A MINECRAFT MOVIE: A Die Hard's Perspective

A MINECRAFT MOVIE (Blu-ray)

2025 / 101 min

Warner Bros

#InPartnershipwithWB

Review by Lucy A. (who grew up on the game)

Like a lot of kids of my generation, I grew up obsessed with Minecraft. For a long time, I didn’t have a way to play it myself, so I’d watch YouTube videos of other people playing. Until one day, I finally convinced my dad to download the mobile version on his iPad. From that point on. I was obsessed with the game for years. I would spend hours building and creating my own stories. Minecraft was sort of the gateway into my gaming hobby. Now that I’m an adult, I play it a lot less than I used to, but the game still holds a special place in my heart. Which is why when I saw trailers for A Minecraft Movie, I knew I needed to see it. 

If you’ve seen any of the trailers or other clips from the movie, whatever your first impressions are, they’re probably right. The movie seemed a bit cringey and was ‘lip/meme farming’ (meaning that the movie is actively trying to get popular going viral with funny clips, rather than being an entertaining movie as a whole). Surprise! The trailers didn’t lie. 

While watching the movie, it felt like the film was really leaning into random/unexpected humor. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, since that sort of humor is popular among kids and that’s ultimately the target audience. However, a lot of the jokes or bits seemed to be kinda forced. Still, the movie was funny. Was it funny in how the directors intended? That’s debatable. To me and the group of friends I saw the film with, it was funny because we were all constantly thinking, “I can’t believe they thought this was a good idea.” 

The plot is also lacking. Some might argue that a movie targeted towards children can’t be expected to have a good or meaningful plot that’s entertaining to both kids and adults. But there are tons of kids movies that I’ve enjoyed as an adult that genuinely have good plots and messages that are appreciated by all audiences. Unfortunately, A Minecraft Movie is not one of them. 

Not every movie needs to have a message. It could be purely just for shits and giggles. However, it’s clear that the film wanted to send some sort of message, but just couldn’t decide what. There are loose themes of “being different is okay” and “creativity is good,” but they aren’t touched upon throughout the entire movie until the end. Any messages they were trying to convey seemed very (for lack of a better term) half-assed. 

Square Pigs

I’ll give it this…making a story based on a game with no story is very hard. If you didn’t know, Minecraft is a sandbox game, meaning that it’s open-world, and there isn’t a path or a set of goals for the player to follow. There isn’t any story in the base game, which is why it’s seen more as a starting point for people to create their own. Whether people make their own worlds, create their own narratives, or simply just survive, Minecraft is seen as a creative base for its players. Maybe that’s what the film itself may have been trying to do. 

This might come as a surprise given what was previously written, but I did enjoy the movie. The movie was objectively bad - not just as a video game movie either - but I found myself enjoying every second of it. Sure, a lot of it was eye-rolling and a little painful to watch at times, but I still had a lot of fun. Maybe it’s because I’m biased and I love Minecraft. Maybe it’s because I saw it with close friends with a similar attachment to the game. Or maybe it’s because I know, deep down, 10-year-old Lucy would have been thrilled that a game she loved so much was on the big screen. 

If you grew up with the game, you might get a kick out of it. If you have kids who did, they will definitely like it. If you have no attachment to the game whatsoever, don't bother. 

EXTRA KIBBLES:

FEATURETTES -  Building the World of Minecraft: Block Party; Creepers, Zombies and Endermen Oh My!;  A Minecraft Movie: Pixel Pals; A Minecraft Movie: Block Beats; Marlene + Nitwit.

THE END OF THE WORLD (1916): Apocalypse Then

THE END OF THE WORLD (1916)

aka Verdins Undergang and The Flaming Sword

Starring Olaf Fønss, Carl Lauritzen, Ebba Thomsen, Johanne Fritz-Petersen, Thorlief Lund, Alf Blütecher. Directed by August Blom. (77 min)

Essay by D.M. ANDERSON💀

My ongoing quest to see every disaster movie ever made has taken me to some interesting places. Other countries, other eras…including a film that was released back when Irwin Allen was still swimming around in his mom's womb.

Before Bruce Willis saved the world in Armageddon, before Roland Emmerich ushered in a new ice age in The Day After Tomorrow, even before George Pal revealed what happens When Worlds Collide, the tiny European country of Denmark wiped out nearly all of humankind in 1916 with The End of the World, a silent film about a comet that causes catastrophic global destruction. 

And here I thought the only cool things to come out of Denmark were pastries and Lars Ulrich.

 

Disaster was at its zenith in the 1970s with such classics as Airport, The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake and The Towering Inferno. These films popularized a reliable formula that was used time and time again: A huge cast, melodramatic subplots (with at least one sappy love story), ominous foreshadowing of the disaster to come, the expert nobody listens to until it’s too late, the greedy bad guy who denies anything is wrong (or fucks-over others in the time-honored tradition of self-preservation), and of course, those special effects money shots.

As with any popular genre, the formula was milked to death, to the point where films like The Concorde: Airport ‘79 and Meteor felt more like self-parody…a few years before a real parody (Airplane!) came along. 

While that formula was a cash cow throughout most of the decade, it didn’t start in the ‘70s. Traveling further back in time, classics like The High and the Mighty (1954), San Francisco (1936), In Old Chicago (1938) and no-less than four Titanic movies (including a German-made slab of Nazi propaganda) boast many of the same elements as Airport and The Poseidon Adventure. Older still are Deluge (1933) and the silent film, The Johnstown Flood (1926), the latter of which I initially assumed was the humble prototype for what would someday be my favorite genre.

But those crazy Danes beat everybody by ten years…

I suppose if you want to get nitpicky, The End of the World isn’t technically the “first” disaster film, either. England’s Fire!, about a family’s rescue from a burning house, was a five-minute short produced in 1901. In 1912, Germany’s In Nacht und Eis depicted the sinking of Titanic (released only four months after it sank!), but was only a 35-minute two-reeler (a pretty damn good one at that).

Something molten in the state of Denmark.

However, The End of the World is the first feature-length disaster film that contains many of the attributes associated with the genre. You’ve got your melodrama, with young Dina (Ebba Thomsen) running off to marry mining mogul Frank Stoll (Olaf Fønss), which not only alienates her entire family - eventually causing Dad to die of a heart attack - it infuriates local miner Flint (Thorlief Lund), who later seeks revenge on Frank for stealing his woman.

But don’t fear for ol’ Frank because he’s a complete bastard. In what would someday be a disaster movie tradition, he fucks over a lot of people for personal gain. Damn near everybody, in fact. For starters, the astronomer who discovered the approaching comet entrusts Frank with the grave news of impending disaster, hoping the man will use his clout to inform the press. But because he’s more concerned with selling his stock holdings, Frank demands the papers print stories assuring the public there’s nothing to worry about. 

Elsewhere, young lovers Reymers (Alf Blütecher) and Dina’s younger sister, Edith (Johanne Fritz-Petersen), miss each other terribly while he’s at sea. She spends most of the film moping around the house, lamenting her loneliness, while he’s repeatedly seen gazing sadly across the water…and occasionally up at the approaching comet. Meanwhile, Frank throws a party for his wealthy friends, with plans for he and Dina to take cover in his mine when disaster finally strikes. Fuck everybody else.

All this melodrama comprises the first two-acts, with periodic shots of the comet getting closer as people helplessly gawk upward. Frank is easily the film’s most entertaining character, mainly because he’s such a dick. Director August Blom must’ve though so, too, because Frank has the most screen time. Edith and Reymers are cute but dull, their plight dragged down by the audience’s utter certainty that these two will somehow end up back in each other’s arms. 

The comet itself causes worldwide catastrophe, though all the action centers on the mining town where everyone lives. Fire rains from the sky while buildings are wiped out by a tsunami. Those who don’t die from the disaster are killed by toxic gas or shot during a riot when oppressed miners attempt to spoil Frank’s party. For a 100+ year old film, The End of the World features pretty interesting special effects, including early examples of split-screen to show panic-stricken crowds and fiery destruction within the same shot. 

But overall, is it a good film? The story is kind of meandering and slows to a crawl whenever Frank isn’t engaged in douchebaggery, but the disaster itself is kind of fun. Later apocalyptic movies with the same premise would obviously be grander, but this one did it first. Therefore, The End of the World is an important historical milestone in the disaster genre. And it’s still better than Armageddon.

INSIDE OUT 2: A Comeback, Of Sorts

INSIDE OUT 2 (Digital)

2024 / 96 min

FROM DISNEY

Review by Stinky the Destroyer😺

On Digital NOW and 4K, Blu-ray & DVD 9/10.

On one hand, I’m happy that Inside Out 2 was hugely successful, especially after years of films that either underperformed at the box office, or worse yet, were immediately regulated to Disney+. It recalls the glory days when each Pixar movie was practically an event and a must-see in theaters (even if you didn’t always have kids in tow).

On the other hand, this is Pixar playing it safe, revisiting a tried-and-true brand name. And I get it. Most of their biggest films of the past decade have been sequels, which I suppose is fine, since God knows they aren’t the only studio with franchise aspirations. Not to sound like a crusty old boomer, but I remember the days when Pixar itself was the franchise. The films may have been different, but each had the studio’s unique, indelible stamp.

Still, with the possible exception of Cars 2, Pixar’s has never made a truly bad sequel. Even Toy Story 4 managed to avoid being superfluous and was a lot better than it had a right to be. Inside Out 2 is superior to that one. It might even be the best Pixar sequel since Toy Story 2, even though it sometimes takes a similar conceptual path as Turning Red.

Emotional baggage.

In this one, Riley is a 13-year-old at the onset of puberty and all the new emotions that come with that tumultuous age…Embarrassment, Envy, Ennui (boredom) and, most significantly, Anxiety, who threatens to to take complete control over Riley’s decisions and actions. These feelings are welcome additions to the story, as they amusingly depict what we all go through at that age. If nothing else, their introduction certainly justifies this sequel. The brief appearance of Nostalgia, a running gag in which she’s repeatedly told to leave, suggests maybe a second sequel is possible (?).

Inside Out 2 is not as fresh or inventive as the original, which is to be expected. The world inside Riley's head is still an elaborately rendered wonderland, especially “The Vault,” where things she once loved are locked up (old kiddie shows, video game characters). But overall, this one doesn’t reach the emotional highs and lows as the first film, though there are certainly moments where Riley’s anxiety is infectious. Still, Inside Out 2 is an enjoyable, entertaining sequel. 

EXTRA KIBBLES

FEATURETTES - New Emotions is about the new characterss introduced to reflect being a teenager; Unlocking the Vault goes into the making of the film’s best sequence.

6 DELETED SCENES - These are largely unfinished animatic sketches.