserve a bit more. (1970-1979/470 min/Kino Lorber). KITTY CONSENSUS: 😼😼😼😼

COYOTES: Pity the Poor Housepets

COYOTES (Blu-ray)

2025 / 92 min

Decal Releasing

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

We here at Free Kittens are sad to say that Coyotes is yet-another horror movie that includes the violent death of a cat to move the story along. However, it is an equal-opportunity pet killer, offing an annoying little yippy dog in the very first scene. But despite such an overused trope, there’s one aspect of this feline demise that we appreciate: Upon learning the cat has been slaughtered by the titular beasties, its owner briefly considers killing himself. 

Of course he would.

Both of those deaths occur off-screen, saving the real carnage for its human characters. Taking place in the suburban hills of Los Angeles, coyote attacks are on the rise, as Scott and Liv (real-life couple Justin Long & Kate Bosworth) find out when a pack of them begin stalking them in and around their house. Other characters include daughter Chloe (Mila Harris), who feels responsible for the attack because she had previously been feeding them, hard-partying neighbor Trip (Norbert Leo Butz), and the prostitute he hired for the night, Julie (Brittany Allen).

Refuses to fetch.

Coyotes often goes for laughs, and gets a few here and there, especially whenever Trip and/or Julie on-screen (the former’s cocaine-fueled despair over losing his cat is particularly funny). As for Scott - a squeamish, workaholic comic artist - he’s not all that likable and I’ve seen Long play the same type of character so often that I’ve lost count. Bosworth does what she can with a pretty thankless role, which is mostly informing Scott when he’s being a dick.

Elsewhere, Coyotes is basically a home invasion movie with animals. The coyotes themselves are obviously CGI creations and never very convincing. On the other hand, there are some effectively gory scenes that boast pretty decent make-up effects. The film is never scary and seldom even suspenseful, but the playful tone and brisk pace keep it watchable. I gotta say, though...it might’ve been a lot funnier if it had the nerve to take itself seriously.

EXTRA KIBBLES

MAKING-OF FEATURETTE

CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD (4K): Not Quite Your Typical Slasher Film

CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD (4K UHD SteelBook)

2024 / 96 min

Shudder/RLJE Films

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

There are a few things that set Clown in a Cornfield apart from your typical slasher film… 

First, it’s based on a popular young adult novel of the same name. I haven’t read it, but unless standards for YA fiction have dramatically changed since I taught middle school, I suspect the book isn’t nearly as gory or expletive-ridden as the movie. That ain’t a criticism, either. Clown in a Cornfield boasts some gleefully bloody - and frequently funny - death scenes.

Second, it’s directed and co-written by Eli Craig, the guy responsible for Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, one of the best horror comedies of the past 20 years. In that one, he cleverly turned many genre clichés on their ear without ever descending into dumb parody. Craig returns to similar territory here, which somewhat elevated my expectations. Overall, the result isn’t quite as fresh or funny, but after a shaky, inauspicious first half, the film serves up a few big laughs, some narrative surprises and unexpected social commentary.

I won’t say what that commentary is because it’s directly related to a major plot twist and motive of the main antagonist. But I did appreciate the revelations and very thinly-disguised themes they serve. And as a card-carrying liberal, I’m giddy at the idea of far-right, mouth-breathing boomers taking a break from yelling at clouds and screaming “woke!” over a slasher movie that has the audacity to be perceptive.

"You never shut up, do you?"

But its roots are still firmly planted in the slasher genre, with an plot and aesthetic similar to those of the 80s. Katie Douglas plays Quinn, a semi-rebellious teenager who moves to the small town of Kettle Springs with her father and ends up falling in with the wrong crowd…according to all the adults anyway. One of her new friends, Cole (Carson MacCormac), is the mayor’s son and wrongly blamed for burning down the Baypen corn syrup factory, which was the town’s livelihood. Meanwhile, someone dressed as Frendo, the Baypen clown mascot, starts killing this group of kids one by one. 

For awhile, this is all standard slasher stuff…bloody kills, clueless parents, kids vilified by cops, teachers, parents, etc. And if that’s all you want from a horror movie, it more or less delivers. But it’s the unexpected narrative directions taken later that make the film stand out. Like Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, these flourishes, bolstered by good overall performances, are what give viewers a bit more than just another body count.

Though Clown in a Cornfield is available in both Blu-ray and 4K, fans should definitely choose the latter. Not only are both formats included, it’s packaged in a great looking SteelBook. Other than a commentary track, there aren’t any bonus features. However, it includes a set of magnets featuring Frendo and the tools he uses as weapons. I’m thinking of sticking ‘em on the fridge, though the wife might have something to say about that.

EXTRA KIBBLES

4K & BLU-RAY COPIES

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By director Eli Craig, author Adam Cesare, actors Carson MacCormac & Katie Douglas.

SET OF MAGNETS - Perfect for the fridge!

THE JOLLY MONKEY: What Else Would You Expect From The Asylum?

THE JOLLY MONKEY (DVD)

2025 / 93 min

The Asylum

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

Those lovable lunatics at The Asylum are back at it. Being the undisputed kings of the “mockbuster,” taking time to review damn near any of their movies is almost an exercise in redundancy. People either hate them because they’re barely disguised rip-offs, or love them because they’re barely disguised rip-offs.

This time we’re getting The Jolly Monkey, it’s title and cover art obviously created to evoke Osgood Perkin’s recent Stephen King adaptation, The Monkey. Comparing the two is, of course, pointless, but not just in terms of overall quality. It’s already a given that it’s gonna be cheaper, cheesier and cast with actors who don’t even warrant their own Wikipedia page (nor does the movie, for that matter).

But plotwise, The Jolly Monkey kinda goes in a different direction. It’s more of a slasher movie about two sisters and their families inheriting a dilapidated old motel once owned by their parents. While bickering over whether to sell the property or restore it, they’re being killed-off one by one by a murderer in a monkey costume, who also slices off their faces.

"What's the problem? You said dress formal."

The story also clumsily throws in supernatural elements related to all the beat-up old toy monkeys laying around the place. Additionally, it turns out the family has a dark past, especially the sisters’ dad, who was both a hide-tanning expert and serial killer in his spare time. As for who’s knocking everybody off this time around, viewers will have no trouble figuring it out the killer's identity because there’s no such thing as subtlety in their performance. But at least it is a performance, which can’t really be said about the rest of the cast.

Because of the mostly serious tone, silly dialogue, dumb characters and a villain that elicits more chuckles than scares, The Jolly Monkey is more of an unintentional comedy than a horror film (though a couple of death scenes are pretty good). But with The Asylum pulling the strings (including the purse strings), that shouldn’t come as a surprise…or a disappointment, either.

THE POOP SCOOP: We're Ready For Our Close-Up

😺The Restoration of an All-Time Classic,  SUNSET BOULEVARD Arrives on 4K and Blu-ray August 5 from Paramount. SUNSET BOULEVARD was among the first films selected for preservation in the National Film Registry and is in the top 20 of the AFI’s Greatest American Films of All Time.  The film was nominated for 11 Academy Awards, including Best Picture, and won three for Best Art Direction, Best Music and Best Writing. Gloria Swanson and William Holden give riveting performances as two of the silver screen’s most memorable characters: the aging silent film queen Norma Desmond and struggling young screenwriter Joe Gillis.  The bizarre and twisted story that unfolds between them is a brilliant combination of noir, black comedy and character study, as well as a scathing and pitch-black commentary on Hollywood that continues to resonate in today’s influencer-driven, true crime-obsessed, and self-reflective culture.

🙀BRING HER BACK Coming to Blu-ray August 19 from A24 Films. From Danny & Michael Phillipou, the writer-directors of Talk to Me, Bring Her Back features a brother and sister who uncover a terrifying ritual at the secluded home of their new foster mother. Starring Sally Hawkins, Billy Barratt, Sora Wong, Jonah Wren Phillips, and Stephen Phillips.

🕵MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: THE FINAL RECKONING on Digital August 19 and 4K & Blu-ray October 14 from Paramount. Our lives are the sum of our choices. Tom Cruise is Ethan Hunt in MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – The Final Reckoning. Both the digital and physical releases come with hours of bonus content, including behind-the-scenes interviews, exclusive commentary, and deleted footage not seen in theatres.

💏MATERIALISTS Coming to Blu-ray August 26 from A24 Films. A young, ambitious New York City matchmaker finds herself torn between the perfect match and her imperfect ex. Starring Pedro Pascal, Dakota johnson and Chris Evans.

😺THE ACCOUNTANT 2 Available on 4K, Blu-ray and DVD August 12 from Warner Bros. When an old acquaintance is murdered, leaving behind a cryptic message to “find the accountant,” Wolff is compelled to solve the case. Realizing more extreme measures are necessary, Wolff recruits his estranged and highly lethal brother, Brax (Jon Bernthal), to help.

✈AIRPORT: THE COMPLETE 4-FILM COLLECTION on 4K and Blu-ray September 30 from Kino Lorber. This 4-Film collection includes all four newly-restored Airport movies, accompanied by new audio commentaries. 

🤖MEGAN 2.0 On Digital Now and 4K & Blu-ray September 23 from Universal. She’s back. Taller, stronger, faster and now unrated, M3GAN 2.0 is available to own exclusively on digital.. The rewired bot will also be launching on 4K UHD and Blu-ray on September 23, 2025, and you can unlock M3GAN’s newest updates with over 30 minutes of exclusive bonus content.

🌊POSEIDON Limited Edition 4K Coming 8/12 from Arrow Video. While VIP guests dance away in the grand ballroom after midnight, a massive rogue wave overtakes the ship and sends it to the ocean depths. 

🙀THE CONJURING on Digital NOW and 4K UHD 8/26 from Warner Bros. From New Line Cinema comes a feature film drawn from the case files of married demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren. 

🤠THE UNHOLY TRINITY on Digital NOW, and Blu-ray DVD August 26. A tale of revenge, dark secrets, and buried treasures, the film is set against the turbulent backdrop of 1870s Montana. Starring Pierce Brosnan and Samuel L. Jackson.

🐈Oscar Winning FLOW on 4K, Blu-ray & DVD September 23 from Criterion Collection. This Academy Award–winning international sensation follows a courageous cat after its home is devastated by a great flood. 

🎸THIS IS SPINAL TAP Goes to 11 on 4K & Blu-ray September 16 from Criterion Collection. This Is Spinal Tap, now beautifully restored, capturing all the mishaps, creative tensions, dwindling crowds, and ill-fated drummers.

DEATH OF A UNICORN Goes in Many Directions

DEATH OF A UNICORN (Blu-ray)

2025 / 108 min

A24 Films

Review by Stinky the Destroyer😼

When their flight is abruptly cancelled, Widowed lawyer Elliot Kintner (Paul Rudd) and his estranged daughter, Ridley (Jenna Ortega), are forced to drive to his ailing boss’ mansion home, located in a remote mountain forest. On the way, he strikes an animal with the car, which turns out to be a young unicorn…and still alive.

Hoping to end its misery, Elliot repeatedly bashes the beast with a tire iron, splattering both he and Ridley with blood. Then they proceed to the house (which is more like a compound) with the dead unicorn in the back. Once there, Ridley is introduced to the Leopolds…patriarch Odell (Richard E. Grant), the CEO of a pharmaceutical company, his wife Belinda (Téa Leoni) and their shiftless son, Shepard (Will Poulter). Superficially congenial, they’re pretty horrible people…self-absorbed, condescending and arrogant. Still, Elliot blatantly sucks up to them for a promotion in the company.

However, the unicorn isn’t quite dead. Once they discover that its blood has inexplicable healing properties, the Leopolds pounce on the opportunity to exploit the animal’s medicinal value, bringing in a team of scientists to harvest everything they can. During the process, Odell is cured of his cancer and demands the unicorn remains to be transferred to a lab. But Ridley, who’s developed something of a connection to it after touching its horn, questions their motives. Not only that, after doing some research on unicorn legend, she insists they can’t take the animal away. Everyone, including Elliot, simply thinks she’s delusional.

She isn’t, of course. The unicorn’s monstrous parents descend from the hills and commence attacking the mansion, violently slaughtering many of the Leopolds’ employees. Undeterred, Odell now wants to hunt down the adult unicorns to serve his own agenda. In a way, the basic plot of Death of a Unicorn shares similarities with a few movies in the Alien franchise, maybe a little Jurassic Park thrown in. 

Tonally and thematically, however, writer-director Alex Scharfman could have gone in a few distinctly different directions with this premise, such as an artistic dark fantasy, a satirical black comedy, fractured family drama, or simply a balls-out horror film. Instead, he throws all of these elements into a pot and stirs. The result is a movie that ends up being kind of a mixed bag.

"I don't think gophers are your problem, Shep."

The horror aspects work best. Ever since The Cabin in the Woods gave us that brilliant throwaway gag of a unicorn impaling somebody, it was just a matter of time before we got an entire movie depicting them as malevolent monsters. The attack scenes are frequent and bloody, sometimes amusingly so. And I suppose it goes without that we’re rooting for the unicorns right from the get go. The only drawback to these sequences is that the CGI is generally pretty wonky.

The satiric bits are entertaining at times, mostly personified by the Leopolds’ greed and indifference to the welfare of others. However, since they’re more like caricatures, a little of this goes a long way. Grant, Leoni and Poulter deliver good performances (especially the latter), but there reaches a point where the viewer might wish they’d just shut the hell up. They’re bad people…we get it. As for Elliot and Ridley, we’ve seen them before in plenty of other movies, so the direction their relationship takes throughout the film is predictable. Still, the denouement is kind of touching.

Considering A24 Films’ somewhat “arty” reputation (even in horror), Death of a Unicorn is something of an oddity. From technical and narrative standpoints, this might be the most high-concept, mainstream and - dare I say? - generic movie the studio has ever released. Not that it’s a bad film. There’s some nasty fun to be had here and a few big laughs, but it ultimately tries to do too many things at once. Scharfman might have been better off picking one road and staying on it.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTE - How to Kill a Unicorn features interviews with writer-director Alex Scharfman and some of the cast.

AUDIO COMMENTARY - By writer-director Alex Scharfman.

6 POSTCARDS - With behind-the-scenes photos.

THE MONKEY Business

THE MONKEY (Blu-ray)

2025 / 98 min

Neon/Decal Releasing

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

“The best Stephen King movie in decades,” touts a gushing review quote on the back cover. While I’m not quite sure I concur, The Monkey is arguably one of the best adaptations of a King short story, which initially might be considered faint praise. Like most of ‘em, it takes the basic concept, pads it out to feature length and slaps the author’s name above the title for marquee value.

But unlike such cinematic swill as Children of the Corn, The Lawnmower Man and Graveyard Shift, this one is the work of a genuinely good filmmaker. Writer-director Osgood Perkins not only knows how to put together a solid horror film, he uses King’s story as an opportunity to step outside his own personal comfort zone by cranking out the goriest, funniest and narratively outrageous movie of his career.

This is certainly no Longlegs, Perkins’ last film, which was an atmospheric, slow-burning piece of 'elevated' horror (and perhaps just a tad overpraised). Theo James plays Hal and Bill Shelburn, twin siblings who’ve been tormented most of their lives by a mysterious drum-playing toy monkey brought home by their absentee father when they were kids. Whenever it’s wound-up and starts playing, someone they know dies in an accident (really violently). 

The first act takes place when the Shelburns are in their early teens (and played by Christian Convery). Bill is the meaner of the two, subjecting Hal to constant verbal abuse. Still, both agree that the monkey might be responsible for the deaths of people close to them. After being subjected to a humiliating prank by his brother, Hal winds-up the monkey hoping it'll kill Bill, but instead their mother dies because monkey kills whomever it chooses and doesn't take requests. Since it can’t be destroyed, the boys drop it into a well.

"Yes, I do like that song...so leave it."

Fast forward 25 years…Hal is a loner with visitation rights to estranged teenage son Petey (Colin O’Brien) for one week a year. Concurrently, the aunt who raised he and Bill suddenly dies. The violent nature of her death has Bill suspecting it might somehow be the work of the monkey. With Petey in tow, he returns to his hometown, where the monkey has been sold in an estate sale. Locals left-and-right are also dying at an alarming rate because somebody keeps winding it up. I won’t reveal who because that’s one of the film’s more amusing plot turns.

Speaking of amusing, The Monkey is primarily played for laughs, mostly through quirky characters, clever dialogue and death scenes that are not-only shocking…they’re shockingly funny. Yet at the same time, the film is atmospheric and occasionally chilling (that monkey really is creepy). It also boasts a great dual performance by James, who looks like he had a ball playing both lead roles. 

While Longlegs garnered Osgood Perkins more mainstream notoriety and critical accolades (deservedly so, to an extent), The Monkey is a lot more fun. It’s a fast-paced, morbidly funny slab of splatstick horror that may not be high art, but never descends into self-aware stupidity either. And if nothing else, you gotta admire the director’s determination not to repeat himself.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - Outrageously Gory and Thoroughly Gratuitous (making-of); The Cast of The Monkey; Becoming Hal and Bill.

TRAILERS

FUNERAL PROGRAMS - Faux-programs commemorating the “passing” of a few of the film’s victims.