THE RITUAL: So What If It's True?

THE RITUAL (Blu-ray)

2025 / 98 min

Decal Releasing

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

When it comes to movies, especially horror movies, I don’t give a damn if it’s a true story or not. And God knows we’ve gotten a jillion that have claimed to be, which I suppose is a good selling point for the easily duped. 

So when I first caught a trailer for The Ritual, “The true story that inspired The Exorcist” didn’t impress me much. Not only should ‘true story’ always be taken with a grain of salt, it’s been my experience that anybody name-dropping another movie as part of their ad campaign reflects a lack of confidence in their own movie.

However, this one stars the legendary Al Pacino, which definitely piqued my interest. The guy ain’t really known for horror films, and though he hasn’t done much this century worth writing home about, surely Al saw something in its screenplay worth his time. But even if his motivation was a number with a lot of zeroes, demonic possession does seem like a premise conducive to some prime Pacino scenery chewing…kinda like that time he rescued The Devil’s Advocate.

"I'm gonna speed things up by skipping to the last page."

But damn, if The Ritual isn’t the most drab, derivative and dull horror movie I’ve seen so far this year. Not that it’s slow moving or anything. The film gets almost immediately down to business, with Father Joseph Steiger (Dan Stevens) questioning his faith after his brother’s death. He’s also skeptical that a young arrival at his parish, Emma (Abigail Cowen), is demonically possessed, even as legendary exorcist, Father Theophilus Riesinger (Pacino), is summoned to save her soul.

The exorcism itself comprises a majority of the film’s running time, which would be fine if a unique spin or two were thrown in. Instead, it plays like a checklist of every possession trope we’ve seen in countless movies since 1973, right down to the prerequisite vomiting, speaking in tongues, histrionic bible readings, levitating…you get the idea. Characterization is minimal, and all that's required from most of the cast is to react in horror. As for Pacino…there’s only so much even he can do with such an underwritten character, save for perform it as a consummate professional. But really, Father Riesinger could have been played by anybody.

The writing and direction by David Midell is merely perfunctory, doing nothing aesthetically or narratively interesting with the premise. Unimaginatively shot, The Ritual coasts almost entirely on the conceit that it’s based on a real-life exorcism. But so what? True story or not, a horror movie still needs atmosphere, an engaging story and characters we’re invested in. What a waste.

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - The Making of The Ritual; Keeping the Faith; The Script; Based on a True Story.

BUZZFEED INTERVIEWS - Somehow, Buzzfeed has a hand in producing this. They're mentioned in the opening credits, anyway.

Revisiting THE CONJURING in 4K

THE CONJURING (4K UHD)

2013 / 112 min

Warner Bros

#InPartnershipwithWB

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

The Conjuring was sort of a breath of fresh air back in 2013. In a genre glutted by remakes, sequels, rip-offs, torture porn, gorefests and PG-13 bubblegum aimed at the mallrat crowd, along came this earnest, atmospheric and genuinely scary horror film that managed to terrify millions with a total on-screen body count of zero (unless you count the poor pooch). You’d have to go all the way back to the original Poltergeist for another film to manage the same feat.

And like Poltergeist, a major reason its scares and tension are so effective is because the film takes the time to get us invested in its characters. Think about it…the entire foundation of the Conjuring films (not the spin-offs) is built around a married couple who in-real-life were basically paranormal con artists. But whether or not we actually buy into their history ultimately doesn’t matter. As depicted in the films, not only are the demons real, Ed & Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson & Vera Farmiga) are sincere, dedicated (to their jobs and each other) and above all, extraordinarily likable. 

In an awkward moment, Ed and Lorraine accidentally thread a movie made when they were young and needed the money.

Two solid sequels (with a third around the corner) and a half-dozen inferior spin-offs later, the original film remains the best of the entire franchise, and arguably the best to deal with demonic possession since The Exorcist. Though the intensity, dread and jump-scares don’t have same impact as seeing them the first time (preferably in theaters), The Conjuring is always worth revisiting from time to time. 

Considering its legacy and influence on both the horror genre and popular culture, I’m kind of surprised we’re just now getting a 4K UHD edition. Of course, the film is worth having in any horror collection, but the picture and sound quality of the 2013 Blu-ray version was already pretty damn good, so whether or not it’s worth a 4K upgrade largely depends on one’s set-up (namely the size and quality of your TV). The black tones are a bit deeper, the details a bit sharper, but save for ardent videophiles, the difference might be almost negligible. The DTS-HD 5.1 audio track is the same one featured on the Blu-ray edition, which is good enough that any new mix would probably be superfluous. This one also throws in a couple of brand new retrospective bonus features to entice collectors into upgrading. They’re entertaining but fairly short, meaning the primary appeal of this 4K edition is the video boost.

EXTRA KIBBLES

NEW KIBBLES - Scariest of Them All and Reflections on The Conuring are a couple of retrospective featurettes. Each runs around seven minutes and features interviews with various cast & crew, as well as behind-the-scenes footage.

OLD KIBBLES (carried over from the original Blu-ray) - The Conjuring: Face-to-Face with Fear; A Life in Demonology (short doc about the Warrens); Scaring the “@$*%” Out of You.

DIGITAL COPY

THE SHINING: A Guide To Better Living

THE SHINING (1980)

Starring Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd, Scatman Crothers, Phillip Stone, Joe Turkel, Barry Nelson. Directed by Stanley Kubrick. 144 min.

Essay by D.M. Anderson💀

The Shining is, of course, a horror classic, but I’ve never considered it a great movie. 

Part of the reason is I read Stephen King’s novel first, back when I was teenager. At the time, The Shining was the scariest damn thing I ever read. So when I heard it was going to be a movie, I expected it to make The Exorcist look like The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. Unfortunately, that didn't happen because the movie was a total bastardization of the novel. While watching Jack Nicholson slowly go apeshit was (and still is) a lot of fun, he’s more rousing than scary. There’s something inherently amiss with any horror movie that has you cheering-on the antagonist.

The other reason is Stanley Kubrick. I’m actually a huge Kubrick fan and some of his classics (2001: A Space Odyssey, The Killing, Dr. Strangelove, A Clockwork Orange) are among my all-time favorites. His films have a unique look and tone that elevate them into works of art. Kubrick tackled a lot of different genres, but somehow his movies all feel the same. When you’re watching a Stanley Kubrick movie, you know you’re watching a Stanley Kubrick movie. Which is why he was totally the wrong guy to direct The Shining. With his signature long takes, elaborate production design and Steadicam tracking shots, this is 144 minutes of Kubrick saying “look what I can do.” (I imagine it irked him just a little that Nicholson got most of the attention). 

None of this is to say I don’t like The Shining. It’s a pretty good Kubrick film, just not a good Stephen King film. But a pretty good Kubrick film is still better than most directors’ magnum opuses and this one is filled with memorable moments and imagery. What’s more, the film has had a profound impact on me personally, offering a slice of philosophical wisdom that has shaped my life over the years.

In the movie, Jack Torrance (Nicholson) is a recovering alcoholic & struggling writer who takes a seasonal job as the winter caretaker at the historic Overlook Hotel, nestled deep in the Rocky Mountains. By the way, I live about 40 miles from Timberline Lodge, which served as the Overlook for exterior shots. If you’re ever in the Portland, Oregon area, it is well worth visiting. Located on Mount Hood, Timberline is a beautiful place with a rich history of its own (though decidedly less evil). And yes, they sell The Shining merchandise there.

Anyway, accompanying Jack are his mousy wife, Wendy (Shelly Duvall), and their young son Danny (Danny Lloyd). For five months, the three will be isolated, which Jack hopes will give him the opportunity to complete a writing project. Danny also has a “gift” known as shining, explained to him by hotel chef Dick Halloran (Scatman Crothers) before the place closes for the winter. Shining is a type of clairvoyance that not only allows Danny to have visions of the future, he can also see things that have happened long ago. Almost right away, he senses the Overlook is historically evil. 

"Of course I washed my hands."

Meanwhile, instead of working on his writing, Jack slowly loses his mind. This is where Kubrick tends to greatly deviate from King’s novel, leaning more heavily toward psychological horror than the story’s supernatural aspects (Danny’s visions notwithstanding). For much of the film, it’s suggested that the evil presence encouraging Jack to turn homicidal could possibly be a product of his imagination, rather than the hotel itself possessing him. I dunno…maybe Kubrick had a hard time buying into the whole ghost angle, which could be why most of the genuine supernatural elements are haphazardly stuffed into the final act.

Jack eventually snaps, and in the film’s best scene, he saunters toward a sobbing Wendy, verbally berating her while she backs away, clutching a baseball bat in utter terror. She cries that she’s worried about Danny (quasi catatonic after an encounter with one of the Overlook’s entities) and pleads for them to leave the hotel to get him help. Jack snaps back that leaving now would ruin any chance for him to make something of himself. Wendy cries that she wants to return to their hotel room to think things over. Grinning, wild-eyed and clearly intent on killing right there on the stairs, Jack replies, “You’ve had your whole fucking life to think things over. What good is a few minutes more gonna do you now?”

Jack crazily screaming “Heeere’s Johnny!” is The Shining’s most legendary line, though I seriously doubt many modern audiences are aware of its cultural context (for decades, it was Tonight Show host Johnny Carson’s introduction every night). But personally, “What good is a few minutes more gonna do you now?” is the one that continues to resonate with me. 

As a true nerd, I’ve always enjoyed referencing films whenever certain opportunities arise. When a friend or co-worker is having a shitty day, I often catch myself saying “Every day above ground is a good day” (from Scarface). Or screaming “Nice signal, dickhead!” at oblivious drivers (James Caan’s funniest outburst in Alien Nation). And what self-respecting movie lover doesn’t share a toast with “Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women”? For the sake of expediency, I’ll spare you the number of times I’ve worked quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Mystery Science Theater 3000 into casual conversation.

But “What good is a few minutes more gonna do you now?” is more than just a great line. It’s a philosophy that I’ve adapted to various aspects of my life. I used to be one of those folks who kept hitting the snooze bar on my alarm clock every morning, sometimes three or four times. Not only did that leave me scrambling to get to work on time, sleep experts concur that it isn’t recommended because it disrupts a healthy sleep cycle. But one particular morning when the alarm went off, What good is a few minutes more gonna do you now? popped into my head. I haven’t hit the snooze bar since and I feel a lot better.

Like a lot of people who enjoy indulging in empty calories, I opened a bag of Funyuns one time and mindlessly munched while watching TV. Then before I knew it, I’d chowed down on most of the bag. But here’s the problem…Funyuns are my wife’s favorite snack and she’s usually the main reason they end up in the grocery cart each week. That’s when I took a long hard look at what was left in the bag and shrugged, What harm is the few more Funyuns gonna do me now? And with no evidence left that we even bought a bag, I later claimed we must have simply forgotten to grab one the last time we shopped. Sure, I felt a twinge of guilt while sucking the remaining salt from my fingers, but at least I was still alive to feel guilty.

"My God, how much can one cat eat?"

I have two cats, Pepper and Mr. Bonnie, who are spoiled rotten by everybody in the house. Pepper is especially motivated by food, especially cat treats, and every damn one of us have been guilty of giving her almost an entire bag in one sitting because she looks so cute asking for them, standing on her hindlegs like a meerkat. But if we kept that up, it wouldn’t be long before she resembled a football and her meerkat legs would disappear under a gelatinous gut. So we’re trying to curb her gluttony just a tad. Sorry, Pepper. You’ve already had a dozen treats today. What good is a few more gonna do you now? Sure, she saunters away indignantly, but she’ll someday be thankful that she can saunter without waddling.

On the professional front, I was a teacher for 26 years before finally retiring. During that time, there have been literally hundreds of kids who slacked off for an entire quarter, then just before grading time, they coming begging for me to accept work that was due weeks (sometimes months) ago. I used to be sympathetic, but eventually got tired of grading late papers on weekends just because these little bastards refused to drop their PS5 controllers for a few minutes. Instead, I began telling some of them, “You’ve had the whole term to get caught up. What good is a few days more gonna do you now?” They walk away dejected, but at least I could now enjoy NFL Sundays without any other responsibility but making sure the cheese dip is warm.

I could go on, but what good are a few more examples gonna do you now?

The Shining is widely considered one of the greatest horror films ever made, an assessment I don’t agree with (which puts me in the extreme minority). But even though it was probably never his intention, good ol’ Stanley Kubrick certainly came through with some great self-improvement advice. And I’m a hell of a lot happier.

THE MASK OF SATAN: Like Father...Not Like Son

THE MASK OF SATAN (Blu-ray)

1990 / 98 min

From Severin Films

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

The son of legendary Italian horror director Mario Bava, Lamberto Bava’s greatest claim to fame on this side of the pond is probably Demons and its sequel, Demons 2. Both are held in pretty high regard among 80s-era gorehounds (though I personally think they’re devoid of any real appeal beyond the special effects).

1990’s The Mask of Satan is Lamberto’s loose remake of Dad’s most famous film, Black Sunday. However, he displays little of Mario’s eye for atmosphere or narrative coherence. In fact, it plays more like a Demons sequel, without the vivid gore that at-least made that film watchable. 

This one features a group of obnoxious skiers who become trapped in an ice cave where a witch was buried centuries earlier. Of course, she’s resurrected, and the remainder of the story is pretty much Demons in the snow…people become possessed and chase around those who aren’t. That’s about it.

"I don't suppose any of you thought to bring cocoa, did you?"

Characterization is minimal, as are the acting abilities of its cast, though Eva Grimaldi, as sexy witch Anibas, is certainly easy on the eyes (too bad we don’t see more of her). And while some of the production design is impressive, Lamberto’s direction reflects little real imagination or panache. Never once approaching scary, isn’t long before the whole thing grows tedious.

The Mask of Satan was originally filmed as an episode of an Italian miniseries called Sabbath, which could partially explain why its cinematically underwhelming. But even with tempered expectations, I think fans of Italian horror will find this one a chore to sit through. Stick with Dad’s original.

EXTRA KIBBLES

INTERVIEWS - Individual interviews with director Lamberto Bava, actress Mary Sellers and actress Debora Caprioglio.