COYOTES: Pity the Poor Housepets

COYOTES (Blu-ray)

2025 / 92 min

Decal Releasing

Review by Josey, the Sudden Cat🙀

We here at Free Kittens are sad to say that Coyotes is yet-another horror movie that includes the violent death of a cat to move the story along. However, it is an equal-opportunity pet killer, offing an annoying little yippy dog in the very first scene. But despite such an overused trope, there’s one aspect of this feline demise that we appreciate: Upon learning the cat has been slaughtered by the titular beasties, its owner briefly considers killing himself. 

Of course he would.

Both of those deaths occur off-screen, saving the real carnage for its human characters. Taking place in the suburban hills of Los Angeles, coyote attacks are on the rise, as Scott and Liv (real-life couple Justin Long & Kate Bosworth) find out when a pack of them begin stalking them in and around their house. Other characters include daughter Chloe (Mila Harris), who feels responsible for the attack because she had previously been feeding them, hard-partying neighbor Trip (Norbert Leo Butz), and the prostitute he hired for the night, Julie (Brittany Allen).

Refuses to fetch.

Coyotes often goes for laughs, and gets a few here and there, especially whenever Trip and/or Julie on-screen (the former’s cocaine-fueled despair over losing his cat is particularly funny). As for Scott - a squeamish, workaholic comic artist - he’s not all that likable and I’ve seen Long play the same type of character so often that I’ve lost count. Bosworth does what she can with a pretty thankless role, which is mostly informing Scott when he’s being a dick.

Elsewhere, Coyotes is basically a home invasion movie with animals. The coyotes themselves are obviously CGI creations and never very convincing. On the other hand, there are some effectively gory scenes that boast pretty decent make-up effects. The film is never scary and seldom even suspenseful, but the playful tone and brisk pace keep it watchable. I gotta say, though...it might’ve been a lot funnier if it had the nerve to take itself seriously.

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